Not everyone is lucky enough to have friends who will go out of their way to do something nice for them.
With this in mind, should we ever be so lucky, it is vitally important to show gratitude to these friends.
As a lack of gratitude might not only end up hurting our friend’s feelings, but also potentially damage this friendship.
Redditor ConfidentBass1564 was excited to throw a birthday party for one of their closest friends.
Their excitement dropped considerably, however, when they took a look at the guest list.
Resulting in the original poster (OP) cancelling the party.
After being called “selfish” by their friend for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for canceling my best friend’s birthday party that I planned after she invited my bully?”
The OP explained why they called off the birthday party they had been planning for their friend:
“Anna has been my best friend since high school and we’ve always been close.”
“I’m organized and very good at planning so I always enjoying planning stuffs for us and that includes her birthday parties.”
“This year she turned 25 and we agreed to organize a big party at my house.”
“I spent $300 and two weeks prepping.”
“Invited 20 mutual friends which is usually the amount of people we’d have around.”
“I was with Anna when I overheard her talking to Jess about the party.”
“Found out she’s invited Jess.”
“Jess was my school bully.”
“She and her friends never liked me and I never liked the fact that Anna my best friend was talking to Jess.”
“They aren’t really too close so I overlooked.”
“Anna knows Jess and her friends don’t like me.”
“She knew about it all and at some point Jess has asked her why she’s still friends with me.”
“I was mad about this invitation and told her I haven’t seen Jess in years and don’t want to.”
“Anna insisted Jess has changed and she will like me now since she’s not so close with her crew anymore.”
“I thought about it and imagined seeing Jess again in the same room.”
“All that didn’t sit well with me no matter how much she’s changed.”
“I just said no and told her if Jess comes the party is off.”
“She said I was being dramatic and said she’ll tell Jess not to come.”
“But two days later I looked into group chat Anna added Jess and posted ‘Can’t wait for Saturday at OP’s house!’”
“I confronted Anna.”
“She said I shouldn’t worry that she’s making sure she resolves everything between me and Jess.”
“I said no and I don’t want to.”
“I Canceled the party and told everyone it’s off.”
“I refunded what I could, packed up decorations.”
“Anna called me selfish for ruining her party and not wanting to reconcile with Jess her other friend.”
“Now she sees me as a bad friend.”
“Everyone thinks seeing Jess to talk about old time was best and Anna was trying to help me heal.”
“The thing is I don’t want to heal I just want to forget.”
“AITA for canceling?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for cancelling their friend’s birthday party.
Everyone agreed that as the OP was doing their good friend a great kindness, then they should have been more grateful, and shouldn’t have used is as an occasion for them to make up with a former bully:
“NTA if you hadn’t somehow found out you would have been faced with a bully who traumatized you without time to prepare.”
“If Anna was a friend she would have ASKED first and discussed this with you instead of trying to spring it on you.”
“Sorry OP you deserve better friends.”- AvailableHumor903
“NTA and Anna is definitely NOT your best friend.”
“She lied to you and tried to force you to welcome someone into YOUR home that made you miserable for years.”
“All that AND she knows very well WHY you don’t want to have anything to do with Jess!”
“Sorry that you had to find out your friends true colors this way.”- Leek-Middle
“You get to decide who is welcome in YOUR house.”
“Everything else is beside the point.”
“NTA.”- ahloser
“NTA, this person knowingly invited someone who bullied you to YOUR HOME.”
“And then lied about it.”
“A 3rd party cannot ‘resolve everything’ between a bully and her victim, certainly not with deception at the basis.”
“Reconciliation can only happen if the bully makes the effort to apologize, which is not the case here, this was not about ‘helping you heal’ it’s about you being expected to basically serve drinks to your bully.”
“I would seriously rethink this friendship.”- MarionberryPlus8474
“NTA.”
“She’s your best friend but you’re not hers.”
“Time to get up from this table that’s only serving disrespect.”- thedamnoftinkers
“NTA and I would not consider her a friend anymore.”
“She clearly likes ignoring boundaries.”- slicksquids
“Some friends are seasonal.”
“Maybe it’s time to move on.”
“NTA.”- SarcasmIsntDead
“NTA.”
“Anna is not your friend.”
“Friends do not hurt each other.”- lizzietnz
“NTA.”
“You were definitely being discussed between those two and the basics of said discussion was that you needed to get over it.”
“Neither of them cared much for your trauma.”
“You did the right thing!”- IntrepidMuch
“NTA!”
“Bringing someone into YOUR house after you said no?”
“Screw that!!”- Vfrnut
“NTA.”
“The venue was to be your home.”
“It’s not appropriate for Anna to invite people to your home without your knowledge or approval no matter what the occasion was.”
“Let alone someone who hurt you in the past.”
“You are not obligated to heal at all, and especially not as a surprise.”- bellegroves
“NTA.”
“Sorry, but how can you be friends with someone who stands up for the person that bullied you?”
“If Anna wants to invite Jess to her party, she can host her own at her own place.”
“Anna trying to push for Jess to be invited was disrespectful.”- the_greek_italian
“NTA.”
“Look, if it were in a neutral place and you weren’t invested in the planning, (also, I hope you weren’t spending your own money on it), then I might say show up for a half hour then leave.”
“But the thing is, you planned it to be in your home.”
“This is your space, your sanctuary, and where you should always feel the most comfortable and safe.”
“It doesn’t matter if it was Ana’s birthday party, people you don’t like, don’t trust, and don’t feel safe around should never be invited to be there.”
“And its kinda sh*tty that Ana and others kept trying to peer pressure you into allowing your space to be violated by someone you don’t want there. Its that simple.”- Herefiraita
“NTA.”
“It’s your house.”
“You decide who’s allowed in and who isn’t.”
“I think back to people I went to school with and I sure as hell wouldn’t want a lot of them coming to my house now either.”- Smart-Peace-667
“NTA.”
“You were throwing a party for your friend that is not the time for an ambush to hash out the past.”-Spiritual-Handle2983
“NTA.”
“1) your house, your rules.”
“2) nobody gets to dictate whether you should reconcile with Jess or how you should go about it but YOU.”
“I am sorry but it sounds like Anna is not your friend.”
“Not only has she violated your boundaries, she does not seem to care about your feelings.”-pcan1234
“NTA.”
“While it is possible that she has changed, you were the victim of her bullying and it’s your choice if you want to see her again, not your friends.”- Bottlecollecter
“NTA.”
“This person is not a friend much less a ‘best friend’.”- MovieLazy6576
“NTA.”
“If Jess wanted to help you ‘heal’ where was her effort?”
“No apology, she didn’t reach out to even ask if you’d be willing to talk.”
“Also, your friend is a lying a**.”- NuSheol
“NTA.”
“You did the right thing, I don’t think Jess wants to actually reconcile or help you heal, just wanted to see how you were doing to be able to gossip and bully more.”
“You don’t have to have people you don’t want in your home, it might be her birthday party, but it’s YOUR HOME.”
“So Jess can throw it for her.”- S_l9807
As this was Anna’s birthday, one could argue that she had final say on the guest list.
That being said, the OP was also going out of their way to do this for Anna, and Anna somewhat unwisely chose this as an opportunity for the OP and Jess to make amends.
Something the OP was not at all interested in doing, as they felt Jess owed them an apology.
Who’s to say how Anna will end up spending her birthday now, but one can only hope it was worth it.