We all have beliefs that we live by, from morals to religious practices.
While that's totally fine, those beliefs are for us to practice, not for us to push onto other people, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor LetterheadRight6890 was seventeen and on the verge of moving out of his dad's house, and his dad pushed his Christian beliefs on his two sons every single day with crosses and Biblical scriptures displayed and hidden all over the house.
When his dad wrote such big quotes on the mirror that he used to check his appearance before leaving the house, making it difficult for him to use it, the Original Poster (OP) decided to clean the scripture off of the mirror, immediately infuriating his dad.
He asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for wiping my dad's scripture off the mirror?"
The OP's father filled their home with Bible scripture and other Christian references.
"For some context, my dad is very religious. He always has been. I grew up Christian, but like many who grew up in the church, I left the faith in my tween years."
"I’m 17 now, about to leave home, and his religion takes over not only his life but our house."
"There are scriptures everywhere. He hides little scripture notes under my bed or in my closet. Something I don’t care about, but really freaked my brother (who also left the faith at a young age) out. He also has little Jesus figures that he placed atop every doorway."
"I know that it’s his house, I don’t care that he’s religious. My mentality will always be that people can do whatever they want as long as it’s not hurting themselves or others."
The feature in the home that annoyed the OP was the hallway mirror he used on his way out of the house.
"The part that irks me is the new thing he’s been doing to the hallway mirror."
"My brother and I use this mirror daily. We fight and push each other out of the way before school. It’s the only full-length mirror in the house (besides the one my dad keeps in his room)."
"About a week ago, he started marking on this mirror. No biggie, but it was obnoxiously big writing. I often take pictures in this mirror, and I do use it every day."
"The writing obviously obscures the view and, to be frank, is tacky in pictures."
The OP removed the writing before a job interview.
"I had a job interview the other day, and I figured I’d just wipe the writing off with a wet rag so I could really take in how I looked. I wanted to make a good impression."
"And maybe I am the a**hole for not asking first, but he has two mirrors in his own room that he has writing on. And even on those, the writing isn’t this big."
The repercussions were immediate.
"Long story short, I got back home and saw him standing in front of the mirror. He looked back at me and asked if I was the one who wiped his writing off."
"I said yes, and we got into a small argument about it. He pulled the 'My house, my rules' card like I knew he would. I told him that my brother and I constantly use that mirror, and we cannot see ourselves properly through the writing."
"We agreed to disagree, and he said he’d write the scripture smaller next time. A solid compromise."
"Until a few days later, when he started writing again. It did start off small, a scripture at the top of the mirror. And then he started writing bigger quotes."
"I kid you not, it’s bigger than last time. I joked about it to him today, and he got p**sed. He reiterated that it’s his house and his mirror, as well as his faith."
"I don’t think I’m in the wrong here, but I’m not religious in the slightest? I don’t know how deep that can go for some people, and if my wiping it off was really a shit thing to do."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were concerned about how over-the-top the OP's father was about sharing his faith with his sons.
"He sounds obsessive and unwell, frankly. Religious psychosis and/or OCD/Scrupulosity is a real thing. Sounds like Carrie's mom to me, honestly." - Curious-Net634
"Either the dad is obsessive with his faith, or he thinks that if OP and their brother are constantly inundated with it, they'll suddenly want to worship his god again."
"Unfortunately, with this kind of person, it's almost impossible to tell if it's genuine psychosis or just a really clumsy attempt at brainwashing." - Omnomfish
"Vanity is one of the major Sins with a capital S. By scrawling his missives on every mirror in the house, he likely has two hopes:"
"That it will block enough of the mirror that OP won't be able to see herself clearly and definitely cure her of the sin of selfies."
"That she won't be able to stop herself from reading his scriptures and will therefore return to the church."
"His ideal verse would probably be Proverbs 31:30: 'Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.'" - TheFilthyDIL
"NTA and your dad sounds like he has serious mental health issues. Religion should not be used as a tool of abuse like that."
"Some people excuse a lot of wrong/unhealthy behaviour because they justify it as being ‘devout’ in their religion, but nothing in church teachings would be telling them to do this. And even if it did that, it still wouldn’t make it OK, because his behaviour is harming his children."
"That’s an odd personal choice he is making, and if he can’t or won’t stop if asked, for very practical, reasonable reasons, then he needs to speak to a mental health expert about it. I know he probably won’t, but it’s not your fault and shouldn’t be your problem."
