Some would consider finding the perfect roommate a fool’s errand.
Ideally, one hopes to find someone reliable, easy to talk to, respectful of boundaries and shared spaces, who shares your hobbies and interests.
But in reality, it’s hard not to find a roommate with whom you don’t share at least one major point of contention.
Redditor Beingbtchy initially hit it off quite well with her roommate.
But things took a turn when this roommate made a major lifestyle change, and expected the original poster (OP) to follow suit.
But the OP was not on board with this request, leading to a major strain on their friendship.
Worried that she was at fault for their estrangement, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for flipping out on my roommate when she tried to ban drinking and alcohol from our apartment?”
The OP first explained how her roommate tended to make shifts reflecting her current boyfriends, and this time she expected the OP to join her in this lifestyle change.
“I (26 F[emale]) have lived with my friend, we will call her A (27 f[emale]) for a few years now.”
“We have always had fun and typically get along super well.”
“A has a tendency to be what I like to call a relationship chameleon.”
“Whoever she is currently dating she starts to mimic their likes and behaviors.”
“This guy she has been dating for maybe two months apparently went through rehab for alcoholism and has been in recovery for a few years now.”
“I know getting sober isn’t easy and I respect the strength that it takes to work through that.”
“Well a couple of weeks ago A announced she is giving up alcohol in solidarity with him.”
“Okay cool, she’s never been a big drinker so no big deal.”
“She became a vegan for the last guy because he was, she went right back to meat as soon as he ended things.”
“The time before she talked about converting to Judaism because ‘when they have kids’ the mother had to be Jewish etc .etc.”
“None of her other relationship trends have ever effected me or my lifestyle.”
“Right after announcing her newly sober lifestyle she starts being judgmental and pushy.”
“We have a bar cart that was pretty pricey that’s well stocked, she told me we need to get rid of it.”
“I said absolutely not.”
“She then said I can keep it but it needs to go in my room.”
“Once again no, we live in the city bedrooms are small.”
“I only drink on weekends because my work is intense & wake early.”
“A bunch of us were out to dinner and she complained we were making her uncomfortable for having drinks and said we should respect her.”
“The final straw was last night.”
“My boyfriend (bf) came over, A was out with her bf, and I made us a super nice meal he brought over nice wine.”
“A and her bf came home early, he goes into her room and she freaks out saying how she told me she has banned alcohol from our apartment.”
“I snapped and told her she is ridiculous this is my apartment and that when this guy eventually gets sick of her she will be drinking again.”
“I also told her I was sick of her sh*t and that the apartment was in my name only, I lived here with another friends prior and she needs to move out.”
“She grabbed sober bf and stormed out.”
“I can’t keep living like this.”
“AITA for snapping on her and telling her to move out?”
“I can afford my place solo the stress she is causing isn’t worth it.”
“She apparently started a group text with all of our mutual friends with a distorted version of what happened saying I went crazy and kicked her out.”
“My phone blew up with messages with people mad at me and I had to tell people what actually happened.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for losing her temper with her roommate.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s roommate was being completely unreasonable, particularly as it was the OP’s apartment, and that she had no right to tell the OP how she had to live her life.
“She either needs to live alone or understand she doesn’t run the world.”
“This is not like you are renting a room from her house.”
“She needed a reality check.”-NiteGrimwood
“She was acting like she herself was in recovery, which is bullsh*t.”
“She doesn’t have a drinking problem so there’s no reason for her to ban it from YOUR home.”-ToastylilToast
“Like you said, this is your apartment also.”
“Any decisions like that need to be made between the two of you, not just made by decree from one.”
“It’s fine for her to stop drinking in solidarity with her boyfriend.”
“What isn’t fine is when she tries to force it on everyone around her.”- bamf1701
“NTA, and I’m stealing the term relationship chameleon.”
“I have a former friend that acts the same way and it’s exhausting.”-HoenessRaus
“NTA you have outgrown this roommate.”- hippychick1111
“There isn’t a universe in which you’re the a**hole.”
“If it was something you agreed on when moving in the same apartment, it would be a different situation.”
“People can’t just make rules up as they go.”
“I always get a bit sad when I see women who think they need to completely emulate their partner.”
“Girl, no.”- MiruTheSloth
“NTA, she can’t just expect you to change your whole way of living because she has decided to mirror this new boyfriend like she has others before him, sounds like she is quite the follower.”
“What if her next boyfriend is some type of neo- nazi?”
“Enough is enough, you don’t need this type of immaturity.”
“Clearly she has very low self esteem and puts whomever she is sleeping with or dating before you, showing you no respect.”- jibbergirl26
“Tell everyone the story of her crazy self, and if they feel they can deal with her, they can offer her a place to stay.”- GroundbreakingPhoto4
“If he can’t handle seeing a bottle of wine nearby, his recovery is not very strong.”
“Alcohol is everywhere.”
“Recovery is an internal commitment, not changing your environment to never see a triggering thing again.”
“I gave up drinking and my spouse has bottles of wine and sometimes drinks at home.”
“It’s fine, my recovery is about me and my own commitment to myself, not about never seeing a cocktail again.”- chzsteak-in-paradise
“The ‘relationship chameleon’ is an excellent way to phrase what A. and so many others I’ve known, do when dating.”
“It is frustrating as hell, especially when they push these new behaviors onto others for the short term, and, as you point out, they go right back to their previous behavior when the relationship ends.”
“NTA at all for just being done with A trying to dictate what you can and can’t do in your home.”-voluntold9276
“There’s are very few people who would be willing to put up with her BS of changing for each new bf, what’s she going to do if she gets a short bf , cut her legs off to be short too.”
“She’s ridiculous in her demands and needs her own place, so she can live by whatever standards her bfs desire at any given moment.”- bertiebastard
“I know someone like this! “
“Although she has never forced her revolving door personalities on anyone else.”
“We dated in high school and she became a metal head to fit in.”
“Started practicing bass guitar.”
“Next was a Chinese actor.”
“She started shopping for agents, redecorated the bathroom with Chinese letters and deco, started wearing Chinese dresses.”
“Next guy was a costume vampire for scare parks, but maintained his vamp persona and look most of the time.”
“She of course also became a vampire.”
“So many uniforms over time, it’s wild.”
“Anyway… NTA.”- SanguumRides
The OP eventually gave an update to where her relationship with her roommate currently stood.
“So I have texted her twice since this morning, I haven’t seen her after our argument and her leaving.”
“I am thinking she blocked me because none of the iMessages are showing ‘read’ like they typically do but I am not tech savvy so I am not sure.”
“I went to send her a message through FB messenger because I want to sit down tonight and talk and she unfriended and blocked me apparently.”
“What the f*ck does this accomplish?”
“I am fortunate that I am WFH today so I mean she has to come back at some point.”
“You know that wine she was so mad about?”
“I wish I wasn’t working because I would like a glass right now.”
“The level of immaturity here is insane.”
One never wants to see two friends become estranged.
But maybe a little time apart from each other might be the best thing for the OP and this roommate.
Where hopefully the OP’s roommate can see what her controlling behavior might lead to.