We always hope our best friends will be for life and we make the same wishes for our marriages.
But in order to make any of those relationships work, we have to keep open lines of communication, like how money will be spent in a marriage.
One woman found herself struggling with this, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Throwawayy236 tried having a conversation with her husband when he saw nothing wrong with how he handled a situation.
Unable to make progress, the Original Poster (OP) questioned if she was wrong.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for flipping out at my husband for spending 3K dollars on his best friend’s bachelor party?”
The OP knew her husband wanted to show his friends a good time when his best friend got married.
“Ok, so I’ll start by saying I’m a 25 [Female] and my husband is 24. We also have one kid, we have a little boy.”
“So, his best friend that he has known for years recently got married.”
“He makes more money than his buddies do and he had been saying that he wanted to have a ‘good time’ with them for this. I had no idea exactly how much, though.”
She had no idea how much he intended to spend, however.
“Well, they went out a couple of days ago and they ended up having a limo, bottle service at some club, staying at a hotel, etc.”
“I found out after I checked our bank and saw all the money that was being taken out for different expenses.”
Since then, the couple hasn’t been able to reconcile the issue.
“When I confronted him he told me that it wasn’t a problem and that I was being overly dramatic about the situation and that he had a good time without affecting our finances.”
“I was furious about it and just kept thinking about how I was kept out of the loop with it.”
“He doesn’t see it as an issue though. AITA?
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out big financial decisions like this need to be made together.
“NTA. Based on the way you’re talking about your finances I’m going to assume that you and your husband have joint accounts.”
“Whether or not you two could afford it is irrelevant, he made an expensive financial decision without you. $3k is a lot for most people at any age, enough that he should have discussed with you beforehand roughly how much he was planning to spend.”
“Could you have handled it more maturely when you found out? Sure. But you’re not in the wrong for being angry about this.” – RoboClaus
“Even if you make good money you should not be spending that much money without agreement and $3000 for a party? Wonder if they spend that much money together on things? NTA” – JuryNo7670
“I pledged 1k of my personal account on a Kickstarter and actually communicated it with my spouse, and made sure I could afford it without tapping into my emergency buffer. Spending 3k of a joint account without discussing it… Yikes.” – MichaelChandra
“If y’all have joint checking definitely NTA. As in any happy, healthy marriage money is always a thing that honestly can hurt the relationship if there isn’t an understanding.”
“By that, using my marriage for example, we make good money, but we also have a budget. Yes, sometimes we don’t stick to said budget cause one or both of us want something extra. Now out of respect for each other no one has to ask for permission to buy things, but if it a sizable amount we talk it over with each other.”
“Like why on earth would your husband spend thousands and not talk to you about what’s going on. Maybe cause he thought it is ridiculous what he’s doing, or he is just being immature, trying to show off, and not thinking about you even though you are apart of financial decisions.”
“I don’t know his mindset, but you two definitely need to come up with boundaries and what/how much you can spend without talking to each other.”
“Like god forbid that he is out spending thousands and say there is an emergency that you need said funds. Without communication, obviously there will be an issue.” – Natenat04
“That’s a lot of money to spend without having a conversation with the wife. You two need to align on the “threshold” before it turns into a conversation. Each couple is different but it helps keep things clear.” – Thediciplement
Others assumed the OP didn’t contribute to the account financially, thus earning her a YTA.
“Ordinarily I’d be on your side for this since $3k is a large enough chunk of money that it should be discussed ahead of time, but in this case, YTA.”
“You’re the a**hole because you’ve been asked repeatedly for info, with multiple questions each time, but will only answer that it’s a joint account. I think you don’t want to answer the other questions because you know YTA here and you don’t want a real judgment, you just want a bunch of internet strangers to stroke your ego.” – Zaphod71952
“I agree. Just because her name is on the account doesn’t mean she contributes to it. In fact, her refusal to answer that question tells us for sure that she doesn’t. He might earn crazy money working insane hours and is entirely within his right to enjoy it by giving a one-time party for his friends.”
“If she had answered that he overdrew the account and now they can’t pay bills, or that he used their vacation or house renovation savings, then, of course, he was wrong. But she doesn’t.”
“I get the sense that her anger is more fueled by jealousy that he had a good time without her than for any real financial issue.” – Background_Ad4834
“I feel like you keep answering ‘this came out of joint money’ without providing any other context about your finances. It being joint money is only part of the story here.”
“Are your expenses typically equal? Has he not had the chance to do anything fun in a while? Does he contribute significantly more than you? Is this a hit financially or would you really not even notice if you hadn’t seen it?”
“All of that matters, but because you keep choosing to not answer those other questions, I’m staying with NAH” – simba1998
An open line of communication in a marriage is key, especially where finances are concerned. If that alone was the concern, the sub was firm on an NTA.
But the subReddit was suspicious the OP wasn’t being too communicative with the thread in her story, when she was only willing to say they shared a joint account, from which her husband spent the 3,000 dollars. But without further information, the sub seemed pretty convinced the OP actually deserved a YTA.