It's not cool to make up facts so that you can appear smart.
Period.
So it's natural to want to keep misinformation in check.
Redditor Vegetable-Edge-9973, a German woman, did this openly to a classmate who made a very false and damaging claim about Germany's educational practices. She received blowback, however, for the voracity with which she shut down this misinformation.
Wanting objective feedback, she went to the popular subReddit "Am I The A**hole" or "AITA" to hear from strangers:
"AITA for embarrassing someone for making up facts?"
Our original poster, or OP, gave us background about herself.
"Background: I'm originally from Germany, but moved countries after my a levels and currently visit college here via a scholarship (it's a partner college of the German university I am officially registered in; saved me the tuition costs; will move back next year for my bachelor thesis)."
"Okay so on Friday I (21F[emale]) was in philosophy class about historical philosophy, our current topic's about the importance of teaching history and critical history teaching."
"I am not the biggest participator, but it's not like we never participate. One girl starts to talk about how 'Teach history to never repeat it' isn't necessarily true because 'Germany didn't fall back into dictatorship and they don't learn about WW2.'"
OP openly corrected this person.
"Obviously that really struck me and I raised my hand and I explained to her that this was false and that, in fact, WW2 is a huge subject in German schools."
"She called me a liar and said that German schools are prohibited from teaching about that. I was very confused because I would say my accent is very noticeable (but maybe she just didn't realize it's German)."
"So I told her 'I went to a German school for 13 years, so I know what I was told in history class and WW2 was definitely the biggest subject.'"
"Other students chimed in and even our professor corrected her on this stance. Class moved on as usual."
But then, the conflict wasn't over.
"A few hours after the class I receive a private message from her, telling me that I was being unnecessarily rude towards her and asking if I had any personal problems with her. I don't."
"To be fully honest, before she sent me a message I didn't even know her name and for me, she was just another face in one of my classes."
"So I told her no and then she just said 'Next time you should maybe not be as rude towards others who are just stating their opinion. You don't need to embarrass them for it.'"
"Which baffled me because for me it was nothing personal at all and I really just wanted to correct her info since it happened to be something I am very knowledgable about (= education of Germany, not WW2."
"While I know a lot of stuff after like 5 years of intense history classes and every-day German life that's still very focused on it, I must admit it was never my favourite subject. But she said 'Next time just correct someone in a kinder tone.'"
"I don't see how I was rude in this situation. My friends already joked that she maybe mistook me as being rude because 'Germans always sound angry.'"
"But even if that's true, I dont think WHAT I said could be interpreted as a personal attack in any way?"
"I mean, she got corrected by other students and our professor as well, so it wasn't just me. I personally don't think I was rude, but maybe I am just missing something here?
"AITA?"
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors agreed that OP wasn't rude at all...or even close.
"I am German myself and i work for a globally operating country to have daily meetings with people from North America, Latin America, Asia/ Pacific region, Africa and all over Europe."
"And i KNOW that we Germans tend to be very direct - its not meant rude at all, we just dont beat around the bush."
"When someone states something as a fact that is not true, we say things like: 'This is incorrect, the true fact is XYZ.' While people from other cultures would word it like: 'This is your opinion, i believe XYZ might be more correct.'"
"First very direct answer could be perceived as rude, while every german would be like: Ah, yes i was wrong. No problem."
"You are NTA anyways, because what the girl stated was not an opinion but an incorrect fact, she even insisted on, calling you a liar. So, i dont see any rudeness here at all. But then again: I am german too ;)"-MadameMimmm
"Your exchange was extremely polite, made me chuckle a little because I'm a philosophy major (I have a bachelor and currently writing my master dissertation) and some of our philosophy classes were BRUTAL!"
"Our professors 'baited' us to start discussing and let me tell you, things got heated! Especially because it was very common for someone to say, for example, the word 'free' and the professor going 'but…what is freedom?' and chaos emerged."
"I remember a lot of yelling LOL (well I'm in Italy and the stereotype about passionate Italians is 100% accurate) But the thing is, this was not even a proper discussion, it was a fact."
"Like if a math professor asks what formula to use to solve this equation, someone says 'x' and someone else goes 'no it's y.' That's it. No need to be embarrassed, that's university, that's life."