"You might want to look at religious OCD." - Automatic-Newt-3888
"Honestly, I'd say to pick your battles. You're 17, about to move out, so I wouldn't pick a daily battle with him."
"But no, you're not an a**hole for doing it that time."
"Your dad (falsely) believes that constantly bombarding you with bible references will turn you toward religion. I grew up the same as you and had it forced on me for most of my childhood."
"I have a great relationship with my mother, and my father died last year. As soon as I wasn't in the house, it became a non-issue." - Virtual-Squirrel-725
Others urged the OP to purchase his own mirror for his room and to set boundaries for its use.
"My advice to OP: Buy a mirror as soon as possible (with your own money), and keep it in your private room (obviously, I'm assuming you have your own room...)"
"Your dad is leaving scripture under your pillow, so you might think he'll view you buying your own mirror as an act of rebellion and write on that too, BUUUUT if you buy your own mirror, you can at least wipe the scripture off and say, 'This may be your house, Dad, but I bought the mirror with my own money, so please don't write on it.'"
"Walmart has full-length mirrors you can hang on your door or wall with command strips for under eight dollars. I have two in my home, and they're holding up very well. NTA." - PartyCustard3125
"That seems like obsessive and borderline unstable behavior from your dad. Is he afraid ghosts are going to come out of the mirrors or something if they don’t have bible quotes on them?"
"Consider getting a full-length mirror for your room." - Realistic_Pool_8087
"I'm on the 'get a full-length mirror of your own' train."
"He can still claim his house, but he wouldn't be able to say his mirror anymore... keep it in your room..."
"Dad wants to write on his own mirror, let him..."
"NTA, but also probably not a hill you want to die on in the grand scheme of things." - GarThor_TMK
"I think they'd be justified in erasing the message on their own mirror, rather than a shared household mirror. You could tell Dad, 'This is my mirror, I need it to be functional, not scribbled all over.'"
"You could also try compromising... Maybe he could put the verse on a post-it note or a card, that you could put back when you're done using the mirror" - ScopeIsDope
"NTA. My dad was weird and pushy with religion, too. I’ve never understood why people use religion as a personality trait. I respect religions of any kind, but it just never made sense to me."
"Anyways, you were just trying to use the mirror for its intended purpose, which was checking how you look for important things, like an interview. He can be mad, but if the words aren’t even as big on his own personal mirrors for himself, clearly he is trying to push religion onto you."
"I’d say talk to him about it, but because you already have, and he went the opposite direction you asked him to, so just keep erasing it ONLY where you need it. Not the whole thing, just enough that he knows it was because he’s blocking your ability to make sure you look presentable, but don’t say anything unless he does first" - Elephants4h1re
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a few clarifications about his father.
"You guys are right to assume my dad isn’t all there in the head. And he does seek therapy, though it’s from his pastor, with whom he is very much in kahoots. I think my parents go to 'therapy' with their pastor once a week? He’s always been this way, though. After my brother came out as gay in 2021, it kick-started his behavior."
"And yes, I will be buying my own mirror."
The OP also planned on listening to the subReddit's advice and buying his own mirror.
"Thank you guys for the advice! Also, there’s no need to worry about my brother and me. We’re both leaving soon, and if our dad does get too bad, we have stable family members and trusted adults we can call. This has been our norm for years now; we both know how to avoid our dad."
"I did get a middleman involved, so I wouldn’t have to argue with him again (shout out to my mom). He said to leave a portion of the mirror with scripture on it alone (about a 1/7 of the mirror, a verse neatly written at the top), and when I wanted to use it, I could wipe the rest off."
"I gladly agreed to this, though I’m going to get my own mirror for my room."
"I will be seeing my therapist next month and plan on talking to her about possibly getting my dad some real help. I’m not sure if he’ll listen, but he’s still my dad. I do feel bad for him."
"Thanks again for the advice, and though it’s thoughtful, please don’t worry about my brother and me. We’ll be okay."
"Also, I got the job!"
Few in the subReddit could imagine putting up with this environment long-term, but it seemed that the OP had a plan, between reaching out to their mom and their therapist for support, in addition to keeping a mirror in their room that was meant to simply be used as a mirror.
Many people have deep-seated beliefs like the OP's father, but the difference is practicing for themselves and pushing it on others.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp