Bride Upsets Fiancé By Refusing To Accept His Mother's $25k Wedding Check Since It Comes With Strings Attached

It's usually a delightful surprise when someone gives us a present.

And while we should always be grateful that someone thought of us that way, sometimes gifts and presents can be something of a mixed blessing.

Who hasn't been gifted something that they would never use, wear, or ever put on display in their home?

Then there are those who give people something they might have always wanted, or are grateful to have, until they realize the unexpected price of earning this gift.

Redditor Defiant-Function8397 was soon to be married, and as her wedding date grew closer, her relationship with her soon-to-be mother-in-law (MIL) grew more and more difficult.

Eventually, the original poster (OP)'s MIL gifted her and her fiancé something she felt would help them immensely when it came to planning their wedding.

While the OP's fiancé was delighted, the OP was more than a little suspicious, urging her fiancé not to accept this particular present.

Wondering if she was wrong for feeling this way, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).

The OP asked fellow Redditors:

"AITAH for refusing a wedding "gift" knowing there will be strings attached?"

The OP explained why she had trouble accepting her MIL's gift ahead of her wedding:

"My fiance (32 M[ale]) and I (31 F[emale]) got engaged on Christmas Eve."

"Until recently I had a great relationship with his family, his mom especially."

"But ever since the engagement, it's become really strained because she keeps trying to insert herself into our decisions and offering unsolicited advice and I'm slowly getting at my wit's end."

"A few things that have annoyed me:"

"We want a max of around 50 people."

"My fiancé and I are both introverts and even the thought of being in front of that many people gives me anxiety."

"With our close family, friends, and their +1s, we're probably already over 50."

"His mother insists the wedding must be a grand event with at least 150 guests."

"Hell no."

"I found a gown in a magazine I love and that's going to be my inspiration."

"It's more on the simple side, but that's my style."

"I showed my best friend, my mom, and my future MIL (because I did want her to feel included) and she insisted it was too plain and everyone will think I'm just another guest."

"At my wedding."

"Being the only one in white."

'The venue we're thinking about is too small and boring."

"The on-site catering is not special enough and because my fiancé is an only child, this needs to be a grand affair."

"We need to get a guest list to her so she can review and approve who's coming."

"No, this is our wedding, not yours."

"Thankfully, my fiancé is on my side and about 6 weeks ago called her and said we know what kind of wedding we want to have and she needs to stop overstepping and questioning our choices."

"In an attempt to punish him and assert her authority she went radio silent until last week."

"She invited us to dinner on Sunday and presented us with a check for $25,000 to help with the wedding."

'When we got home I told my fiancé we are NOT cashing the check."

"He thinks I'm being ridiculous and this can help us have the wedding we want with almost no out of pocket costs."

"I told him we won't have the wedding we want because she's going to use the money as leverage to push the event in the direction she wants."

"When she insists on including her friends we don't know and don't care about she's going to say, 'Oh, I thought the money would help cover them'."

"When go dress shopping it'll be, 'That's a bit simple, I thought with the extra money you'd get something nicer'."

"When we finally choose our venue it'll be, 'So what exactly is my money paying for?'"

"My fiancé said it will cause a huge rift if we don't accept the money because his mother is extending an olive branch and being generous, but I tried telling him it'll cause a bigger rift if she gets it in her mind she has a say in our choices because she's 'paying for it' and I shut her down very time."

"I feel like I'm being positioned as a bridezilla.'

"My fiancé thinks I'm overreacting and it's the tension of the last few months exposing itself."

"Even my mother said I she just accept the gift."

"So, AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Everyone tended to agree that the OP's MIL was likely using the money to exert control over her wedding, even if some felt it was worth the OP asking her MIL directly if there were conditions to the check, and other suggesting she should take the check, and just not spend it on the wedding:

"NTA."

"I’d take the money and put it in a separate account to earn interest (or just consider $25k your zero balance) and continue excluding her from decisions as you’ve been doing."

"If she EVER demands her money back, just send it right back and tell her it looks very poorly on her to use a gift as leverage."

"This makes the scenario a win-win."

"You’re still financing the wedding yourselves."

"You can use the wedding money for whatever you want assuming she accepts being excluded, and if she doesn’t, you make a little bit of interest and don’t actually find yourself in a hole."- Positronomy

'You could just ask whether there any conditions attached."

"Make sure that you are both present when you ask her."- ProfessionalYam3119

"NTA."

"Put the money in a high yield savings don’t spend any of it."

"If she starts using it against you send it straight back and hope it was long enough to give you some decent interest to put towards your honeymoon."- Clean_Permit_3791

"NTA, but if you want to give her the benefit of the doubt."

"Keep the check and see whether or not she tries to insert herself into your wedding plans."

"Once she does, be prepared to return the check."- kipsterdude

"You need to look at this differently, this is a huge ‘I told you so’ moment, because as soon as she uses the money against you, you’ve won."

"Let her show her true intentions."

"Continue to plan your wedding exactly how you want, see what ‘input’ she sends your way and act accordingly."

"If she does have good intentions, least you will be pleasantly surprised and hopefully have no further issues."

"Honestly a win-win in my eyes."- Lucifersdaddyyy

"I get the feeling from her comment about you looking like just another guest in your 'plain' dress (even though you’ll be the only one wearing white), that you should be prepared to NOT be the only one wearing white."

"MIL is going to show up looking like she’s there to marry her baby boy!"

"Gross."

"Your husband sounded like he was not going to be a mama’s boy at first, but alas, he caved."

"And you are completely right."

"Keeping that money gives her too much leverage."

"He’s going to keep caving bc 'after all, she is paying for it!'”

"I like another commenter’s idea that you should deposit the money and leave it untouched."

"Then when she shows the real reason she gave it to you (attempt at control), hand it right back."

"It’s not worth it."- TA122278

"Tell her you appreciate the gift and would prefer to use it for a down payment on a house."

"Or take the money and still tell her no."

"When she says the extra money should have covered these guests or whatever, say it didn't."

"Your fiancé is crazy to think this won't come with strings and if he accepts it, the rift will be between him and you."- z-eldapin

"NTA."

"But here is how you can get through to your fiancé."

"Accept the money, deposit the check into a savings account opened JUST for that purpose and do not touch it."

"And then every single time she does what you already know she is going to do, look your fiancé in the eye and WINK."

"Let him know this is the plan (never start a marriage with subterfuge or secrets) and tell him, 'This is no harm, no foul. If things play out the way you say they will, great, we have recouped our losses and I will be the fool. If they play out the way I say they will, we give her back the money on the 3rd time she inserts herself where she is not wanted'."- JustMe518

"As the saying goes, "it's the thought that counts".

And it's hard not to agree with the OP that her MIL was thinking if she contributed such a hefty sum to her wedding, she might end up getting her way.

Making one think the OP using any of this money towards her wedding is probably a wise idea.