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Dad Stirs Drama By Telling Stay-At-Home Wife She Needs To ‘Pull Her Weight’ A Month After She Gave Birth

Photo by Yuris Alhumaydy/Unsplash

Having a baby is an extraordinary experience on so many levels.

One thing that is not often discussed enough when a baby is on the way though, is what happens after.

There are a lot of sleepless nights and harsh realities awaiting parents.

Maybe those details should be glossed over less so that parents can better communicate with one another.

Case in point…

Redditor DevelopmentKlutzy53 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for telling my wife one month postpartum she needs to pull her weight?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So my wife (28) and me (31 M[ale]) welcomed our first kiddo into the world a month ago!”

“I make enough to provide for now, so she quit her job during her pregnancy to stay at home for an indefinite amount of time.”

“I only got a couple of weeks off after she gave birth. So that I could take care of our little man while she focused on healing and nursing.”

“Now that I am back to work, things are getting more difficult.”

“The house is constantly a mess and nothing ever gets done unless I do it myself.”

“All of this being while I am the sole provider for the household and taking care of my son.”

“There were a lot of the things we agreed she would do since she isn’t working.”

“I understand that nursing is hard and her body is still recovering and has been dealing with clogged milk ducts, chapped and bleeding nipples, and has to get up every couple of hours to nurse him.”

“But it’s a little unfair of her to expect me to do everything just because she is nursing and recovering.”

“It’s even more difficult because outside of taking care of the house and my son most of the time, I’m also taking care of her.”

“She needs me to help out clogs, help clean up things in the bathroom, get her this and that, won’t change or shower half of the time unless I tell her to.”

“Even then she needs help.”

“So anyways all this frustration finally came to a head the other night: I was finishing up some work at the office pretty late into the evening.”

“I come home to find my wife sleeping on the couch and hear my son crying upstairs.”

“I run up and get him and after trying this and that he wanted to be fed.”

“I take him down to my wife and wake her up and she’s nursing.”

“Just out of curiosity I check the baby monitor we have in his room and looked at the footage.”

“He had been crying for almost two hours.”

“On the video, my wife originally came in and tried some stuff including feeding and he wouldn’t settle down.”

“This went on for an hour before she just gave up and went downstairs and didn’t come back up.”

“This pissed me off and so I lost my temper a bit and yelled at her and said she needed to take more responsibility.”

“I told her I can’t always be the one to do everything and she needs to start pulling her weight.”

“That I’m tired too and I don’t get to ignore her or the baby and sleep all day.”

“After this I just needed some time to cool down so I went to the bar with a friend and stayed out longer than I was expecting.”

“I come home and find the house immaculately cleaned and both the kiddo and her sleeping.”

“I apologized the next morning but she just didn’t seem right and still doesn’t seem right.”

“The house is clean and she looks after my son and is always the one rushing to him now.”

“She never asks for help with anything even though I know it hurts her.”

“It needed to be said and I am relieved, but I do feel bad for her.”

“I don’t know if I am justified here… so AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole. 

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“Dude. You messed up good.”


“Let that just sink in a minute.”

“Now let’s get back to your post. You are expecting your wife to have your lives, ALL of your lives COMPLETELY PERFECT during this month following human extraction.”

“Let’s let that sink in as well.”

“Now think about how long it takes you to adjust to a new job. Or a new home. Or even a new car.”

“Think about the time it takes to really feel settled in and have your routines down and know what you’re doing and have all the pieces in place.”

“Now think about it considering that one major element, the baby, is changing its routine and its abilities and its needs every single day during this time.”

“Do you still think that your wife should have all of her s**t together to take care of you during this time?”

“With no onboarding time? No adjustment? No assistance from you?”

“And now throw in the things like breast cracking and pain? Do you have any freaking idea how much that hurts?”

“YTA in the most serious way. Apologize to your wife.”

“Help your family. Get a clue. Grow up. And everything else.”

“You’re a father now. This is not the life you lived before. Get used to it or get out.” ~ annrkea

“On top of all this she’s probably super sleep deprived waking up every 3 hours or so to nurse a baby on breasts that have been clogging which is painful and chapped bleeding nipples as well”

“Dude, you are so much the a**hole.”

“Of course you should be helping taking care of your wife and baby when you’re done work.”

“Also, you should make sure she’s not suffering from postpartum depression. YTA.”  ~ rorointhewoods

“Childbirth literally feels like you’ve been hit by a train.”

“And you have stitches in places you never even thought you could tear.”

“Oh, and breastfeeding is also super painful.”

“Nothing can prepare you for the contractions you experience when you’re freshly postpartum and nursing.”

“Then, there’s the emotional component of postpartum. You’re exhausted.”

“You feel so overwhelmed and lost. You also feel like you’ve lost yourself and wonder when you’ll feel ‘normal’ again.”

“And OP? She won’t feel normal until the baby is around 2. OP, YTA.”  ~ Mycabbageeesss

“Heck, I raise goats. My goats haven’t even returned to normal within a month of kidding.”

“They still need special care, minerals, supplements etc during that time and will still be passing afterbirth.”

“I imagine it’s even worse for humans. I’m literally nicer to my freaking livestock than op was to his wife.”  ~ Helpful-Wrangler280

“When I had my first, I remember the first day I was going to be home alone (my S[ignificant] O[ther’s] first day back to work).”

“The baby was about a month old and I had all these plans for cleaning and making dinner.”

“I’m the 10 hours my SO was gone I was able to load the dishwasher (not even run it) – he came thru the door as I was putting in the last plate.”

“I broke down in tears feeling like a complete failure.”

“He sat me down and told me that I kept the baby alive and didn’t run away, so the dishwasher being loaded was extra nice.”

“Laboring out a kid and then adjusting to all the new things that come with it is rough.”

“I would worry if I were OP.”

“If I was the wife I would have cleaned the whole house as a major FU and then seriously started debating what the future of relationship would be.” ~ Atypical_Mom

“Super sleep deprived! Right?”

“It’s likely been four months since she last slept through the night (trying to sleep in the third trimester is an exercise in futility).”

“But OP is over here thinking she should have enough energy to feed and care for a brand new person, and do all the housework, and meals.”

“Like, guess what man, she’s on the clock the entire time you’re on the clock.”

“If you get a break when you get home she’s entitled to a break too.”

“Does she get one? Or does she nap to try and crawl out of the pit that sleep deprivation puts a person in?”

“Does she have a moment for a hobby or self care? Or does getting a shower count as self care instead of basic hygiene?”

“And for crying out loud, do chores without complaining about it until she’s at least getting a solid night’s rest consistently.”  ~ Justanothergamerwife

“My husband was… Well, useless for my son’s first couple months.”

“Stayed up all night, but wouldn’t get the baby if he woke, slept through any crying.”

“He would get up just before he had to leave for work and not even check to see if I needed to pee when I was sleeping in the baby’s room waiting for the next feeding.”

“I didn’t get an actual shower until the baby had been home a month. Just sink washes.”

“We have worked on things. He knows he f**ked up. He’s gotten better.”

“But I’ll never forget that, and honestly I’ll probably never really forgive.”

“OP is going to find himself in the exact same boat and she will never forget that he betrayed and abandoned her at her most vulnerable.”  ~ SpyGlassez

Well this dad was certainly given a lot to think about.

Hopefully OP and his wife can calmly sit and have a chat (between feedings and diaper changes) and reach an understanding.

Good luck.