After a breakup, it can be hard to still be around your ex. If you’re lucky, things won’t be so ruined that you could possibly still be friends.
Forward-Habit8890 on Reddit is lucky enough to be on good terms with her ex, and has even become friends with her ex-husband’s new girlfriend. But this has led to an awkward situation.
The original poster (OP) isn’t sure if she did the right thing since people are mad at her now. To get some perspective, OP asks the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about it.
OP is in a weird position with this story.
“AITA for not allowing my ex husband’s girlfriend to wear my wedding dress?”
Why would she want to wear it?
“I (35F) have been divorced from my (41M) husband for 3 years. We have one son(5) together.”
“My ex (we will call him K) started dating another woman (we will call her G). K and I have a great relationship with each other. We still love each other as friends.”
“K started dating G about 10 months ago. G and I have become really great friends and enjoy being around each other.”
“Everything seemed to be going great until the other day. G and K have started talking about marriage. I know K is really hesitant, but G really wants to be married and have children on her own.”
“I guess G saw some old pictures of me in my wedding dress and has been raving about how pretty my dress is.”
“The other day we had coffee together and G brought up getting married soon. I told her how I happy I was for her.”
“Things changed though when she asked if she could wear MY wedding dress.”
“I was really shocked she even asked. I immediately told her that I was flattered, but no.”
“She immediately got extremely pouty and started to ask why. I explained that I just wasn’t comfortable with her wearing my dress to marry my ex husband.”
“She got really upset and started to cause a scene. I walked out knowing that she was not going to calm down.”
“About an hour later my ex husband called asking what happened. When I told him, he completely understood and was on my side, but it didn’t end there. G has been having her friends and family call me and my work calling me an a**hole for not ‘sharing’.”
“G is claiming that I’m not over K and that I’m just doing this to ruin her wedding. While it’s true that I’m not over K, part of me just doesn’t feel comfortable having her wear my dress.”
“This whole argument has really put a strain on my ex’s and I’s relationship and the relationship around my son. Part of me feels like I should give in, but I still just don’t feel comfortable with it.”
“So, am I the a**hole for not letting her wear my dress?”
OP later added a small update to clarify the situation.
“Edit to add- G told her friends and family that I offered for her to use the dress, but then backed out because I was jealous.”
It’s perfectly understandable why OP might feel weird about her ex-husband’s new girlfriend wanting to wear the same wedding dress, but it’s turning into a huge hassle. Wouldn’t it be easier to just say yes?
Redditors judged whether OP would be wrong to refuse by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP is more than in the right to say no to this request. Societal expectations would agree.
Why G is so obsessed with this dress is unfathomable, it would be better for her to find almost any other dress.
Just because others are being AH, doesn’t mean OP is required to give in.
“NTA”
“Its honestly creepy that she wants to use your dress.. What’s going on in her head that she doesn’t see this as weird?”
“The best advice I can give you is perhaps advise your ex husband to try to encourage her to make buying a dress a big sappy event.”
“Advertise it like it’s a say yes to the dress moment that as a bride she can’t miss out on or something.” – PugRexia
“Honestly, after what G pulled, I think OP just needs to keep her distance. I wouldn’t suggest that OP gives her ex any advice about G, and just focus on coparenting…”
“G may not even be in the picture much longer.”
“OP is NTA, while G sounds unhinged. She is demanding marriage after 10 months of dating, she is throwing a tantrum about her BF’s ex wife’s wedding dress (when it doesn’t even sound like K has proposed), she is a liar, and just seems like the seems of her facade are starting to unravel.” – Electrical-Date-3951
“What the hell? Why on earth would a woman ever want to wear a dress that their partners ex-wife wore?”
“That just boggles my mind. That’s some super bad juju right there.”
“She needs to buy her own dress. She and her family are out of their mind to think that having yours is the right way to do this wedding.”
“Surely she can find another dress that is either the same or similar. Better yet – a dress all of her own. I’d be asking her why she wants to look like you on her wedding day.”
“NTA at all.” – crayzeelikeafox
While some asked about how lenient K has been in his new relationship, others were focused on OP’s response.
She needed to remain firm, there’s no reason G absolutely needs OP’s dress.
“I’m not sure how much of a spine K has, since G seems to be already planning a wedding while he’s hesitant about getting married.”
“And he should be hesitant. G is a steamroller who’s probably concocting this whole brouhaha because she’s worried that K and OP aren’t really done yet.” – calling_water
“Tell her the marriage dissolved so the dress isn’t good luck. She should borrow a dress from someone with a thriving marriage not a dissolved one. Try that?” – Mechai44
“No. Just No. No need for excuses.” – mostimportantly
“Exactly, there’s no need to try to baby her into understanding that. The answer is just no OP and that’s that.”
“She’s insane. Don’t coddle this grown woman.”
“Also your ex husband shouldn’t marry someone and make them step mother to your son if they’re willing to do such madness to you, I.e. flat out lying to her friends and family and siccing them on you, even going as far to harass you at work.”
“They’ve been dating for 10 months, don’t have any kids, and he already isn’t sure about marrying her. He needs to f***ing dump her. In fact, just show him this thread.” – allxand
OP can remain firm in her resolve, but that doesn’t mean things are going to get easier. The idea to have K convince G that picking the dress is a sentimental moment isn’t a bad one.