Weddings are beautiful.
And it takes a lot of people and effort to pull it all together.
Sometimes colors and plans get changed or upgraded.
That can leave some people feeling… upstaged.
Case in point…
Redditor weddingcenterpiece wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my friend she was undermining my work by having extravagant centerpieces for the bridal table at her wedding, compared to guest tables (which I made centerpieces for?)”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 26) can make really nice floral arrangements.”
“It’s not really a business, but I have made centerpieces and arrangements for my family and friends and their events.”
“Last year, let’s call her Sadie (F 23) contacted me, saying she likes my work and if I could make some centerpieces for the guest tables at her wedding.”
“Sadie is my close friend’s cousin, and while I’ve seen her around and occasionally talk to her, we’re not close friends or anything.”
“I said sure, and we worked out what she wanted (also I asked if she wanted something for the bridal table, but she said that was already covered).”
“She invited me to the wedding as well.”
“So the wedding was last week, I was really happy with how all the centerpieces turned out and thought they looked great.”
“The bridal table, however, had these really extravagant centerpieces that were stunning, and I obviously didn’t make them, so I asked Sadie who did.”
“She said she made those ones herself, but she wouldn’t have time to make all the centerpieces for the tables, so she asked me.”
“I’ll be honest that I felt kind of betrayed because her centerpieces were much nicer than mine and people would ask about those, not the ones on the guest tables.”
“I didn’t say anything but later messaged her (politely, I didn’t go off) that I felt she was undermining my effort by having such showy centerpieces.”
“Sadie said she wasn’t trying to undermine anything and this is what they thought went with the decor.”
“I said she should’ve been upfront about the bridal table, or had the same centerpieces as the guest tables.”
“She started getting pissed, said there’s nothing to be upfront about, and I’m ‘overstepping.'”
“I’m just kind of pissed she was trying to overshadow my work, but she was annoyed at me for texting that.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. Looks like you were clear you were doing the guest tables.”
“That means you knew the bridal table wasn’t your gig.”
“You’re *itching about being upstaged at a wedding. By. The. Bride.” ~ Steelguitarlane
“Plus, it’s normal for the bridal bouquet or bridal table decorations to be more ornate than the others.”
“YTA, because the more I think about it I can’t believe the audacity for you to consider the bride’s wanting to make herself an ornate decoration for her own table to somehow be about upstaging YOU!” ~ ValkyrieSword
“That’s what I was thinking.”
“Next, once her emotions about the flower arrangements subside, she’ll remember that Sadie was wearing a gorgeous floor-length white gown, while she was told that the dress code was cocktail and not to wear white and she’ll feel like Sadie undermined her periwinkle blue cocktail dress with her bridal gown and get upset over that.” ~ mazzy31
“I guess that she was excited and then felt like ‘Oh, my centerpieces are a bit sh*t in comparison,’ but instead of lashing out ON THE BRIDE, who made her own centerpieces.”
“She could just have said ‘Wow, those centerpieces are stunning!'”
“And made a mental note or take pictures to learn from those and up her game for next time.”
“Instead of a learning experience, she will get bad publicity for how she handled the situation. YTA.” ~ Individual-Ad-4620
“She also lost any chance for a referral.”
“The next bride in the group would ask about the centerpieces, and the bride would probably have given a good reference, but not now. OP, YTA.” ~ Ok-Finger-733
“OP is definitely YTA.”
“But I’ve noticed and enjoyed the centerpieces at every wedding I’ve been to… if you enjoy design/decor, you’re probably going to notice them!”
“I even have elements from a couple of them in my home decor, since guests are often allowed to take them home.” ~ endlesstrains
“Even if you don’t pay attention to decor, the decor you DO notice is going to be the one directly in front of you.”
“Are the flowers at the bride’s table fancier than the guests?”
“Sure, that’s how weddings work.”
“But most of the guests aren’t going to look at them more than once or twice, probably from a distance.”
“Meanwhile they’ll be sitting at a guest table for probably an hour and a half making small talk with the guest centerpiece right in front of them.”
“OP got plenty of exposure for their ‘not really a business,’ they just immediately poisoned that well with their entitled and unprofessional behavior.” ~ biwitchingbee
“Right? I barely remember the decor at my brother’s wedding from six months ago.”
