When people become parents, some necessary changes must be made to their home.
Specifically, they need to "baby-proof" it so their child stays out of harm's way.
They might need to hide or even remove some things that are not exactly meant for children's eyes.
Things get a bit more complicated for those who remain childless, but who are otherwise surrounded by family and friends with children.
Children who frequently visit their homes.
Redditor NataliaVolkova frequently hosted their family at their home, and their brother and his family were soon to pay a visit.
However, ahead of his visit, the original poster (OP)'s brother requested that they change something about their home.
A change that the OP was completely unwilling to make.
Wondering if they were wrong for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to take down a semi-nude painting before children visit my home?"
The OP explained why they were unwilling to oblige their brother's request:
"Background: I commissioned a large painting of myself many years ago."
"It’s a reference to the Narcissus myth, so I am lying on my stomach, naked, looking into a pond."
"My breasts are not at all visible, since they are covered by my arms/hair/ just the nature of the pose."
"You also can’t see my butt, it’s just the hip area."
"So while it is technically 'nude', you just see arms, side, hip, legs, and feet."
"I have this hanging in my living room."
"Context: my immediate family is all very Catholic, except for me."
"Each of my siblings has 5 children, all under the age of 10."
"My brother texted me a few weeks ago to make a plan for Easter, since our sister was going to her in-laws."
"I offered to host at my house, and he accepted."
"Last night, he texted me saying our parents had mentioned I have the painting up in my living room, and he asked if I was planning to take it down when they come over."
"I said no because I had left it up when my sister had visited with her kids a few weeks ago, and no one said anything."
"He then asked if I would take it down, and I said no."
"Then he asked why not, and said 'some things aren’t appropriate for young kids to see'.”
"I don’t think it‘s inappropriate - it’s not pornographic or sexual."
"Sure, it’s technically 'nude', but many works of religious art have the same or higher level of nudity."
"I said as much to him, and he said that he doesn’t believe it’s appropriate for his kids to see, and if I won’t take it down, he’s not coming."
"I‘m thinking of just telling him, fine, don’t come, but I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable."
"So AITA if I refuse to take it down?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to remove their painting ahead of their brother's visit.
Most agreed that the OP had the right to do whatever they wanted in their own home, even if some sort of understanding where the OP's brother was coming from, and felt a compromise could be made:
"NTA with a pinch of salt."
"I don’t think you are wrong here; you get to decide how you decorate your place, but I do think you might be missing an angle in this discussion."
"It’s true that the painting isn’t salacious or overly exposing, but it is of you nude, which adds a level of familiarity that is absent from historic religious works of art."
"Perhaps that familiarity makes it a little too uncomfortable for your brother."
"Seeing his sister and letting his kids see his sister depicted as nude, even tastefully, could be reasonably uncomfortable for him to navigate."
"Again, I don’t think you’re wrong here, just wanted to share an angle that might help you understand his perspective more."- PugRexia
"NTA."
"But it is a hilarious move to commission a painting of yourself as Narcissus."
"At least you're self-aware?"- Infinite_Escape9683
"I do think it’s weird you commissioned a nude-ish painting of yourself looking at yourself and then hung it up on your living room so you can look at yourself looking at yourself."
"But you’re NTA."- ApprehensiveLab2290
"NTA."
"Take down the picture."
"Replace it with prints of classic art with full nudity."- CreatrixAnima
"Group text everyone who's possibly coming over and give them your reality on this issue."
"Let it land where it lands."
"NTA , enjoy your space."- winnerswinperiod04
"NTA."
"But very interesting choice to pay to have a painting of yourself based on the origin of narcissism in your living room."- the_elephant_stan
"The irony of having a painting of yourself in your living room based on Narcissus is just too on-the-nose, but not my pig, not my farm, and all that."
"I'm not redecorating my house over someone's weird religious sexual hang-ups."
"NTA."- DropstoneTed
"NTA."
"Your house, your rules, brother is making a big deal out of nothing."- splorby
"NTA."
"But I am highly entertained at the irony of having a painting done of yourself in that subject matter."- flatgreysky
"NTA."
"It sounds very benign, and not something that’s going to really register with kids other than 'cool'."
"IMO."
"One of my father’s colleagues covered the abstract line drawing of a nude figure* that my father had hung in the common area of a shared office (with permission.)"
"It had been up for over a year, and it wasn’t until a student commented about how much they loved it, that the other professor realized it was a 'nude' and taped newspaper over it in protest/for modesty."
"My father tried to talk to the other professor about it, but he refused to engage, and my father ultimately took it down when it became too much of a distraction having a 4’x3’ framed work covered with newspaper in their shared space."
"My father would later be the only professor that supported the head of the art department when one of his shows was cancelled for being 'inappropriate', and helped him with his court case."
"*it had been up in our house for years when I was a child, and while on some level I knew it was a nude, it was far more interesting for all the shapes created and in no way “titillating” or overt."- buck_godot
There were some who somewhat more firmly took the brother's side, feeling it wasn't so much that the OP had a nude painting in their house, but had a nude painting of themself:
"It's not inappropriate for children to see art depicting bodies."
"Americans and religious Christian Americans especially are really uptight about seeing skin."
"But it's super super weird to have a Catholic family over for Easter dinner while a giant semi-nude portrait of yourself is on the wall."
"Like, I don't think you're in the wrong, decorate your house in the way that makes you happy."
"But if I were in your shoes I'd want to put away the portrait just to avoid the exact sort of interpersonal issue you're facing now."
"Not for the kids' benefit, but for your own peace so you don't get more flak from your prudish adult family members."
"NAH."- chameleonsEverywhere
"NAH."
"It is your house, and you're not required to redecorate to suit your guests."
"But they are not your children, and it is not up to you to decide what is appropriate for them to see."
"He isn't insisting you take it down, he is informing you that his RSVP is conditional, and that's fair."
"He's not objecting to the painting in general, and it's not a comment on you in any way."
"It's about how HE wants to raise HIS kids."
"Obviously your sister DID say something to your parents, just not to you."
"And it's possible that your sister's children said something to HER."
"I think you should take a photo of the painting and send it to your brother."
"That way you have a common understanding, instead of your parents' opinion of something your sister saw."
"And then decide if either of your opinions is worth dividing the family over."- 1962Michael
"I'm going a bit against the grain and saying NAH for this situation."
"It's your house, you should be allowed to decorate how you want."
"And the piece doesn't sound pornographic."
"However, I don't think this is about the kids so much as it is your brother just not wanting to be forced to picture you in the nude."
"Which I also think is valid."- KlickWitch
While a few others felt the OP was a little on the obstinate side:
"YTA because this is such a petty hill to die on. Is it really that difficult to take a painting down from the wall for one day, if your brother asked?"
"Is that painting being on the wall for a day more important than your brother's request?"
"Would your family not seeing that semi-nude painting of yourself be such a big issue?"- TisBeTheFuk
Upon reading the responses from the Reddit community, the OP later returned with an update on how they planned on proceeding:
"I really was not expecting this much engagement."
"I appreciate the various perspectives offered here, and while many of you said 'your home, your rules', I have offered to cover the painting while they are visiting."
Should the OP's brother ever be taken to a museum or gallery, they will undoubtedly one day see a painting of someone in the nude.
Should the OP's nephew need to grow up with an image of them in the nude, however, is a fair question.
Leading the OP to what everyone will hopefully consider a fair compromise.
