No two people have the same methods of parenting.
However, the only "wrong" method of parenting is if parents neglect to keep their children safe, healthy, and happy.
Even so, when some people see the way other parents raise their children, they can't help but judge, sometimes even letting their disapproval be known.
In some rare circumstances, this disapproval might even come from the child's grandparents.
Redditor Intelligent-Mind6390 and her husband were living in her mother-in-law (MIL)'s house with their new baby.
While things got off to a smooth start, the living situation quickly began heading downhill.
Eventually resulting in the original poster (OP) setting firm boundaries with her MIL.
After being called "disrespectful" for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for setting boundaries with my MIL even though we live with her?"
The OP explained why things came to a head between her and her MIL:
"I’m 29 F[emale] and I have a 3 m[onth] old baby."
"My husband is 25 M[ale]."
"We’re currently living with my in laws while saving for a house."
"It’s temporary, but obviously stressful."
"My husband just graduated college, so he is working part time while job hunting and has interviews lined up."
"My MIL has been very involved since the baby was born."
"At first I was grateful."
"She cooked, did laundry, and held the baby so I could shower."
"But lately her 'help' comes with constant passive aggressive comments."
"If my son cries, she’ll say 'Are you sure he’s getting enough?'”
"If I mention his nap schedule, she laughs and says, 'A schedule at three months? Good luck'.”
"If I bring up the pediatrician, she responds with, 'Well, we didn’t need doctors to tell us how to raise babies.”
"She’ll also say things like 'He cries because you hold him too much' or 'Grandma will take him since Mommy needs a break' even when I didn’t ask."
"The main issue is she doesn’t respect when I say no."
"She’ll take him out of my arms or walk into the nursery even after I ask her not to."
"Last week my baby had a horrible day and I finally got him down for a nap after almost an hour of rocking."
"I told my MIL 'Please don’t go in there, he just fell asleep'.”
"Ten minutes later I heard the nursery door."
"I walked over, and she was whispering to him and rubbing his belly."
"He started stirring."
"I said, 'Please stop, he’s going to wake up.”
"She rolled her eyes and said, 'You worry too much.”
"Then she picked him up because 'he was already awake'.”
"He immediately started crying."
"I snapped (not yelling, but firm) and said, 'I need you to stop. When I say he needs to sleep, I mean it. Please don’t ignore me'.”
"She got offended and said, 'Wow. I guess I’m not allowed to do anything in my own house'.”
"Later she called my husband and said I was disrespectful and ungrateful."
"My husband actually defended me and told her that we appreciate living here, but I’m still the baby’s mom and she needs to respect boundaries."
"The next morning she posted in the family group chat: 'It’s hard being a grandma these days. You try to help and get treated like an intruder'.”
"No one responded, my BIL texted me on the side and asked, 'Are you okay? I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know how she can be'.”
"After a bit, she texted again, 'I just hope my grandson doesn’t suffer because someone needs control over everything'.”
"My husband responded, 'Mom, stop. Nobody is keeping him from you. You need to respect our routine and stop undermining her'.”
"MIL replied 'If it doesn’t apply, don’t take it personally'.”
"Now the house is tense and awkward, and I feel like the family thinks I’m a controlling, hormonal mom."
"I feel guilty because it’s her house, but I also feel like basic boundaries shouldn’t be controversial."
"I work full time from home, I am able to take care of the baby that way. We did live in an apartment before moving into the In-laws house, but they convinced us it would be better financially to be there (which is true)."
"We didn’t just up and move as soon as we found out I was pregnant."
"We moved in on 12-29-2025, and I gave birth in January."
"Found out I was pregnant in May 2025. We haven’t even been there for 4 months."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for setting boundaries with her MIL.
Everyone agreed that not only was the OP valid in putting her MIL in her place, but she and her husband needed to move out of that house ASAP:
"NTA."
"But you need to move out ASAP."
"Forget about saving for a house right now."
"Her house or not, he is YOUR BABY."
"It's also completely ridiculous to intentionally go wake up a sleeping baby especially after you tried so hard to get him down for a nap."- thechaoticstorm
"NTA, and it actually sounds like everyone knows what your MIL is like."
"You do what you need to do."
"Physically block her if she tries to wake the baby again."- Hennahands
"NTA."
"A cheap crappy apartment is still a 'house', you don't need an entire single family home if you need a place to live."
"Even a studio is fine, you can find another place in the future."- MotherToMonsters
"NTA."
"The group chat post sealed it."
"Start accelerating that house savings timeline, because this tension isn't going away under her roof."- _xTanae
"You aren’t living there for free."
"It has a cost."
"You’re saving money but spending energy."
"It’s stressful, tense, combative."
"All of that requires expenditures of energy and peace."
"So, you’re saving money but blowing through your peace."
"You may decide the balance is no longer worth it and that you would rather save your peace even if it means you spend money."
"Only you can decide where the tipping point is."
"For me, I’d live in a studio and eat ramen before I spent that much peace."
"NTA."- cb1977007
"NTA."
"But this is the relationship that you’re going to have with her for the rest of your lives together."
"She’ll play victim forever, acting like she can’t do anything without you snapping."
"Move out now."
"Find somewhere else to go."- Hopeful_Mopeful
"NTA."
"But you need to get the f*** outta that house ASAP lol."- AcephalicDude
"I think this is a pretty easy NTA, especially factoring in that the BIL - prompted by the MIL's message, not anything from the poster - offered comfort and immediately blamed MIL."- PoliVamp
"NTA."
"You gotta move asap."
"I tried setting boundaries with my mom and my DOG, and it didn’t work."
"She doesn’t even live with me, but I get the same passive-aggressive comments, saying I’m too protective, too sensitive, saying she can’t do anything right, I’m attacking everything she does."
"It will never end."
"It got a bit better after I asked her to leave when I caught her sneaking him take-out."
"She was shocked cause she never considered the actual consequences of her actions."
"Good luck."- lucky-fluke
"NTA."
"But you need to move out ASAP."
"She doesn't sound like a person you can reason with (going by your BIL comment), and if you stay any longer, it will build to a lot of resentment."- dismustbetheplace
"NTA."
"Unfortunately, it’s time to move out."
"It’s her house, and it’s going to be impossible to prevent her from doing this stupid sh*t."- JenninMiami
"NTA."
"Kudos to husband and BIL for having your back."
"Hopefully MIL takes the hint and backs down."
"Maybe then, you 2 can have a real conversation about why you parent the way you parent and how she can support that."
"Maybe point out to her how intrusive she would have found it if her MIL always contradicted her parenting style when she was raising her kids."
"Sometimes people just need a very clear example of an issue to really see how if effects people."- MehX73
"NTA for setting boundaries."
"I do have to ask, though, it sounds like she was very helpful, and now it has shifted."
"Have you tried sitting down with her at a neutral time and asking what has changed?"
"Maybe she’s ready for you guys to leave, 'ew maybe the constant stimulation of a baby around is upsetting."- jh789-2
It is at least clear that the OP's MIL truly loves her grandson.
That being said, she seems to love him on her own terms, focusing on what makes her happy rather than anyone else's.
Considering that this woman's own adult children are firmly taking the OP's side on this one, hopefully the OP's MIL will reflect on her behavior and change her ways.
Otherwise, seeing her grandson in the future might no longer be possible.
