We all have beliefs that we live by, from morals to religious practices.
While that's totally fine, those beliefs are for us to practice, not for us to push onto other people, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor LetterheadRight6890 was seventeen and on the verge of moving out of his dad's house, and his dad pushed his Christian beliefs on his two sons every single day with crosses and Biblical scriptures displayed and hidden all over the house.
When his dad wrote such big quotes on the mirror that he used to check his appearance before leaving the house, making it difficult for him to use it, the Original Poster (OP) decided to clean the scripture off of the mirror, immediately infuriating his dad.
He asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for wiping my dad's scripture off the mirror?"
The OP's father filled their home with Bible scripture and other Christian references.
"For some context, my dad is very religious. He always has been. I grew up Christian, but like many who grew up in the church, I left the faith in my tween years."
"I’m 17 now, about to leave home, and his religion takes over not only his life but our house."
"There are scriptures everywhere. He hides little scripture notes under my bed or in my closet. Something I don’t care about, but really freaked my brother (who also left the faith at a young age) out. He also has little Jesus figures that he placed atop every doorway."
"I know that it’s his house, I don’t care that he’s religious. My mentality will always be that people can do whatever they want as long as it’s not hurting themselves or others."
The feature in the home that annoyed the OP was the hallway mirror he used on his way out of the house.
"The part that irks me is the new thing he’s been doing to the hallway mirror."
"My brother and I use this mirror daily. We fight and push each other out of the way before school. It’s the only full-length mirror in the house (besides the one my dad keeps in his room)."
"About a week ago, he started marking on this mirror. No biggie, but it was obnoxiously big writing. I often take pictures in this mirror, and I do use it every day."
"The writing obviously obscures the view and, to be frank, is tacky in pictures."
The OP removed the writing before a job interview.
"I had a job interview the other day, and I figured I’d just wipe the writing off with a wet rag so I could really take in how I looked. I wanted to make a good impression."
"And maybe I am the a**hole for not asking first, but he has two mirrors in his own room that he has writing on. And even on those, the writing isn’t this big."
The repercussions were immediate.
"Long story short, I got back home and saw him standing in front of the mirror. He looked back at me and asked if I was the one who wiped his writing off."
"I said yes, and we got into a small argument about it. He pulled the 'My house, my rules' card like I knew he would. I told him that my brother and I constantly use that mirror, and we cannot see ourselves properly through the writing."
"We agreed to disagree, and he said he’d write the scripture smaller next time. A solid compromise."
"Until a few days later, when he started writing again. It did start off small, a scripture at the top of the mirror. And then he started writing bigger quotes."
"I kid you not, it’s bigger than last time. I joked about it to him today, and he got p**sed. He reiterated that it’s his house and his mirror, as well as his faith."
"I don’t think I’m in the wrong here, but I’m not religious in the slightest? I don’t know how deep that can go for some people, and if my wiping it off was really a shit thing to do."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were concerned about how over-the-top the OP's father was about sharing his faith with his sons.
"He sounds obsessive and unwell, frankly. Religious psychosis and/or OCD/Scrupulosity is a real thing. Sounds like Carrie's mom to me, honestly." - Curious-Net634
"Either the dad is obsessive with his faith, or he thinks that if OP and their brother are constantly inundated with it, they'll suddenly want to worship his god again."
"Unfortunately, with this kind of person, it's almost impossible to tell if it's genuine psychosis or just a really clumsy attempt at brainwashing." - Omnomfish
"Vanity is one of the major Sins with a capital S. By scrawling his missives on every mirror in the house, he likely has two hopes:"
"That it will block enough of the mirror that OP won't be able to see herself clearly and definitely cure her of the sin of selfies."
"That she won't be able to stop herself from reading his scriptures and will therefore return to the church."
"His ideal verse would probably be Proverbs 31:30: 'Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.'" - TheFilthyDIL
"NTA and your dad sounds like he has serious mental health issues. Religion should not be used as a tool of abuse like that."
"Some people excuse a lot of wrong/unhealthy behaviour because they justify it as being ‘devout’ in their religion, but nothing in church teachings would be telling them to do this. And even if it did that, it still wouldn’t make it OK, because his behaviour is harming his children."
"That’s an odd personal choice he is making, and if he can’t or won’t stop if asked, for very practical, reasonable reasons, then he needs to speak to a mental health expert about it. I know he probably won’t, but it’s not your fault and shouldn’t be your problem."
