It's wonderful to imagine two families coming together and everyone caring for each other, no fake feelings or ulterior motives involved.
But life is life, and sometimes coming together is much more complicated than we'd like it to be, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
While he was glad that his father was happy after being single for a long time, teen Redditor burnt-leafeonmeow couldn't help but feel left out by his dad now that he was dating his openly disrespectful fiancée.
But when the couple went so far as to get married in Vegas and completely excluded the teen from their plan while inviting their stepsister, the Original Poster (OP) questioned how much they'd be in their dad's life now that he was with someone who obviously didn't like him.
He asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for being upset that my dad and his wife didn't invite me to their wedding?"
The OP was happy for his dad at first when he finally met someone new.
"My dad (53 Male) and his new wife (54 Female) started dating on New Year's Day 2024. My dad hadn't dated anyone in over six years until he met her."
"Around March of 2024, she asked me (17 Male) if she had permission to marry my dad."
"I said yes, not expecting how soon they were thinking. I saw my dad was happy, and I felt that was all that really mattered."
"He proposed on Christmas just this last year. I've noticed that since they have started dating, his wife has been very persistent about a wedding. Apparently she had remarried six times before this marriage. I had no idea when she asked to marry."
The couple openly excluded the OP from their wedding plans.
"Since December, they would openly talk about their plans for who was going. They told me that it was going to be a small wedding, including his wife's adult daughter and her husband, my dad's two friends from high school, and his youngest brother."
"I asked if I was invited, and they said I couldn't go because they were just gonna go to the courthouse to sign documents and then go to a concert in Vegas, and that was it."
" I was still very persistent about going because this is a lifetime experience, and I wanted to be there for his big moment. I also really like Godsmack and wanted to go, LOL."
The couple made the situation even worse by lying to the OP about their precise plans.
"They got married on the 11th this month. They lied about all their plans to me."
"I called my dad the day of his wedding, and he was in an expensive limo, supposed to be on the way to their wedding to sign documents? Nope! They went to the Grand Gothic at the Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel."
"It was beautiful, and I was never told about this. I feel so hurt, but so petty and invasive for wanting to be there."
The OP never felt welcome, but the wedding confirmed his feelings.
"But anyways, his wife has always been disrespectful towards me. She won me over in the beginning, but when I started to get sick, she turned on me. I have a chronic illness that causes me to struggle with lots of things."
"She is a nurse and openly tells me that I am faking what I have and that it's not real."
"She also talks badly to my face about my mother and degrades her."
"My dad has done nothing to stop this behavior towards me."
"My only real conclusion on why I wasn't invited is because of my existence. I am a reminder of my dad's ex-wife, and that is why I am not welcomed. I was never told this to my face, but it has been my only thought since their marriage."
The OP tried to talk to his dad about everything, but it solved nothing.
"I have tried to communicate how I feel with my dad one-on-one. I've brought it up several times since December that I feel really hurt and unwanted due to this; he tells me it's not that big of a deal."
"I also have been living with my mom primarily since 2012. I see my dad on weekends. I think that will be less soon."
"In another phone call, I called my dad and said I was upset over not getting invited. I said how I was unhappy with how he lied to me about the plans."
"He told me he never lied to me and that I am making things up. 'Why would I buy a suit to just go to a concert?' he said."
"He also stated that there were no kids there and 'I wouldn't have enjoyed it,' and then his wife made a snarky remark about how there was a lot of walking, and I couldn't handle it."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some understood why the OP was upset and sympathized with him.
"NOR. I understand why you are hurt. I would be too, especially since your stepmother's daughter was invited."
"Has she really been married seven times? Incredible! Hopefully that means you won't have to know her for long." - Terrible_Reaction395
"NOR. Being lied to about your own dad’s wedding while his stepdaughter got invited would hurt anyone."
"And seven marriages is definitely a lot of plot development." - Minimum-Cow-9106
"NOR, god, a nurse telling you your chronic illness is fake and making a comment about how much walking you could handle, with your dad sitting there saying nothing."
"That's the pattern; the wedding is just the clearest example of it."
"You're 17, you live with your mum, and you get to decide how much of this you keep showing up for, to be honest..." - COTTONmarker
"Does dad not want a relationship with you? Maybe one day he will wake up and realize how crappy his behavior was."
