When we start dating someone new, we always hope that our closest loved ones will approve of them.
But one woman did the exact opposite of support or welcome the new boyfriend, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
On the contrary, Redditor notreallyadoubledate was repeatedly criticized for who she was dating.
But after confronting her friend about it, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she overreacted.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my friend I don’t want to be her bridesmaid anymore?”
The OP recently decided to distance herself from an old friendship.
“My friend, ‘Mary,’ and I have known each other since we were children.”
“We’ve grown apart over the past few years, but she still considers me important enough to make me a bridesmaid. Her wedding is set to be in 3 weeks.”
“One reason why I sort of distanced myself from her was because of her treatment of my relationship.”
“My boyfriend, ‘Jack,’ and I have been together for 3 and ½ years.”
Mary criticized the OP’s relationship with Jack from the very beginning.
“He’s a wonderful person, and there is no doubt in my mind that this is the man I want to marry, but Mary is under the impression that Jack is ‘too good for me.'”
“Jack comes from a very wealthy background. His parents are certainly very wealthy; he was practically guaranteed a lavish life from the moment that he left the womb.”
“This is in stark contrast to my childhood; I grew up in a low-income neighborhood, often wondering where my next meal was, or how I was gonna help pay the bills at a young age, etc.”
“I’m grateful and proud for where I am today.”
“Jack is considered to be ‘conventionally attractive,’ always looking like he should be on some magazine or billboard somewhere.”
“Jack’s good looks and background have led Mary to believe that ‘Jack deserves better than me,’ as, according to her, ‘There’s no way I could have pulled someone so attractive and rich.'”
“It’s pretty disheartening to hear those things constantly and it does kind of take a toll on you (and the friendship.)”
“Whenever Jack is around, she’s quite polite and respectful, never once making those comments.”
“Eventually, the comments stopped.”
Then Mary invited the OP out to dinner with her fiancé.
“Mary invited me for lunch with her fiancé and his friend, ‘Gary.'”
“From the moment I arrived, Mary and her fiancé were consumed in their own conversation, paying no attention to the both of us.”
“It was fine, as Gary seemed to be a great lad with great chat.”
“He asked me why I was single, and I told him that I was in a happy committed relationship.”
“He was very taken aback by my answer.”
“He told me that Mary had set up a blind, double-date of sorts for the both of us.”
“I was very confused (and slightly angry), but I didn’t want to be confrontational at lunch (especially in public), so I just carried on with the lunch.”
“Luckily, Gary wasn’t upset and ended up making a few jokes about the whole ordeal.”
“(And Jack also knows about the “date” now. I wouldn’t keep that from him.)”
When the OP confronted Mary about it, she attempted to double-down.
“I called Mary later on in the day and asked her a ton of questions about why she thought it was okay to do that.”
“At first, she tried to deny it, but then she tried to justify it by saying that ‘Gary is a man who’s more in my league,’ and since he was also a groomsman, ‘We needed to ‘get to know each other’ better.'”
“I was shocked by her bluntness, so I just told her that I didn’t want to be her bridesmaid anymore.”
“Granted, it was a pretty impulsive decision, but I still stand by it.”
“Mary didn’t take it well. She tried to apologize and say that it was a mistake.”
“It’s been a few days and her fiancé has been texting me, asking me to suck it up for the wedding.”
“I feel petty and conflicted right now.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP should have left the friendship a long time ago.
“You are so absolutely NTA and you should have dumped this ‘friend’ the minute she told you Jack was too good for you. Don’t let her change your mind.” – awickfield
“It doesn’t sound like she thinks very highly of OP. Why on earth would you want to be friends with someone who thinks you’re the equivalent of trailer trash? That’s not how friends are supposed to treat each other.”
“Time to dump this ‘friend’ and find one who thinks you’re too good for your boyfriend, not the other way around!” – norskljon
“NTA OP, maybe it’s time to tell her you might be way out of her league, since you don’t value people for their looks, money, and status, but for who they are as a person.” – Morrigan-71
Others thought Mary was jealous of the OP’s relationship.
“NTA. She sounds kind of jealous tbh (to be honest). But this conniving behavior is insane. Be sure to block anymore flying monkeys coming your way about, ‘just suck it up for the wedding.'” – SaWheatGrass
“This girl is not your friend. She’s jealous your partner is good-looking and well off.”
“I would not only not be her bridesmaid but I also wouldn’t attend the wedding.”
“She has no respect for your relationship. I would simply tell her fiancée that you stand by your decision and he should be questioning whether or not he wants to marry someone that acts that way.” – Adviceisonthehouse
“She’s one of those people whose circle of friends exist solely for the purpose of making her ‘shine the brightest.’ Her perception of ‘being outdone’ ruins her delusions of superiority and grandeur.”
“OP’s role in her life is the poor, ugly friend from a lower class, and what a very good and gracious person she is for including poor OP in her inner circle, right? How sweet and magnanimous of her.”
“How dare OP not only not stay in her assigned lane! How dare she not know her place and fraternize above her station? This is as bad a social faux pas as though OP showed up to her wedding in a white dress.”
“NTA, OP. You are worthy and deserving of better friends than this.” – TaxiGirl918
The subReddit was quick to agree on this one: whether Mary was jealous of the OP’s relationship or wanting that relationship with Jack for herself, it was time for that friendship to end, let alone any role in that wedding.