"And honestly how could she actually believe that people in Germany don't study WW2? It's ludicrous!"-slytherinsus
"NTA Next class, just say 'my hair is green.' When people correct you, loudly say 'y'all can ignore my statement and privately tell me why it is wrong.'"
"Besides all that, you're in CLASS, this is the place to be wrong, so you can be corrected and LEARN. She's a dumba**."-BadWolf7426
"You absolutely shouldn't have ignored her statement, because if you had done so and so had everyone else, a bunch of kids would have walked away thinking Germany still refuses to teach kids about the atrocities of WWII."
"You did the right thing. This girl felt attacked because a bunch of people told her she was wrong, and she decided to blame you. She should have checked her facts."-Sabrielle24
And most people noted that a fact is not a matter of opinion.
"NTA. It's funny that you mentioned that Germans sounding angry as a reason because I was thinking this as I read the post."
"I think it's perfectly possible this girl hasn't really had any real interaction with actual Germans so can easily be taken aback by the forwardness in how you guys tend to communicate."
"I had a friend that was awful at correcting people, she tiptoed around it not wanting to appear rude, but it always came across a bit passive aggressive."
"An example would be her saying something like 'Oh, I didn't know Rio was the capital of Brazil, I always thought it was Brasilia, I'm probably not remembering properly' if you called her on it, she would admit she knew it was Brasilia but was trying to spare feelings."
"I appreciate the German directness, just understand not everyone is used to it."-LDKCP
"NTA based on how you sound it honestly just sounds like a classroom discussion and she didn't like coming across as uneducated in front of everyone else which is her problem not yours since you can't control how people react/feel."
"You can only control how you react and you seem to have reacted kindly."-frightnightz
"NTA. What strikes me is that she said, 'Next time you should maybe not be as rude towards others who are just stating their opinion.'"
"What she seems to not understand is that saying something that is incorrect because you do not know the facts is not an opinion. Something that isn't true is not an opinion."
"You did nothing wrong. You had the advantage of experience and shared it. I think it is laughable that she said to 'just correct someone in a kinder tone' and yet she called you a liar."-patjames904
"NTA Professor here. First, thank you for speaking up in class and sharing your experience."
"Second, I cannot come up with an excuse for your classmate. Has she never been in a class before? Errors of fact need to be corrected on the spot."
"Third, let me tell you what your professor thought at the time:"
"'Sweet, a classmate with actual experience corrected this misapprehension. That is way more effective than my correction, since students take each others' lived experience very seriously, and even the most anti-intellectual ones will usually listen to their classmates' experiences.'"-matthewsmugmanager
"NTA. It is amazing to me the number of people these days who claim that saying or posting an incorrect 'fact' will insist that they are entitled to their 'opinion.'"
"My personal favorite is the guy who claimed that President Obama did not react to 9/11 competently. When told that President Bush was president at that time and Obama did not hold any political office at all, he said he was entitled to his opinion."-Artistic_Bookkeeper
OP provided an update about the girl from her class's behavior.
"So yeah the 'update'. She texted me a lot throughout the day."
"I told her several times that she's making it a bigger thing than it actually is, but she said she wanted me to realize how my tone was rude and how I could 'hurt others' unintentionally if I wouldn't realize and change it (??) She mentioned that she was taught this in school."
"At first I thought she might've misunderstood something but a lot of you commented that you were actually taught this as well?"
"So I guess it was a genuine mistake by her then. I offered her to send her pictures of a German school book."
My brother is still in school, so I thought I could ask him to send me a picture of his index to prove that WW2 is like 1/3 of the books, if she didn't trust my word, but she said she believes me and this was 100% about my tone."
"I repeated my statement that I was correcting her, it was not meant to be rude and that class discussion is the place for disagreement and correcting each other, but she insisted that I was being rude."
"So after a while I just gave up and told her that I think the talk is going nowhere but 'If you ever need some more info about German education, feel free to ask me. I'm more than happy to give you some more insider info.'"
"That was my last message to her and I just left her last message ('I wish you would realize that you came off as hurtful. But let's leave it at that') on read."
It doesn't seem like our OP's conversation with this girl was fruitful, unfortunately, but at least she believes that WWII is taught in Germany extensively now.
Ultimately facts must win out.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.