A woman who had an “amazing” relationship except when it comes to their sexual intimacy turned to the Relationship Advice subReddit for help after her attempt to improve things led to hurt feelings and the silent treatment.
While they both enjoy a vigorous sex life, her boyfriend kept missing the mark when it came to foreplay. So she decided to point him in the right direction, but her partner did not take her guidance well.
Redditor throwra_awaay posted:
“My boyfriend of 1 year got angry and is giving me the silent treatment because I showed him where my clit was.”
“As the title says my boyfriend and I have been together for a year. During this year things have been amazing.”
“He is kind, considerate, respects my career and we have good sexual chemistry. By this I mean that we have matching libidos (higher during the start of our relationship and slightly less now. About 4-5 times a week we have sex).”
“This should be good right? But it isn’t.”
“The problem is that I like a lot of foreplay and it involves him touching me down there however he seems to always miss where I like it. He will rub where my leg joins my body like the inner thigh area and I know this isn’t as a tease because he really rubs like he’s sanding down some wood and has asked me if I like it.”
“I usually pretend to moan at this. He has done this for as long as I’ve known him.”
“In the past I have had problems with telling my partners what I like and I have never actually reached climax through this kind of foreplay because I haven’t spoken up. All of my previous partners have been quite inexperienced.”
“I was nervous about doing it but I was really confused why he was doing this so I [spoke up] because I see a future with him and want to have good foreplay as well as good sex.”
The Original Poster (OP) took a risk and decided to finally share he sexual needs with her partner.
“I don’t think I ruined the moment.”
“I moved his hand with my hand and showed him where and how to do it. It was obviously a long way from where he was doing it before and he got mad and acted insulted.”
The OP’s boyfriend did not take her request well.
“He said that I was insulting his skills and that it had always worked before so I just have cheated to learn this from a new man. After he went through my phone he decided that I could be trusted again and calmed down.”
“I explained my feelings about speaking up in what I liked but he got angry again and smashed a glass we had by the bed. He said he felt humiliated and insecure and he didn’t know if he could ever touch me again without fearing criticism.”
“I tried to say that it wasn’t criticism but I guess that is sort of a lie so I didn’t say much more than that. He totally ignored me for the next 2 days and he slept in the spare room each night.”
Once he was speaking to OP again, he didn’t want to address the elephant in the room.
“This morning he tried to talk to me about a family event that has new plans around it and I asked if we could put that on hold to talk about what happened. He continued to talk about the event that wasn’t urgent at all by the way.”
“He went to work in his office and has been there all day except for when he did the dishes and some garden work.”
The OP wanted Reddit’s advice on how to approach her sensitive significant other.
“I don’t know how to bring it up without him feeling attacked.”
“How do I do this? We didn’t talk all day again and I find it hard to sleep by myself.”
“I miss my boyfriend and I am scared he will get angry or leave. I want to talk about his reaction as well as how to improve foreplay.”
Redditors were less concerned about saving the relationship than they were over the boyfriend’s reaction.
“He got mad and broke a glass because, at 26, he didn’t know where the [clitoris] was…”
“Girl, I’m sorry to say, but he needs to talk to a professional. That is not the way to react to something like that.” ~ ireallycantrn
“Bro he should be thanking her. His ego is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too fragile…”
“…f’king silent treatment, really? I understand needing time to relax, but after this incident, really dude?” ~ kobomk
“Not just that, but the GLARING issue of: not everybody likes to be touched the same way. Her teaching him how she likes to be touched isn’t a criticism.”
“One of my ex’s like to be choked. I didn’t decide that ‘this is how you have sex’ and get mad at my next partner, who didn’t like it.”
“Watch a f’king porn or google it for gods sake.” ~ ErisInChains
“Not to mention, because she showed him where she liked to be touched she ‘must have cheated,’ like what?”
“It’s our bodies we know what and where we like to be touched. 🤦🏻♀️“ ~ thealexavega
Redditors were astounded by his lack of knowledge of sexual anatomy.
“Imagine thinking that another man had to show a woman where her own [clitoris] was tho.” ~ Fenniie
“I’m baffled. How does a grown straight man not know where the [clitoris] is? I’m gay, and I know where it is.”
“First of all, the [clitoris] is analogous to the penis, and is similarly positioned at the top of all the genital bits.”
“Second, I care about my partner’s pleasure, and there’s always a chance that a man I date could be a trans man who hasn’t had bottom surgery. Should that be the case, I would want at least a general idea of how to give pleasure beforehand (obviously asking for confirmation/advice during the performance).”
“How could someone care so little about bringing someone they love pleasure that they wouldn’t (a) research and (b) take constructive criticism?” ~ DavidMadly
While the Op didn’t get much advice about what she could do differently, there was plenty available for her boyfriend. Now if he’d only take it.