Redditor airltacheck is a teen student from Ireland who lives in a town they described as having a "financial divide."
The wealth gap was made even more apparent at the school.
After a confrontation for a shaming incident, the Original Poster (OP) visited the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit and asked:
"AITA for telling a girl to check her privilege?"
The OP explained:
"My school made the switch from paper to laptops/iPads two years ago, and since then you can really see whose parents have money."
"I'm currently using some Asus my uncle gave me because my family are below the poverty line, he bought it in 2011, and although the battery is shot, it still runs and word works so I don't need much else."
"There is a pretty big financial divide in my town, and thus a large divide in the school, which is one of two secondary schools."
"A girl in my class posted a tiktok where she was rating people's laptops/iPads, she recorded mine which was plugged in with it's external hard drive and you could very clearly see the left side of the screen that is broken."
"She rated it a -3/10 of and wrote 'Poor girl' and zoomed in on my shoes to prove a point, my shoes are fine they're just not air force 1s."
"Other laptops that weren't the latest MacBook or the latest iPad got rated pretty low. One of my friends showed me her video, and I confronted her about it."
"She seems really sheltered and I asked her to take it down. She refused so then I told her, saying that it's incredibly classist and I don't want that on the internet."
"She still refused and I got madder each time, eventually I just said, 'check your f**king privilege, not everyone can afford a €2000 [$2,381] laptop and not everyone f**king prioritizes flashy over functional.'"
"She hasn't taken down the video, and my friend who showed me it says I overreacted and that made me an a**hole. She said she's just sheltered and I shouldn't overreact like that."
"AITA?"
Strangers were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP and declared they were not the a**hole.
"NTA. Not understanding that not everyone can afford new electronics = sheltered. Identifying that someone is 'poor' and dragging them for it = a**hole." - snootnoots
"NTA. Her video is essentially bullying everyone who doesn't have the latest apple product."
"Personally, I'd report the video to the school. They were incredibly short sighted to switch to digital without providing the hardware themselves." - janewilson90
"NTA. Please show admin this video."
"It's cyber bullying and it's being filmed directly in the school."
"If they get wishywashy about it - be assertive. 'This was filmed in the school without my permission. I have now been out on the internet specifically with the intent to mock me. This is cyber bullying and an invasion of my privacy. Deal with it before I go to the media.'"
"I say this as a teacher."
"Cyber bullying is hard to deal with for schools because it happens outside of school hours. But in this instance - it's VERY clearly done AT SCHOOL. It will be a PR nightmare for them. Make them deal with it." – Ohcrumbcakes
"NTA, one thing to make a video rating computers/tablets. Another one phrasing it in such a way it's just humiliating. However in this context she was definitely out to rant against those poorer than her, sad." - Mera1506
"That friend is not your friend - and good for you for sticking up for yourself."
"Comfort yourself knowing that if that video stays up it's going to haunt her for the rest of her life/future career (despite how it might seem, most companies don't want the negativity publicity that an employee mocks those with less money... especially a child with less money)"
"Stay strong, and good for you too realizing something most adults never learn (leading to debt and bad credit!) - function IS what's most important! NTA." – Powerful-Peace-9826
"It might not be illegal, but bullying is likely against tiktok's site policy. You can consider reporting the video to the platform for harassment against yourself." – spiritfiend
"Yes it is, she still filmed and posted you without consent in school which is defined as a safe space as well as government and private property."
"Why do you think documentaries have people with blurred faces? Because they need consent, it's absolutely illegal what she did. Report it. Also NTA." – wyckedblonde00
While the rules about non-consensual filming in the UK were dubious in the comments, the OP confirmed she was from Ireland and said:
"In Ireland, it is not illegal to record anyone without their consent, its up to the owner/principal to decide what is and isn't prohibited. My school doesn't do sh*t about it."
"There's no laws on it here, it's not illegal to film someone without consent. Not everywhere is America."
"We're talking about a country that only made revenge porn illegal a few months ago, you really think recording someone fully clothed will be illegal yet?"
To which a Redditor responded:
"Ireland is in the EU and under EU data protection laws what she did is banned. you can definitely report her."
"If it holds for the EU, it holds for Ireland." – bluepoolstojumpinto
The Irish community confirmed some information on how the OP could take action.
"I'm a teacher in Ireland. Go to the principal, go to the deputies, go to your year head."
"This is bullying for a start and most schools have strict rules about filming people in school and posting online. Don't let them drop it or sweep it under the rug." – rabbitinasantasuit
"I'm Irish, I live in Ireland. This is illegal."
"ETA- under GDPR personally identifiable data includes videos images. Consent is required, particularly when sharing images of a minor. Parental permission is required and the school are required to take this seriously."
"Also, this is bullying, which would fall under school policy too. If the school doesn't listen, go to the board of directors." - carraigfraggle
"Get your parents involved. Irish law around recording and sh*t is really bad so you probably won't get much help there but also try and report the video on the platform. What an AH that girl is." – Squidjit89
Overall, Redditors tried to convince the OP this was bullying and the classmate needed to be reported.
However, the OP updated their post indicating that reporting the incident was not in the cards.
"It is not a crime to record someone without consent here, regardless of how old said person is."
"If you want me to reply to anything, inbox it to me I'm in AITA jail."
"Guys, even if I wanted to report this, I can't. It won't work too well in my favor, regardless of how you take that."
"Whole account has been suspended, no replies for 3 days lads sorry."
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.