Weddings can be a difficult event to navigate.
There are so many social norms and customs to be wary of that lots of people can get flustered or not know what is or isn’t appropriate.
So, when your appearance at a wedding infuriates the bride, what do you do?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) closureseekingex when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for showing up at my ex’s wedding in a pretty dress?”
OP explained a bit of the history.
“My ex and I had a peaceful divorce.”
“We co-parent our 3 children together, and there haven’t really been many issues.”
Then she explained the situation at hand.
“My ex is getting married to Stephanie.”
“I like Stephanie she has been great with my kids and makes my ex happy.”
“My ex invited me to their wedding, and I was happy for him. It was my day with the kids, so it made sense for me to come was his reasoning.”
Everything was fine, until…
“When I arrived at the wedding Stephanie thanked me for dropping the kids off and brushed me off. We had never had any issues before.”
“I explained that I was going to stay for the reception and she was very upset.”
“I was confused because I assumed she knew I would be in attendance.”
“It turned out she didn’t consider that I would actually accept the invitation.”
“I told her that I was invited and since I took the 2-hour drive I would be staying for the entire duration.”
“She didn’t like this response. Stephanie asked me to leave, and I stood my ground. She went on to complain about my dress upstaging hers.”
“My ex and former mother-in-law helped her to calm down, and the wedding shortly began.”
“I thought that was the end of it, but later in private Stephanie accused me of trying to ruin her special day.”
“She is convinced that I wanted to show off and make the wedding about my divorce.”
“She said it was rude for me not to leave after the bride requested it because it was her special day.”
“I told her that I am not responsible for her insecurities and once again reminded her that I have no interest in ‘stealing’ my ex back.”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Some pointed out OP’s conflicting stories.
“She also made a different post titled “I upstaged the bride, and I don’t care”, I mean, come on. Of course this was deliberate.” ~ These-Grocery-9387
“Also, super crazy she literally copy and pasted this from r/trueoffmychest and instead of”
“‘I thought that was the end of it'”
“She ends with”
“‘It was satisfying.'” ~ Grabagelaunchaway
“OP is being incredibly disingenuous in this post and is most definitely victim-baiting.”
“What they failed to mention in the post is that they went to the wedding in an entire bridal gown, not just a ‘cute red dress.'”
“I don’t care who you are, going to a wedding in a bridal gown warrants your invite getting revoked.”
“This post is giving narcissism and main character syndrome. YTA OP.”
“It’s also hilarious that OP has now deleted the comment where they initially linked the dress. Clearly they know they were in the wrong and are backtracking”
“OP is a piece of work, previously posted to r/trueoffmychest talking about how she was thrilled that she upstaged her ex’s wife and she is crying herself to sleep.”
“She deleted everything prior to posting here to try to deceive everyone. And she has now deleted her account, what a colossal loser” ~ badbhabie1
Others found the dress in question.
“Lol it’s a wedding dress. It comes in red, but holy sh*t I’d be pissed too.”
“I looked at it, it seems like she searched amazon for red lacy mermaid sweetheart dress.”
“If you type that in it gives a pretty good idea of the dress.”
“I am leaning toward it being too much for an ex’s wedding.” ~ Positive_Bet_4184
“YTA OP. That’s a wedding dress” ~ OrangeCubit
“After seeing the dress, YTA.”
“That dress is too much for a guest at a wedding.”
“Way too bright and unless this was a super elegant wedding, too much.”
“I doubt too elegant as you said barely any dress code was given besides no white.” ~ Celtic_Dragonfly17
There were, of course, also personal stories.
“I don’t understand how some people can do this and not feel embarrassed.”
“Like, my literal nightmare is showing up to an event and having everyone stare and talk about me based on what I’m wearing.”
“ESPECIALLY if what I’m wearing is obviously considered inappropriate.”
“I can’t imagine anyone said anything positive about what she wore… except maybe a few random horny dudes.”
“Score.” ~ Reddit
“I once (in my mid-20s) attended my new-ish boyfriend’s sister’s wedding, who I’d met a few times, and wore a chocolate-brown cocktail dress with an asymmetrical hem.”
