Questioning a person's eating habits is never easy.
There is no perfect way to tell someone they may have problems with food.
Even doctors face the struggle.
How romantic partners relay the messaging... can be a relationship dealbreaker.
Redditor Solid-Writing-7372 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for 'implying my wife (28) eats too much' by saying she might have parasites?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I’m posting on a throwaway as my wife is a frequent Reddit user and commonly surfs this sub."
"I know this title alone might raise some red flags; after all, you’re not supposed to comment on a woman’s eating habits at all, apparently."
"But I’m starting to become genuinely concerned that my wife has parasites."
"Why, you may ask?"
"She eats like a wolf and doesn’t gain weight."
"She also complains about being in actual pain from hunger."
"But the main point of this story was a comment I made about how it’s 'Not natural how much she eats without gaining weight anywhere.'"
"Which apparently came off as the most offensive thing ever said."
"I’m seriously not trying to call her out or exaggerate her eating habits."
"This is everything she ate just today for example: 3 eggs, 12-20 mini hashbrowns, juice AND a smoothie, 4 sausages, a miniature steak (roughly the size of half your palm) for breakfast (but partially spaced out over about an hour) half a poutine, 3 cake pops, another juice box, 6 chicken strips for lunch, snacks were half a platter of shrimp, 8(?) snow crab legs with garlic butter, 2 bowls of Mr. Noodles, 2 small pieces of cheesecake, a cup of hot cocoa, a salad with chicken, 3 bowls of carrots and broccoli, then for dinner she had 10 chicken nuggets, a mcchicken, another bowl of ramen, a chocolate bar and a soda."
"Now I’m seriously not trying to judge and say she's eating too much in a negative way, but she often says when she’s hungry her stomach hurts more than just a little hunger pain."
"The problem is, when I brought up the health concerns, I said, 'Nobody can eat THAT much and not gain weight, clearly it’s something wrong,' and she took that as 'Wow, you eat way too much food, fatty' or something???"
"But I don’t feel like I’m wrong."
"In all the time I’ve been with her, she’s gained 25 pounds TOPS, most of which she gained when she started a medication years prior."
"She’s 140 pounds, that’s not fat."
"I don’t understand how she took it as me calling her fat in a bad way."
"I truly, genuinely believe it’s not humanly possible to eat that much without gaining weight, I didn’t mean it in a mean way at all, I just truly think somethings eating whatever enters her stomach or SOMETHING."
"So that being said, am I truly the a**hole?"
"I’ve apologized if she took it the wrong way, but I said I’m not sorry for being concerned and bringing up valid points."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Am the A**hole?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NAH. Definitely keep pushing her to get to a doctor about it."
"My first thought is that she may have an eating disorder and is either restricting when you aren’t paying attention, or purging the food. "
"When I was deep in my E[rect] D[ysfucntion], my husband was absolutely convinced I was eating a LOT, and it got to the point where he was worried I had cancer or something because I kept losing weight despite eating 'so much' he just wasn’t paying enough attention to realize what was really going on."
"It can be hard to spot."
"Either your wife has an ED, or there’s another serious medical issue going on."
"Her defensiveness makes me assume the former." ~ abeyante
"Your wife’s thyroid might be having issues." ~ LauraLethal
"That’s what I was thinking. Graves’ disease is hyperthyroidism."
"Unless she could have picked up a tapeworm somewhere." ~ lizardreaming
"Some of the responses here are... Wow."
"Yes, you should be concerned!"
"However, with a caveat: Has she always eaten that much, or is this a recent change?"
"What kind of pain?"
"You were maybe a bit tactless, but you're not wrong; if she's in pain from hunger after that much food, she could have any number of problems ranging from a metabolic disorder to an autoimmune disease to, yes, some kind of parasite. "
"She should see a doctor." ~ Just-Secretary-4018
"I came to make a joke in response to your 'eats like a wolf' comment, but the rest of your post was too concerning..."
"She definitely needs to visit a medic."
"As others have said, this could be hyperthyroidism; there's also the possibility, considering her sensitivity to your comment, that she has developed an eating disorder and that she's binging and then purging."
"Get her to the doctor's, mate."
