One of the most enjoyable parts of sitting in on the wedding ceremony is listening to the happy couple’s adaptation of their wedding vows.
But not every couple takes their wedding vows as seriously as other couples, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor aitaaccount54156 was shocked when he found out his brother and future sister-in-law planned on not including his disabled wife in their wedding festivities.
Completely frustrated, the Original Poster (OP) dropped out of the wedding as best man.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for dropping out as my brother’s best man a couple of days before his wedding?”
The OP was going to be in a multi-venue wedding.
“My (36) brother (30) got married this past weekend. I was supposed to be his best man.”
“The wedding was ages 12+ because they didn’t want to have to deal with toddlers and such, which is fair enough. A lot of guests do have young kids though, so they decided to have a venue nearby with a professional sitter if parents wanted to drop kids off there.”
“My wife has some injuries that make her slow to respond/understand what others are saying, and if she needs help sometimes with her food, I’ll cut it up into small pieces. This doesn’t mean she’s nothing and she’s a smart, capable woman.”
But then the OP’s sister-in-law (SIL) said something that surprised him.
“They had the rehearsal dinner, and at the end, my SIL pulled me aside saying she had to discuss something with me.”
“She said they told us about the additional venue they’ll be having for their wedding, and I said yes.”
“Then she asked if my wife had any particular food preferences and if they would order extra food for her there.”
“I was extremely confused and told her we already gave our meal choices, but she said my wife would be better suited at the second venue.”
“I remember just sort of staring at her for a bit and asking if she was serious, that she expected my wife to be with the babysitter.”
“SIL said it’s not like that and they’re just looking out for my wife, and I don’t have to ‘feed her or anything’ and can ‘have fun at the wedding.'”
“My brother came over, and I told him I’ve literally never heard such sh*t, that they think my wife is a child to be left with a sitter.”
“Brother said it’s for the best and if I want I can always ‘go over and check on her.'”
The OP wasn’t okay with that arrangement.
“I told him if this is the way they’re treating my wife, I have no desire to be part of their sh*tshow and dropped out as best man.”
“Well, all h**l broke loose, and some people agreed I was right, but my parents texted, called, everything saying they don’t agree with this either but it’s their choice, and to get over my ego and come.”
“I didn’t end up going.”
“I did hear they got one of the groomsmen to give a speech and overall it was fine, but my brother sent me a text saying he expected better from me. I replied back saying I expected better from him.”
“My SIL sent a long-a** text that I ruined their big day on purpose and made them look bad.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were disgusted by the level of ableism in the family.
“NTA. The ableism and infantilizing of your wife from your SIL and brother is disgusting and beyond AH behavior.” – whateverworks1470
“Not to mention his parents saying, 0we don’t agree but get over your ego.’ Chr**t, the whole family sucks (except OP). NTA OP, keep doing what you’re doing.” – DM_ME_YOUR_POTATOES
“I would make the family say all this stuff to the wife. The SIL and brother (and parents etc) all keep saying it to the OP. Try looking at OP’s wife and justifying it to her face!”
“Holidays and such will now be awkward now that the fam has verbalized what they really think about OP’s wife.” – InterestingFact1728
“My jaw dropped as it dawned on me they wanted to stick OP’s wife with the babysitter. One of the more awful AITA posts I’ve ever read.”
“I’d be so done with my brother if I were OP, what disgusting people. Definitely revealed the ugly people they truly are.”
“NTA a hundred times over.” – sunnydays0306
“The longer I read, the higher I raised my eyebrows. I did not know they could go that high. This story just got worse and worse. This couple got hit with the ‘wedding syndrome’ hard and ran wild with it.”
“I would never speak to my bro, SIL, and parents again for this bullcrap. I’m so glad OP stood up for his wife. I can only imagine how she feels right now.” – kill4kandy
“Instead of providing extra care for OP’s wife and making things more comfortable and convenient for her at the wedding, they decided to just shove her away because she doesn’t make their wedding look good. They don’t see OP and his wife as family, just some collectibles and accessories.”
“NTA.” – danaersatz
“I don’t think the babysitter who is at a venue full of under 12-year-old children didn’t sign up for caring for an adult. And they just said sitter like one? For a whole venue of children?!”
“NTA. To have a child-free wedding is because they can disturb the wedding by screaming and ruining around. As if OP’s wife would do that. They were just afraid that some attention goes to the wife.” – EvilFinch
Others were grateful the OP did the right thing.
“As someone who underwent chemo for cancer and, as a result, ended up with chemo toxicity, I present a lot like OP’s wife.”
“My speech can be slow, I am slow to respond, memory issues, balance issues, and difficulty following conversations or directions. If I am tired, this is magnified by 100.”
“I would absolutely disown any relative that tried to treat me like OP’s family did his wife. If my spouse didn’t stick up for me, I would disown them too.”
“OP did right by his wife. OP’s family is awful. In all sincerity, I hope the wedding was ruined, and the bride and groom have themselves to thank for that.”
“OP NTA.” – Livid-Garbage8255
“OP didn’t make them look bad; that was their own sh*tty selves. Wild to me when people complain about looking bad like it’s not the consequence of their own actions.” – kitcassidy
“NTA and everyone who was on their side is a real piece of work. Your brother and SIL deserve each other. I’m glad you dropped out. Now you can watch their sh*tshow of a marriage happen from a distance.” – AbjectSatisfaction5
“Making themselves out to be victims is horrible. I say OP should let folks know what happened, maybe that would knock sense into his brother and SIL.”
“His brother better pray he never gets a debilitating illness. SIL doesn’t seem to be too caring to people who are not ‘typically’ healthy.”
“I’d be proud to have you in my life and at my wedding, OP. I know my marriage would have good support from someone who shows such love and devotion.”
“You’re definitely NTA, OP.” – everydayisstorytime
“No. Putting it aside is the same as condoning it.”
“Plus, it’s not just like ‘cooling off on Thursday ahead of a big talk on Friday.’ The ‘one day’ your parents wanted you to look the other way just happened to be the one day your bro and SIL intended to infantilize your wife and separate you from her. So, no, that’s not the day to put it aside.”
“Ask your parents if they’ll be cool with one of them getting shuttled to an alternate venue when one of them has the misfortune of a stroke or Alzheimer’s.”
“You absolutely did the right thing. NTA.” – mouse_attack
“You did the right thing, putting it aside would have been like saying it’s ok to treat your wife like that. I just can’t believe the audacity to do that and then act like nothing is wrong with it. Saying you could have fun as if your wife is like your child.”
“You and your wife deserve a huge apology. They only have themselves to blame and are being way dramatic to say the wedding was ruined.” – EmeraldIsle13
“The suggestion itself was insult enough, but the last-minute approach to you both is what makes it worse is also springing it on you like it’s no big deal to separate you and your wife during a wedding…”
“You are NTA, and even though it sucks to ‘miss out’ on an event like this… your brother and SIL will hopefully regret their choices that led to that happening.” – Glad-Ability4018
“This was exactly the place to take a stand, and anyone telling you otherwise is enabling piss poor behavior by your brother and SIL. It’s the same theory as ‘we don’t negotiate with terrorists.’ If they wanted you to happily participate in their big day, you gave them every opportunity to right their f**k up before drawing a line and dropping out.”
“You are an amazing model for drawing a boundary and politely but firmly keeping it. Bravo.” – beanie0911
Not only was the subReddit furious for the OP and his wife, but they were grateful that he had taken a stand for her. “In sickness and in health” is a part of most wedding vows for a reason, and it would make sense that the OP wouldn’t want to be a part of a wedding where that wasn’t taken seriously.