"You might want to look at religious OCD." - Automatic-Newt-3888
"Honestly, I'd say to pick your battles. You're 17, about to move out, so I wouldn't pick a daily battle with him."
"But no, you're not an a**hole for doing it that time."
"Your dad (falsely) believes that constantly bombarding you with bible references will turn you toward religion. I grew up the same as you and had it forced on me for most of my childhood."
"I have a great relationship with my mother, and my father died last year. As soon as I wasn't in the house, it became a non-issue." - Virtual-Squirrel-725
Others urged the OP to purchase his own mirror for his room and to set boundaries for its use.
"My advice to OP: Buy a mirror as soon as possible (with your own money), and keep it in your private room (obviously, I'm assuming you have your own room...)"
"Your dad is leaving scripture under your pillow, so you might think he'll view you buying your own mirror as an act of rebellion and write on that too, BUUUUT if you buy your own mirror, you can at least wipe the scripture off and say, 'This may be your house, Dad, but I bought the mirror with my own money, so please don't write on it.'"
"Walmart has full-length mirrors you can hang on your door or wall with command strips for under eight dollars. I have two in my home, and they're holding up very well. NTA." - PartyCustard3125
"That seems like obsessive and borderline unstable behavior from your dad. Is he afraid ghosts are going to come out of the mirrors or something if they don’t have bible quotes on them?"
"Consider getting a full-length mirror for your room." - Realistic_Pool_8087
"I'm on the 'get a full-length mirror of your own' train."
"He can still claim his house, but he wouldn't be able to say his mirror anymore... keep it in your room..."
"Dad wants to write on his own mirror, let him..."
"NTA, but also probably not a hill you want to die on in the grand scheme of things." - GarThor_TMK
"I think they'd be justified in erasing the message on their own mirror, rather than a shared household mirror. You could tell Dad, 'This is my mirror, I need it to be functional, not scribbled all over.'"
"You could also try compromising... Maybe he could put the verse on a post-it note or a card, that you could put back when you're done using the mirror" - ScopeIsDope
"NTA. My dad was weird and pushy with religion, too. I’ve never understood why people use religion as a personality trait. I respect religions of any kind, but it just never made sense to me."
"Anyways, you were just trying to use the mirror for its intended purpose, which was checking how you look for important things, like an interview. He can be mad, but if the words aren’t even as big on his own personal mirrors for himself, clearly he is trying to push religion onto you."
"I’d say talk to him about it, but because you already have, and he went the opposite direction you asked him to, so just keep erasing it ONLY where you need it. Not the whole thing, just enough that he knows it was because he’s blocking your ability to make sure you look presentable, but don’t say anything unless he does first" - Elephants4h1re
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a few clarifications about his father.
"You guys are right to assume my dad isn’t all there in the head. And he does seek therapy, though it’s from his pastor, with whom he is very much in kahoots. I think my parents go to 'therapy' with their pastor once a week? He’s always been this way, though. After my brother came out as gay in 2021, it kick-started his behavior."
"And yes, I will be buying my own mirror."
The OP also planned on listening to the subReddit's advice and buying his own mirror.
"Thank you guys for the advice! Also, there’s no need to worry about my brother and me. We’re both leaving soon, and if our dad does get too bad, we have stable family members and trusted adults we can call. This has been our norm for years now; we both know how to avoid our dad."
"I did get a middleman involved, so I wouldn’t have to argue with him again (shout out to my mom). He said to leave a portion of the mirror with scripture on it alone (about a 1/7 of the mirror, a verse neatly written at the top), and when I wanted to use it, I could wipe the rest off."
"I gladly agreed to this, though I’m going to get my own mirror for my room."
"I will be seeing my therapist next month and plan on talking to her about possibly getting my dad some real help. I’m not sure if he’ll listen, but he’s still my dad. I do feel bad for him."
"Thanks again for the advice, and though it’s thoughtful, please don’t worry about my brother and me. We’ll be okay."
"Also, I got the job!"
Few in the subReddit could imagine putting up with this environment long-term, but it seemed that the OP had a plan, between reaching out to their mom and their therapist for support, in addition to keeping a mirror in their room that was meant to simply be used as a mirror.
Many people have deep-seated beliefs like the OP's father, but the difference is practicing for themselves and pushing it on others.
