Art is subjective. What one person might consider a work of exquisite beauty, others might consider a piece of total garbage.
It can be pretty surprising to discover that those near and dear to you might not share your opinion of a specific work of art.
Even more awkward, however, is when you don't particularly like a piece of art created by someone close to you.
Redditor paintypaint23's girlfriend felt that he needed to brighten up his home a bit more, so she gave him one of her paintings, which she took great pride in.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP) was not particularly fond of this painting and was even embarrassed to display it in his home.
Feeling honesty was the best policy, he made it no secret to his girlfriend why he chose not to hang up her painting.
His honest opinion, however, was anything but appreciated by her.
Concerned about how he handled things, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to hang up the artwork my girlfriend got me for my birthday?"
The OP explained why he couldn't bring himself to display his girlfriend's painting in his home:
"My (26 M[ale]) birthday was a few weeks ago."
"My girlfriend, 24, and her friend are into things that I find a little outlandish and weird."
"I love her and her uniqueness, and I appreciate what she does, but I do think some of their habits and interests are unusual."
"We do not live together."
"She's made comments about how I need more artwork, and I agreed."
"She got me artwork."
"A homemade piece of artwork that she was given the idea through TikTok or something."
"Her best friend also did the same thing for her boyfriend."
"The best I can describe it is like she made a print of her a** and legs/thighs on a canvas."
"It's like she sat in paint and then sat on the canvas."
"Or something like that."
"Honestly, It must have turned out really well because you can clearly tell it's an a** and legs."
"The problem just arose recently because she came over and found the painting in my closet."
"She asked why it's not up, and I tried to dance around it."
"I did tell her (the truth) that my parents stop by sometimes, and I didn't want them to see it."
"She started telling me that the picture is 'beautiful' and I should want to 'embrace her' and some more lines about how I should 'embrace our intimacy'."
'I told her that, honestly, I find it off-putting. I think it is weird and borderline creepy."
"I told her I am very uncomfortable hanging up something like that, and if she checked with me first, I would have told her."
"She asked if I truly wasn't going to hang it up."
"I told her no, I will never consider putting that on my walls, but I appreciate the thought."
"She started crying, said I'm an ungrateful ahole, and she took the painting and said she will hang it up at her place."
"She said her friend's boyfriend loves the one he got, so she can't get why I'm being such a jerk about this."
'I don't think I'm a jerk for not wanting an, albeit artistic, nude of my girlfriend on my walls."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole\
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to display his girlfriend's nude portrait.
Everyone agreed that regardless of the content of the painting, the OP had the final choice of what he did and didn't display in his own home, and his discomfort with displaying this particular painting was more than valid:
"NTA."
"That's the kind of gift you only get someone if they're 100% into nude artwork and are comfortable with displays of sexual intimacy."
"Plus the length of your relationship comes into play here: I wouldn't want the a** of my gf of 6 months on the wall, but gf of 2 years could be a different story."- allkindsoftired
"NTA."
"I think you handled it well."
"Maybe ask if her she could paint something else that plays into her creativity and still meets your boundaries?"- Abject_Inside7644
"NTA artwork in one's home is very personal, and you shouldn't have to display something you don't like - especially when said artwork is just her sitting in paint."
"I've seen that trend. Personally, I think it's tacky and stupid, but to each their own."
"And your opinion is no."
"Go to a local art fair or Etsy or something and find some pieces YOU like."- Jerseygirl2468
NTA. I wouldn't want my partner of over a decade's body art on any of my walls either. But that art isn't to my tastes, nor would I want my body displayed for randos and strangers to view in someone else's home. It might just be that you have very different tastes in artwork and are incompatible in how sexually explicit you're willing to have your home decor.
"The comments about it being creepy would be worse if she hadn't kept pushing on the issue."
"If you were polite about it until backed into a corner, it's somewhat understandable."
"I assume your gf was expecting her sexual vulnerability to be met with a similar appreciation her friend got, and she's reacting badly because society doesn't condition women well for the idea that they may be sexually rejected in any way."
"I hadn't heard of this on TikTok, but my friend has mentioned a similar thing happening on reality shows she watches where they had couples make these paintings together (I don't watch those but I think it was the Bachelor/Bachlorette?)."
"The concept has always seemed extremely awkward to me unless you have a really specific art taste."
"It seems weird to explicitly display yourself, even in paint form, for whatever guests you have over."
"And that seems like a really weird thing to decorate around."
"This also is a terrible gift."
"She wanted you to have more artwork."
"She wanted you to respond to her in an appreciative way."
"It's in the same vein as 'gifting' wearing lingerie and has a lot of the same issues as that concept does."
"I think responses would be very different if a guy made a clone-a-willy into the base of a table lamp and his girlfriend didn't want that on her bedside table or in a small apartment where guests see most of the space."- notthedefaultname
"She's weird."
"NTA If there was a place in your house that guests typically don't go (master bathroom? Bedroom?) maybe that would be a good spot to hang it up?"
"But honestly I think it's weird that she's upset you won't hang it up when your parents and any visitors could see it and by the sounds of it, easily tell it's an a**."
"Anyone can do what they want with their home decor, but I wouldn't want people to be subjected to that or explain what it is haha."- CrazyCranberry3333
"NTA."
"Most people do not want intimate or sexual art displayed in their homes, period."
"It's a very specific person who is okay with that."
"I have friends bringing kids to my house."
"One day I might display fine life drawing art which are usually nudes, but there's a big difference between that and a literal A** PRINT."
"Assuming it would be fine and then shaming you for not wanting to display it is not cool on your gf's part."
"I understand being upset a gift is not received well, especially a homemade one, but she's taking it out on you instead of dealing with the feelings herself."- earthenlily
"NTA."
"Your girlfriend has equated you not liking the painting with you not liking her when that's not the case."
"Surely she knew this kind of art wouldn't be to your taste, but went ahead anyway."- RoyallyOakie
"NTA."
"It's totally reasonable to have boundaries about what kind of art you're comfortable displaying, especially with family around."
"You appreciate her effort, but everyone has different tastes when it comes to personal or intimate decor."
"It's more about mismatched expectations than ungratefulness."- Moist_Programmer_560
"NTA."
"Of course, you're NTA for not wanting to put pornography art on your walls."
"Your gf sounds very immature."
"No I don't want your butthole on my walls for my parents to see, wtf."- buttpickles99
It was generous of the OP's girlfriend to provide him with a work of art for his walls.
However, maybe she could have asked him about what sorts of things he might like displaying.
And if she really did have some concerns about their "intimacy," as the OP mentioned, the best place to do that would probably be with a therapist, not with one of her own paintings.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.