Let's be honest: We've likely all been in a situation where someone was complaining so much, we wished we could do something to teach them a little perspective.
But even if we had the opportunity to teach them that lesson, doesn't mean we should, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor TaxRightoffer was becoming increasingly frustrated by their wife's complaints about a particular mother and baby who was on their flight because the baby was miserable and crying.
In an effort to help the mother be more comfortable and to teach their wife a lesson, the Original Poster (OP) gave away their first-class seat, forcing their wife to sit next to the mother and baby.
They asked the sub:
"AITA for giving a mother with a crying baby my seat near my wife to teach her a lesson?"
The OP observed a mother and baby struggling on their flight.
"My wife and I recently went on a trip together paid for by her dad. He flew us to Hawaii with first-class seats. We had a great time."
"My wife is used to traveling while I'm less experienced with plane travel. This was the first time I flew first-class."
"On our way back home, we were seated near the back, so we were by the border between us and the 'undesirables.'"
"A mother and her baby were one of the first to board, and the poor baby was not having a good time. I felt even worse got the mother as I know she's probably equally distressed about the baby crying."
They were frustrated by how their wife complained about the situation.
"While I felt sympathy, my wife was mad. She kept making comments about how our flight was going to be miserable as the best."
"Her complaining went on for the longest time. She kept saying that the mother was irresponsible and that if she doesn't know how to calm her baby, she shouldn't be taking it on a plane."
"I tried to tell her to calm down as it was not that serious, but she wasn't having it."
"Eventually I got tired of that, so I offered to go speak to the mom for my wife. She said she would be happy if I did."
The OP decided to take this interaction as an opportunity.
"I went back in-between boarding groups and told the mother that if she wanted, I would give her my first class seat so she can kick her feet up and that may be more comfortable for her and the baby."
"She didn't want to initially but I insisted and her husband encouraged her to take it."
"She took her baby up to first class and I got a series of angry texts from my wife."
"I felt like this was not a huge deal as my wife brought noise-canceling headphones. And the other people in first class most likely did, as well. And if they don't, they have normal headphones and can simply block out the baby."
"It's 2023, not 1990. We're not living in the Stone Age."
"Also, he baby cried for maybe a cumulative 30 minutes on an eight-hour flight. So barely at all."
The OP was surprised by how furious their wife was.
"When my wife and I met up, she was livid. She told me that I ruined her flight and ruined the end of the trip for her."
"I told her that she was overreacting to something that's only mildly annoying."
"She has refused to drop this."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some understood the OP's frustration surrounding their wife's complaints.
"NTA. And I say this as a childfree person. I don't understand the obsessive hatred people have with crying babies on planes."
"You should go into a flight prepared knowing that there will probably be babies, snoring people, smelly people, people who accidentally touch you, and other little annoyances."
"What's more annoying than a crying baby is the grown adult complaining non-stop about the crying baby which is what it sounds like your wife was doing."
"You can't control other people. Only how you respond to them. You're already paying for the ticket and your trip. Spend a little bit more for some headphones and some classical music and just relax." - AdFinancial8924
"NTA."
"The OP wrote, 'She kept saying that the mother was irresponsible and if she doesn't know how to calm her baby, she shouldn't be taking it on a plane.' Like, really?"
"Also, 'My wife was mad. She kept making comments about how our flight was going to be miserable as the best. Her completing went on for the longest time.' Perhaps you were irresponsible for taking your wife on a plane if you don't know how to calm her down." - diminishingpatience
"NTA. What you did may have been petty but it was also incredibly sweet. I'm sure the lady really appreciated the gesture. Your wife needs to stop being so bratty." - Little_Meringue766
"ESH."
"Your wife should not be complaining so much, y'all are on first-class tickets to Hawaii with noise-canceling headphones. Be grateful this is not going to ruin your trip, lady. Also, strange she is bothered by something so far away, is she super sensitive to noise?"
"You also could have just told your wife how you feel and tried to give her perspective instead of bringing what she was annoyed about directly next to her. That is not husbandly behavior AT ALL!"