"I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you have a great relationship with your mom." - Scary-Rub5371
"NOR. The six prior marriages is a huge red flag. I would try to talk to your dad alone. Tell him how hurt you were, and you would appreciate it if the new wife would not speak of your mom."
"Maybe he doesn't know what is happening. No matter what, you should have been there and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." - jonzluv2013
"So, your dad and the new wife are a**holes. I'm guessing because you aren't of age and have health issues, they thought you'd cramp their style on the trip, which is selfish as h**l."
"I hate to say it, but I don't think it's going to change. If your dad is not only condoning but participating in this crap, then he's causing up in the new at the expense of the old."
"Do what you need to do to preserve your peace. That may mean going low or no contact with them, depending on your living situation."
"Also, if at all possible, please consider getting therapy to help you navigate this. Good luck. NOR." - Aggravating_Cat_6295
"NOR. Dad’s gonna be begging for forgiveness when she dumps him in three years, too, just like the others." - fabulousfantabulist
"NOR. Have a one-on-one discussion with your father. Let him know the hurt he caused. Then leave it at that. Play the long game. Get him to pay for your college education. Have him set up a trust in your name that he can put four years' worth of tuition in."
"This can be explained as: he doesn’t have to worry about any increased fees, etc."
"Once you graduate from university, don’t invite him to the ceremony. Cut ties. When you get married, don’t invite him. When you have kids, don’t let him know or allow him to develop a relationship with them. Essentially, turn him into someone you don’t even know."
"When he gets divorced, pretty much in a couple of years based on his wife’s track record, tell him that it is not your problem. He cut you out of his life, so you have no feeling towards his issue." - sog96
A few shared similar experiences they'd had when their parents remarried.
"My father-in-law fell for a lady that had four previous marriages. She took complete control of his life. Isolated him from his kids. Made him sell his house and ranch, then buy a new house and a new ranch with her name on the deeds."
"Used him up, and when the time was right, she filed for divorce and took him for half of everything. It absolutely crushed him."
"She also seduced him when my mother-in-law was battling brain cancer. That’s a whole other thing, and honestly, I felt like him getting f**ked over was recompense for leaving my mother-in-law while she was still fighting for her life."
"I mean, seven marriages is insane. The pattern is there, OP. Help your dad see the red flags." - RegularMaximum3570
"I have been in your position. When my Dad got married the first time, his wife INSISTED that I was part of the wedding, and I was. I was about six years old, and my stepsister and I (and several other women) were bridesmaids and a big part of the ceremony. Then they split up."
"The next wife was not a fan of me. I wasn't really a fan of her, either, but I was young, so I was nice and respectful to her for many years. I knew they were engaged, but I never heard any of the wedding plans."
"One day I got a card in the mail. It was a picture of my Dad, his new wife in a wedding dress, and the new wife's daughter. They were all on a cruise ship. So not only was I not invited, but she had the audacity to send me a wedding picture after they got married. I didn't care that much because I wasn't a fan, but my Mom was P**SED!"
"Around this same time, the new wife sent me a letter telling me that everything I've experienced as a child with my Father (he's an alcoholic and was really awful to me for many, many years; we are no contact now) was a lie. He never drank in front of me; he never didn't pick me up for my six weeks of time with him during the summer (it was the best summer of my life; I got to spend almost the whole thing at my Aunt and uncle's with my cousin!). It was quite the letter."
"Also, I don't think she finished high school because the writing was atrocious! She kept talking about pictures but spelled it pitchers, and I was very, very confused. I finally corrected all of the incorrect spelling and grammar and sent it back to her. At that point, my Dad finally read it and got real mad."
"I think you're NOR. I would be p**sed and hurt too (and I was) if I were you."
"I would try to chat with your Dad one-on-one and let him know your feelings on the subject. It won't change anything, but talking it out might make things a little better. My Dad and I didn't have much of a relationship, so I never bothered, but I think if we did, I definitely would have talked to him one-on-one. I'm sorry they hurt you like this." - Nice_Distance_5433
The subReddit completely understood why the OP was upset and were angry on his behalf.
Based on the new wife's track record, the OP's dad likely would not be in this new marriage for long, but since he'd kept the OP out of his life during what should have been an incredibly pivotal time, there was little reason for the OP to involve him in his.
