Redditor Calls Out Roommate After His Girlfriend Basically Moves In And Doesn't Contribute At All

The housing market is practically impossible to navigate right now, making it harder and more expensive than ever before to buy a house or to find a reasonable place to rent.

This also makes it harder than ever to break a lease if we end up with a terrible roommate or an otherwise unlivable situation, cringed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor lrynadream had no complaints about their roommate until he started dating someone, and that girlfriend soon became a permanent fixture in their two-person apartment.

When she had essentially moved in but was not paying any expenses, not even supplying groceries, the Original Poster (OP) attempted to talk to both of them about their living arrangements and expenses, only for the couple to shame them for wanting to have an uncomfortable conversation.

They asked the sub:

"Am I the a**hole for kicking my roommate's girlfriend out after she basically moved in without asking?"

Everything was fine in the OP's home until their roommate's girlfriend moved in.

"So I live with a roommate, and we split rent 50/50. Everything was fine at first."

"Then he got a girlfriend."

"At first, she would just stay over sometimes, which was totally fine. But over time, it turned into her basically living here."

"She sleeps here, eats our food, uses the shower, the washing machine, and leaves her stuff all over the apartment."

"Sometimes I come home, and she’s just there alone like it’s her place."

The OP brought up their concerns to their roommate, who dismissed them.

"I kept quiet because I didn’t want to start drama. But at some point, I realized I’m paying for half the apartment while basically living with two people."

"I talked to my roommate and said this isn’t okay. I stated that either she starts contributing, or she shouldn’t be here all the time."

"He brushed it off, saying things like she just stays over a lot and that I was overreacting."

The OP decided to go directly to the source instead.

"The other day, I told her directly that she doesn’t live here and needs to stop coming over every day."

"She got upset, he got mad, and now the apartment is tense, and they both think I’m the a**hole."

"But I never agreed to a third roommate."

"Putting myself in their shoes, I might be the a**hole, because instead of continuing to talk it out with my roommate, I went directly to his girlfriend and told her she needed to stop coming over so often."

"I understand that could have come across as disrespectful and confrontational, especially since she’s not the one on the lease, and it should have been handled only between my roommate and me."

"From their perspective, I overstepped and escalated the situation instead of trying to resolve it more calmly."

"Was I wrong to set boundaries instead of just putting up with it?"

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some pointed out that even if the OP didn't have a problem with the girlfriend moving in, the landlord likely would.

"NTA: Notify your landlord that a third person has moved in, over and above your objections." - Prechrchet

"NTA. Find a copy of your lease and look for the section on 'subletting' or 'guest policy.' Show it to your roommate."

"If her lengthy stay a) violates that section of the lease and b) the landlord finds out (like from a neighbor in the building), then all three of you will be out on your a**es." - OniyaMCD

"NTA. She’s a roommate you didn’t ask for, who is a freeloader. Does she even have another apartment? You’ve now learned the hard way to discuss these issues at the beginning. Setting limits like she can’t be there when he’s not there. How many nights a week does she stay over?!"

"Check out your lease. You may be violating its terms, which could get you kicked out. You’re right that you should’ve kept talking to your roommate about it instead of confronting her. If you’re both on the lease, maybe you can find a new place when it ends, since this situation has soured." - neon_crone

"Tell them both that if she doesn’t start paying you back what she’s eaten and used and doesn’t start paying one-third of everything, you will tell the landlord, because you've been financing this woman for how long now!?" - ComprehensiveTill411

"NTA."

"If you live in the US, you need to be super diligent about this. If someone knows the housing laws and stays at the residence for over 30 days and is receiving mail there, she might not let you kick her out."

"At that point, you would need to evict her through the courts. I'm not saying that is her plan, but it is always a possibility."

"Rent's already super expensive; imagine if you had to pay more because of s**tty rental history, which is the path she's potentially sending you down on. Take care." - scurvy4all

"NTA. Tell him one more time that she is not allowed to be there all the time, and if he doesn’t comply, talk to the landlord. She’s not on the lease."

"That said, I would not allow her to move in, even if you change the way expenses are handled. The two of them are going to make your life a living h**l if you allow her to move in at all. OR, if she's going to move in, I'd see if the landlord was willing to release you in exchange for her, since it's the same number of bodies. Sometimes landlords are understanding that way if the amount of money coming in doesn't change or increases." - Buckleupbuttercup77

"If it were me, I'd find another place to live and then visit the front office and very innocently explain that I'd like to move out, but that it wouldn't impact the number of people on the renter's agreement, because my roommate moved his girlfriend in against my will and made it an unlivable environment for me, and I'd like to know if there's a way to get out of having to pay a 'breaking lease' fine, since the living arrangement I agreed upon when signing had changed."

"But I'm petty like that. NTA." - MystifiedByPurple

Others urged the OP to set boundaries if they were going to continue living in that apartment.

"I would tell your roommate that you would only pay a third of the bills, including rent, because why should you subsidize her living expenses?! You're not the one dating her or inviting her in."

"It would be interesting to hear his reaction. If he didn't agree, I would then tell the landlord that there is an unauthorised person staying at the apartment and that the living situation you agreed upon no longer exists and you'd like to move out without penalty, giving the girlfriend the opportunity to take up your position on the lease." - Hpopbjoy

"The roommate doesn't want things to change, because he likes that more of the rent is covered, and the girlfriend DEFINITELY doesn't want anything to change, because all of her expenses are covered! But the OP is one of three, paying half, and now living in an environment they did not agree to. The math ain't mathin', and something's gotta give." - Tight_Jaguar_3881

"You're NTA. What's disrespectful is moving into someone else's shared home with the consent of the roommate and without offering to pull her weight in expenses." - Dittoheadforever

"Yeah, I’m on your side, heavy. Like, it’s not even about her personally; it’s about boundaries and fairness. utilities, space, and food. Those aren’t magically free just because she’s his girlfriend..."

"People looooove avoiding 'drama' until someone finally speaks up, and then suddenly, YOU’RE the problem. Nah man, you just said what should’ve been said weeks ago, to be honest." - corenthill_53

"NTA. If she wants to be there all the time, she needs to contribute with the money too. Because not only is she practically living there, but she's also using more power, water, gas, etc for her needs, and it's not fair that you're paying for her share too."

"I lived in a similar situation a few years ago. Thankfully, the partner stopped coming over every day after a few months." - arina1945

"NTA. I had a roommate like this once. She basically moved her boyfriend in, despite my straight-up saying I wasn’t comfortable with it."

"When it came time to renew our lease, she was surprised I decided not to stay. He was unemployed, and she couldn’t afford the place on her own, so it kinda sucked for her, I guess, but we were acquaintances, not friends, so it was no loss to me."

"Maybe if she had considered my feelings for even a minute, I would have spent more than a minute considering renewing. You reap what you sow. NTA, OP." - voxetpraetereanihill

"Speaking from experience, you are not the a**hole. I moved in with my former best friend, and he met some guy on Craigslist and almost immediately moved him in. He then invited our mutual friend to stay over constantly."

"The lease was renewed without my knowledge, and I was replaced by a mutual friend, and the three of them lived together, and I had to find somewhere else to live FAST."

"I never talked to any of them ever again. I wish I knew then what I know now, and I would’ve stood up for myself."

"I hope you'll do so now before you learn the hard way." - BoyWonder731

The subReddit completely understood why this was becoming such a problem for the OP, and it definitely wasn't what the OP agreed to when they signed a lease with their roommate.

If the roommate and girlfriend wanted to essentially live together, they either needed to make it worth the OP's while or help the OP find other accommodations because the current state of things was unsustainable and possibly illegal.