"The baby is NTA and just a baby; it's ok for them to cry. They do suck a binky, though, so ESH." - crazyhey2
"Oh my god, honestly, I absolutely love this. Your wife sounds like an insufferable a** and is exactly what's wrong with our compassionless society. NTA." - orangeofdeath
Others thought the OP's behavior toward their wife was a red flag.
"If he wanted to be NTA, he would have told her that if she didn't stop complaining, he'd move or put on noise-canceling headphones. That's what adults do in relationships. They establish healthy boundaries and give the other person a chance to either accept those boundaries or not."
"They don't play weird mind games as he did, invalidate anyone's feelings or declare what feelings are 'appropriate' like you did, or refer to partners as people who 'need to be taught a lesson,' since our partners aren't children or students." - Proof-Tangerine6373
"YTA. Lol (laughing out loud, teach your wife a lesson..."
"Don't stay married to her if you need to do petty things."
"At least they can save money in the future by not getting a first-class ticket for you." - RandomGuy_81
"YTA for weaponizing your wife's comments against her, and for treating her like a child who needed to be 'taught a lesson.' She's your partner, who wanted to enjoy a vacation with you, and you ditched her at the finish line. Who does that?" - Proof-Tangerine6375
"YTA."
"Why isn't a woman allowed to complain to a husband about a crying baby? Why does that make her the AH? She didn't confront the woman, make loud comments so the woman could hear, and she didn't make a scene. She had a whine/moan to her spouse."
"Instead, you decided to punish your wife. You were on a free trip paid for by her father and decided you need to be a petty b**tard."
"I wouldn't invite you on the next trip." - MrsJonesy2012
"YTA."
"You seem to be confused about what your position is, so I'll explain it to you. You're not her parent. You're not her teacher. You're not her boss. You're not her trial judge. You're her husband."
"I feel so sorry for your wife. It's obvious you think you're her overseer, something no grown-a** woman needs. I hope this helps her see she doesn't need you and that she gets rid of you so she can find someone to actually behave like a husband rather than a self-made authority figure."
"By the way, the only 'lesson' she learned from this is that she married an AH." - Myhairs0nFire2
Some similarly thought using the mother and baby as a tool in their lesson was wrong.
"YTA. You used a baby as a weapon. Not sure how you can not be the AH." - pottersquash
"YTA."
"You left your wife for an eight-hour flight for complaining about a frustrating situation. Nobody likes babies crying on planes!"
"Plus, you separated the mother from the husband/father, who should have been helping with the baby throughout the flight. You gave him an easy out to be a deadbeat dad for eight hours." - Human_Reference_3366
"YTA. You weren't doing this out of the kindness of your heart. You used a mother and her child who were probably already stressed as a pawn in your weird game."
"Your wife was making mean comments, yes, but she was complaining to you, her husband, not making a scene or confronting the woman with her baby." - rickymarie177
"YTA but not to your wife. The poor mother with a crying baby probably had an even worse experience because her husband wasn't there to help, and your wife was probably complaining the entire time." - strandedinaber
"YTA. You didn't do that to help the mom and kid. You did it to annoy your wife." - DramaticWebPersona
"He's also the AH for white-knighting (and actually using) this woman and her baby to p**s off his wife. Sure, she was in first class and whoopee for that, but can you imagine the death stares that poor woman would be getting there? Without even having her husband for backup?"
"This guy wasn't thinking of that mom. He was thinking about himself getting one over on his wife (who it sounds like he doesn't like very much)." - underlightning69
A few Redditors thought the OP had done the mother and the baby a kindness by giving them a more comfortable seat and space for the duration of the flight, but most of the subReddit found the situation to be more complicated than that.
Most questioned if the OP even liked or respected their wife since they were so fixated on teaching their wife a "lesson" and using the mother and baby as a tool to do that. If that was really how they felt about their wife, this first-class trip might be the last substantial trip they go on together.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.