Even though it's supposed to be fun, sometimes the dating scene feels nothing but hard.
Because sometimes a date or a potential relationship doesn't work out for the lamest of reasons, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Alarmed_Stranger_895 connected with a guy on a dating app, and while some aspects of the first date were promising, his intense focus on himself and his interests set off alarm bells in her mind.
But when they continued to talk about favorite reads and reading methods, the Original Poster (OP) was very surprised when the deal breaker seemed to be their differing audiobook preferences for the reading of the Harry Potter series.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for refusing to double-text a guy who paid for dinner but then ghosted me because I disagreed with his 'Harry Potter' take?"
The OP had just started talking to a guy on a dating app.
"I (30 Female) matched with this guy (30 Male) on Hinge last year, but we never met."
"I ended up taking a break from dating, deleted my account, and recently made a new one. He immediately reached out again after he saw my new profile."
"We actually ended up meeting two weeks ago, and to be fair, he was nice and paid for my dinner."
Some aspects of the first date were less than ideal.
"But the entire time, the conversation felt really one-sided. He talked a lot about himself: his daily 4:00 AM workouts, protein shakes, his 6’3” height/weight, and went on and on about 'Harry Potter,' Marvel, and superhero movies."
"Like… he was very passionate, but also kind of intense."
"He mentioned traveling to Japan and Korea, and when I brought up that I have family in Shanghai and go back to China every year, he didn’t ask me a single question about it. He just kept talking about his own trips and even showed me photos of noodle dishes he ordered… which I’ve eaten a million times. I’ve also been to Japan myself."
The conversation also just kept circling back to Harry Potter.
"Looking back, he learned basically nothing about me besides my 'Harry Potter' opinions."
"He didn’t seem interested in talking about anything outside of superheroes and 'Harry Potter.' It’s weird because he works in finance, so it’s not like he’s a dud or can’t hold a normal conversation."
"After the date, he texted and again recommended I listen to the new 'Harry Potter' full-cast version on Audible."
"He’s been obsessed, and I told him I’ve always loved the Jim Dale audiobooks. But I honestly ended up hating the full-cast version because of all the background noise."
The OP was surprised when that was the deal breaker.
"After I said that… he left me on read. It’s been a week."
"So now I’m like… did I really just get soft-ghosted for disagreeing with him? Or is this just who he is: only interested if you’re aligned with him and his interests?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some questioned why this pair even bothered trying to date each other in the first place.
"It doesn’t sound like either of you really likes the other. Why bother?" - Revolutionary-Cost83
"NOR, but honestly, I spent the entire time reading this wondering why he not contacting her again wouldn't be the best case scenario for her. I think she can do better." - Tiberius_Imperator
"The first date sounds like it was awful. How desperate do you have to be to care that he ghosted you after? NOR, though." - Say_Hennething
"'He works in finance, so it's not like he can't hold a normal conversation.' EXCUSE ME? Finance bros are the absolute worst personalities on dating apps."
"Being in finance is a red flag for me, basically due to plenty of experiences dating guys like the one you described." - KookyLab9624
"Sounds like the worst date ever. But you are considering double-texting him? Seems like the ‘6’3 finance bro’ thing worked for you. Which is completely fine, but don’t be upset if he treats you like crap and uses you. Because he knows he can get away with it." - Immediate_Ganache282
"As a woman in finance, I would NEVER date someone in finance. My ex was in finance and stole ~$15k from me. I get that we’re not all bad people, but I do not mesh with the 'finance' personality. I’m an artist at heart, I just needed a decent income, but I am soooo not passionate about finance."
"In fact, when my boyfriend and I watch anything, and someone starts throwing finance/business terms out, I jokingly scream, 'Noooo!!! I can’t escape it!'"
"I have really no interest beyond my payroll and bookkeeping duties. I pretend to my bosses like I love the industry, but I could not care less about it. My mom pushed me down the business path, and it’s where all my career skills have fallen, but deep down… I just want to paint dog portraits." - ImmaMamaBee
"God, the fact you even care and kept speaking to him is weird, and makes me think this is an ego thing."
"The first date is your opportunity to learn about the other person; he didn't want to learn anything about you."
