Redditor NoQuote942 is a wife on furlough who lives with a popular husband in a neighborhood primarily populated by women.
When her husband's popularity became too much to bear, she visited the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit and asked:
"AITA for not allowing my husband to be the entire neighborhood's husband?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained her "weird situation."
"It's become very clear that my husband is the only man on our street."
"The rest of the houses are entirely women. There's a few single mother houses, 2 houses of all female roommates, one single woman, and even a lesbian couple."
"I normally wouldn't care or even take note of this, but since March, it's like we're getting constant calls and texts. The number we gave when we moved in two years ago (just renewed last January) was my number."
"I am FLOODED with requests for basic handyman stuff like changing light bulbs, car problems, and dealing with toilets."
"He has helped people around the neighborhood before because he is a nice guy and we are from a culture that assumes that men need to 'help out' women if they can, even if they're not related."
"But with me being furloughed, he's the only one working and is less interested in extra stuff, but the tasks do only take about 5-20 minutes on average, which I know because my husband makes me go with him because they make him uncomfortable."
"Even more gross than that is that these women are obsessed with him on a personal level. They openly flirt with him and literally offer themselves up if he's 'ever tired of [me]' or 'wants something different.' I have even gotten pictures of boobs from neighbors!"
"While I love my husband and am attracted to him, he's not like a male model or anything so I really don't understand why these women are fawning over him like this."
"One of the single moms has even asked him to come over and discipline one of her children, which is an absolute nope."
"He's not comfortable with any of this and has asked me to intervene. I've tried talking to these women more casually to no avail."
"I set up a zoom for just us ladies to try to get us on the same page."
"They told me that since it's now impossible for any of them to find anyone anymore (2020), I needed to share my husband and be less selfish in regards to household maintenance requests. It's 'not even safe' to call for maintenance and I shouldn't ask them to when there's a 'safe alternative' where they don't have to risk exposure."
They also said that it was just 'harmless flirting' because they're all 'frustrated* and can't date' and that I wouldn't even be threatened by it if I was 'giving him kids'.:
"I've talked to my own family about this and while they say that the women should be less forward, I should be more understanding about how hard it is for a woman to be alone because my own mother was alone.
"AITA for not just dealing with it?"
"*I'm substituting frustrated for the word that was actually used to make this slightly more family friendly."
Anonymous strangers on the internet weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
A majority of Redditors declared NTA and criticized the other women for their inability to take care of themselves and openly flirting and insulting the OP.
"NTA. These grown women should learn how to complete basic home maintenance themselves. Start sending you tube videos to them instead of your husband." – CajunKC
"Seriously especially sh*t like changing a light bulb!! As a woman who live alone YouTube has been my best friend. I can do most basic maintenance around the house and all sorts of DIY. I even built my own bed from scratch!!"
"I don't expect applause for any of this obviously. But if I can do it from reading Wikihow and watching YouTube videos they can too. I'd hate to be so dependent on another person that I couldn't change a lightbulb."
"As for the flirting Jesus Christ they can f'k right off." – faerieunderfoot
"Feminism means putting on a rubber glove and pulling the nasty hair-filled clog from your shower drain yourself." – Relevant_Lime
People mentioned the valuable DIY resources available for the clueless neighborhood.
"When my family moved into our new place there was A LOT of work that needed to be done. Bathroom needed to be fixed, windows needed sealing and a bunch of other things."
"My dad isn't home a whole bunch due to work but my mum is a SAHM so she did almost everything alone by watching YouTube videos and trial and error. FFS I could change a light bulb at 9, adults need to learn basic home repair if they want to own a house."
"And what type of a**hole do you have to be to flirt and make super inappropriate advances ( hecking t**ty pics? Really? That's not just a 'whoops sorry!') Op is for sure NTA."
"Either he needs to grow a pair and tell the other families that he's done because of all of their behaviours, or OP better be ready to get a lot of shit, either way this needs to stop cuz my god not ok." – CoCa_Coa
"I've fixed so much even though I rent. I've repaired leaky toilets, plugged stripped door frame screw holes, changed out dryer electric cords (3 prong to 4 prong), and done pretty extensive car repairs."
"All with the help of YouTube and DIY sites. One of my coworkers was inspired by my can-do attitude, so she repaired her shower when the pipe holding the shower head broke. She thanked me for giving her the confidence to do it."
"I was confused because she didn't ask me for advice before. She explained that hearing about my diy sagas made her realize that she could do it herself."
"I happen to think the biggest lesson she learned from me is that I can rarely complete a task without at least 3 trips to the hardware store lol." – TitaniaT-Rex
"My 7yo can change a light bulb and unblock the toilet. If she didn't know how to, she knows how to look it up on Youtube. WTF is wrong with these women?" – ollieclark
"You both need to start telling them 'no.' You don't need to get them to agree that they're out of line, you just have to say 'Sorry, can't help.'"
"Or, if you don't feel comfortable doing that, could you show up to help? None of things they need help with requires a penis to do." – lamamaloca
"WAIT! how do you change a lightbulb without using your penis?"
"But seriously, now you've put that image in my head I have to strongly agree, OP and her husband need to start saying no, and the jokes about her insecurities coming from them being childless need to stop."
"OP NTA." – GrinerIHaha
"NTA - if they aren't able to maintain their homes, they should move to an apartment with an on-site handyman."
"Neither you nor your husband are comfortable with their requests, and you are a more agreeable woman than I am for putting up with the disrespectful violations of flirting and sending nudes to what they thought was your husband's phone."
"I get trying to be a good neighbor and all, but they are walking all over you both and completely disrespecting your marriage with their 'jokes.' Those aren't jokes coming from the one(s) who sent nudes." – Ipromisetobehonest
Overall, Redditors gave their NTA assessment and reminded the OP and her husband that they are under no obligation to be at the neighborhood's beck and call. Especially when the women were so rude to the OP when she asked them to back off.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.