“Thought it was a safe choice.”
“Bridesmaids come walking down the aisle…wearing chocolate brown cocktail length dresses in a different fabric.”
“I died. Fall through the floor moment.”
“I was horrified people might think I was trying to be part of the wedding party without being asked. I hadn’t been to many weddings and didn’t know to even think about it.”
“Lesson: ALWAYS ask casually what the wedding colors are and avoid them like the plague.” ~
“My husband was best man in a wedding recently.”
“I asked him ahead of time what color the bridesmaids were wearing so I wouldn’t match.”
“He apparently asked and was told it didn’t matter, and all colors were good.”
“I showed up wearing a dress almost the exact same color as the bridesmaids, and my dress was fairly similar to some of theirs (since it was a laid-back country wedding).”
“It didn’t end up being an issue at all, but I felt so awkward about it.” ~ sictransitlinds
Others saw this as a much more basic issue.
“Doesn’t even matter what she was wearing, IMO.”
“The bride asked her to leave and she ‘stood her ground.'”
“You don’t ‘stand your ground’ at another woman’s wedding. The bride asks you to leave?”
“YTA” ~ jackidaylene
“Even if she was out of line (and it doesn’t sound like she was), if you are asked to leave, then leave. Why would you want to stay at that point unless you are a petty a-hole?”
“YTA.” ~ polkadotbot
“OP says she ‘likes’ Stephanie, but I’m calling BS.”
“If a woman I only tolerated neutrally was distressed by my presence at her wedding, I would apologize and take myself to a restaurant and movie instead.”
“I cannot fathom the petty vindictiveness that would make me STAY where I wasn’t wanted.” ~ jackidaylene
Though, not everyone was against OP.
“Am I honestly the only one thinking NTA?”
“She was invited, bride was being a total bridezilla!! Just go enjoy your day with your new husband!!”
“You got your man, who cares if she’s wearing a pretty dress?? Sorry, she needs to let it go and move on.”
“Can’t stand overly emotional bridezillas!” ~ Senior_Cranberry4622
“Ultimately, you were a bit of an A-hole but so was the bride.”
“Only wearing white is off limits son the bride should have calmed down and brushed it off. You may have looked gorgeous and red will certainly catch eyes.”
“Few people attend weddings in gowns, that is not usual, but you had been invited, and it’s ridiculous for the bride to say you should have ignored the invitation.”
“The bride got her man so whether or not you are more attractive, that is what should have mattered to her, ~ Upbeat_Vehicle7082
Though this post sums up the consensus well.
“‘Stephanie asked me to leave, and I stood my ground.'”
“You have no ground to stand upon.”
“One of the people who invited you is asking you to leave on THEIR wedding day.”
“You’re simply a guest.”
“Don’t mistake this for more. If you were upset by this, then you should’ve gone back home.”
“Then after a few days, talked to your ex about it and that it made you upset.”
“‘Since I took the 2-hour drive I would be staying for the entire duration”‘
“But you decided to be an AH.”
“‘She went on to complain about my dress upstaging hers'”
“I personally don’t like it when people start this ‘your dress is upstaging mine in my wedding’ thing unless they’ve given a specific instruction to guests.”
“But maybe she didn’t give you this instruction because she thought you wouldn’t come.”
“Yes she’s wrong in assuming that you want your ex back but this”
“‘She said it was rude for me not to leave after the bride requested it because it was her special day. I told her that I am not responsible for her insecurities and once again reminded her that I have no interest in ‘stealing’ my ex back.'”
“In short YTA.” ~ To_enrich_my_life_17
OP did return with a final thought.
“The dress is posted on my page, and since this is a throwaway I don’t remember the random password I typed up. I will also be active on u/closureseekingex2”
The term “Malicious Compliance” comes to mind.
The idea is that following the rules too strictly can be just as damaging as not obeying them at all.
There’s no hard rule saying that a guest can’t wear a red dress, or stay even when the bride doesn’t want her there.
Weddings are about celebration, new starts, and lots of cake.
Not about closure with your ex.