"WHO CARES if he ghosted you or why? You literally didn't even like him." - -kittisune-
"There’s no way both of y’all are in your 30s. Taking out the ages, if you told me this story, I would have just assumed it was a subplot on 'Degrassi.'" - lilmothman456
Others pointed out that it was a blessing in disguise for the guy to reveal his true self so quickly.
"NOR, but he did you a favor, he didn't bother to learn a single thing about you, and now he just ghosted you because you (checks notes) had a different opinion than him?? Yikes." - natalieisfreezing
"OP just listed a bunch of off-putting stuff about this guy and then wonders why he won't text back. Like, why would you want him to? He seems like a self-centered prick. Let it go." - TricksyGoose
"In my mind, there weren't many redeemable qualities. The one I'm definitely stuck on is that he is talking about his travels, she mentions going to China, and he doesn't ask her a single question?? He can't handle a single difference of opinion??"
"Screw that. He sounds like a self-involved loser." - First-Stress-9893
"I think you know your answer already. Why would you want to be with someone so self-absorbed who doesn't care anything about you? Be happy he ghosted you. Move on." - Tomatillo-5276
"He clearly established with you the things that he values in life and that appears to be himself. You would only be an accessory to this kind of person. Narcissistic and vain." - Pretty-Handle9818
"Why bother wasting any more time thinking about it? It sounds like if he did ghost you, you dodged a bullet. He seems very self-absorbed and not at all compatible with you. You’ll find your person, but I definitely doubt it’s this guy!" - Brief-Increase9066
"A breathtaking favor."
"'He was really self-absorbed and intense and disagreed with me so vehemently about versions of the HP audiobooks that he won’t reply.' Christmas just came early." - Specific_Rando
"Newsflash: He wants an audience, not a relationship. Unless you want to spend your time clapping your hands, move on." - lantana98
Some pointed out that there were also far more interesting conversations and interpretations to be had about Harry Potter.
"I love 'Harry Potter' (not JKR obviously), but this is insane. Like, isn’t it more interesting with people who have varied opinions?? Then you actually have s**t to discuss and talk about like… what a nutty take. OP dodged a bullet for sure." - superlost007
"I have a Deathly Hallows tattoo on my arm, but I actually don't really talk about 'Harry Potter' a lot. In fact, most people don't even know I'm a fan until they see my tattoo. I would rather talk about movies or history." - natalieisfreezing
"'Harry Potter' was big for me as a child, so I definitely get stoked to talk about it IF the other person is down, but it’s more like about the content, how it helped me as a kid, etc. AND I talk about other things." - Phoenix_Mae98
"The totally mad thing is neither of them even mentioned the best audiobook version: Stephen Fry's, of course." - Ok_Bag2395
"I dunno, I love Stephen Fry, but I’m more fond of the Jim Dale ones, too. Though, to be fair, that might be a lot of nostalgia speaking. It also comes down to what kind of narration you prefer in general. Jim Dale acts it out more like a one-man play, where Stephen Fry narrates it (from what I understand, and the clips I’ve heard of him narrating them)." - Christichicc
"He must be the one in Audible advertising constantly pushing the new 'Harry Potter' audiobooks in my feed, in email ads, and in the app."
"It’s getting really annoying. HE is really annoying. Don't date someone who's really annoying, OP. It'll get... really annoying." - i_like_big_mutts
"That is NOT the 'Harry Potter' take disagreement I expected, which makes it even more ridiculous. I thought it would be something potentially meaningful/connected to differing politics or values, not… not liking a specific audiobook."
"NOR, what a loser." - Haunting-Angle-535
"Boring topics. Boring takes."
"The trash took itself out. Why would you want to speak to this human again? He sounds so self-centered, and frankly, that’s so boring. Next!" - FreeStatistician2565
Harry Potter still holds a special place in many people's hearts, largely for its nostalgia during their formative years.
Even still, having such intense opinions about a favorite audiobook recording, favorite film or book, or favorite character arc seems unhealthy if "challenges" to those opinions are relationship-ending.
The fact that this guy went radio silent at the first sign of mild disagreement is concerning, though at least the OP found out before investing real time in the relationship.