“I remember some cute little table favors, and I remember thinking the bride had lovely taste in decor.”
“Didn’t even occur to me to wonder who made the centerpieces.”
“OP, if the only reason you do this ‘favor’ for friends and family, is to be noticed and complimented on your work, that’s super shi**y of you.”
“Someone else’s wedding is NOT the place to be seeking attention for yourself. YTA.” ~ sirenwitchy
“That’s what I was gonna say!”
“’Her centerpieces were much nicer than mine, and people would ask about those and not the ones on the guest tables.’”
“Like, babe, if you’re at a wedding and the #1 takeaway is what the centerpieces looked like, that would’ve been a terrible wedding.”
“Of all the weddings I’ve ever been to, I can’t remember having a single thought about the centerpieces beyond ‘aw, this is pretty/cute/came out nicely’ and have never thought about one since.”
“Plus, the bride and groom’s tables are supposed to outshine everyone else’s!”
“That’s the whole point of the wedding!”
“OP, this level of self-importance at a cousin-of-a-friend’s wedding is so delusional.”
“I’m in awe. YTA.” ~ GooseDactyl
“YTA. The a**hole and frankly a little unhinged.”
“You’re upset you were upstaged by… the bride… the bride you hardly know… at her own wedding?”
“She asked you to do something, and when she said the bridal table was covered, it was pretty clear that meant she was going to have nicer centerpieces already for the bridal table.”
“The fact you were even upset by it shows an incredible lack of maturity.”
“Edit to add: I hope someone can work in a pun about you being self-centered about the centerpieces.”
“I couldn’t think of how to properly make it work.” ~ Zaplingfire
“This may come as a surprise, but her wedding isn’t an advertising opportunity for you.”
“No one’s going to ask about the floral arrangements, and even if they did, she’s not obligated to promote you.”
“It’s out of line to get mad that the bride upstaged the floral arrangements at her own wedding. YTA.” ~ CornPantz
“And if they did ask, and if they mistakenly thought the bride’s centerpieces were OP’s too, that actually looks good on the OP because they look good.”
“If OP had a business and the bride added crappy decor, there’s an argument that it makes OP’s business look bad, and in fact, some businesses won’t allow you to add to what they’ve done for that reason.”
“But OP doesn’t have a business, and the centerpieces don’t make her look bad.” ~ greeneyedwench
“I’m kinda baffled you are surprised the bridal table’s centerpieces were more extravagant than the ones for guest tables.”
“It would be more surprising if the reverse was true.”
“I’m guessing you imagined a ton of compliments and didn’t. Why?”
“Guests were more focused on the actual event than centerpieces. YTA big time.” ~ Beneficial-Sale7510
“YTA what did you think ‘already covered’ meant?”
“Instead of getting her to recommend you to her guests you’ve ensured she will no longer even avail of your service for future events.”
“Did you not realize the only way guests would’ve known about your business is if she recommended you to them?”
“You’ve effectively burned that bridge with your comments.” ~ InternationalAd6614
“YTA- You were asked to make centerpieces for the guest tables only.”
“Bridal tables usually are a bit more extravagant. Did you expect it to be bare or something?”
“You are overstepping your role here.”
“What you were supposed to do was clearly laid out.”
“You weren’t deceived.”
“You were hired to do a job, and you did it.” ~ monsooncherie
“Sorry but YTA.”
“You asked her if she needed centerpieces for the bridal table and she replied that she had it covered.”
“What did you think that meant?”
“That the bridal table was going to have no centerpieces at all?”
“Or maybe a small bouquet from the flower shop around the corner?”
“Of course, she had the most beautiful centerpieces for the bridal table.”
“It’s the bridal table.”
“The idea that everything that goes there is prettier, grander, and generally better than everywhere else, is a given.”
“She asked you to make centerpieces for the guest tables.”
“You did. They’re beautiful.”
“Let them be beautiful in their own right.”
“I’m sure the guests are delighted with them, and those who are into flower arranging will definitely ask who did the flowers.”
“If you apologize to Sadie, she might even tell them it was you.” ~ cottondragons
Well OP, sounds like Reddit is not thrilled with your situation.
It may be time to take a step back and assess the situation in a kinder tone.
It doesn’t seem like anyone was trying to hurt anyone’s feelings intentionally.
Good luck going forward.