"Tell her how worried you are." ~ RPG_Rob
"I mean, suggesting blood work is a good step. It's not a parasite, lol."
"Also, I'm one of those thin women (112lbs) who eats a ton and never gains."
"I've had to spend most of my life hearing things like 'you sure you don't have a tapeworm?' and various other jokes at my expense."
"It sucks."
"I've always been like this; all the women in my family are thin and love food, and there's nothing medically wrong with me."
"I would, however, be concerned about your wife's cholesterol since a lot of what you listed isn't the best."
"Blood work is a good idea for anyone." ~ MoonFroth
"You don't mention anything about your wife's lifestyle habits."
"Is she someone who's very physically active?"
"Because if she is, then having a higher caloric intake isn't uncommon."
"But on the whole, I don't think it's necessarily wrong to be concerned about your wife's health, particularly if she is experiencing pain more than normal hunger pangs."
"But that could be from a multitude of things, parasites not included."
"And then to comment on her not gaining weight and what she's eating likely does make her feel like she's being monitored."
"I think you should apologize for how you said it and try to have a more productive conversation. NAH." ~ coastalkid92
"You can tell her you think she should see a doctor because being in physical pain whenever you're hungry isn't normal and can't be pleasant."
"I don't know why you necessarily think parasites, though."
"It could be a malabsorption problem, or something going on with her endocrine system."
"You are concerned for her health, which is perfectly fine to voice, but implying you think she's full of worms or something is pretty rude." ~ Consistent-Star5745
"NAH. I, a 28 F[emale], was just diagnosed with hyperthyroidism after a year+ of just explaining away all of the symptoms, even when my partner was expressing concern for my health."
"What were the symptoms?"
"Rapid heart rate (resting at 100+ bpm), constant hunger (I was plowing through sugary snacks constantly, even waking up from hunger at one point), shakiness (had to eat something before leaving bed to calm the shakes enough to get ready), unexplained weight loss (~20 lbs in one year with no change to diet and exercise), and fatigue/faintness from standing for longer than about 10 minutes."
"Do any of these symptoms sound like your partner? She may need to see a doctor and get some blood work done."
"It’s fine to show concern over things like this; however, reflect on whether there are other possible influences on why she may be eating so much without gaining weight."
"Could be anything from exercise or fast metabolism, or something more extreme like a medical problem or eating disorder."
"Either way, your approach and tone will greatly impact her receptiveness towards your message/concern." ~ GottaBlast7940
"That is... A lot of food."
"Depending on her height, age, and activity level, it takes between 1,600 and 2,200 calories per day to maintain 140 lbs."
"That sounds like more than 2,200 calories, but if she's very active, that's not an insane amount."
"If you're genuinely concerned about the physical pain she's in when she's hungry, you need to frame it better than 'you must have icky bug in tummy, ' though. "
"Tell her you don't want her to be in pain, and it can't hurt to run that by a doctor and see what they say." ~ SeriousEye5864
"NTA!!! I see that you’re genuinely concerned about her, and it’s not normal to have hunger pains like that. "
"I don’t eat half of what she eats, and I’m overweight."
"She should get tests run to find out what’s going on!" ~ Secret-Alfalfa-5411
"NTA, if I ate that much, my weight would absolutely balloon out of control. "
"Your wife needs to see a doctor, and she also needs to understand that you were not calling her fat but just voicing a legitimate health concern." ~ GoetheundLotte
"Parasites wouldn't be the answer based on what you've said."
"But you're NTA to be concerned if she historically didn't eat that much and nothing's changed in terms of how much energy she's burning through activity." ~ rocking_womble
"She may be purging."
"This is an insane amount of food to eat on a daily basis without being obese."
"A friend of mine has a binge eating-purging disorder, and this sounds similar to how she eats."
"Let me make this clear: I am not diagnosing your wife! I am also not recommending you confront her like that."
"But do observe her after eating."
"You are NTA, and this doesn’t sound like healthy eating." ~ BictorianPizza
Reddit is with you, OP.
You are worried about your wife.
Discussing diet is always stressful.
Perhaps, starting with a couple's therapist could be good finnesse.
Good Luck.
