Addiction is not a joke. Or a game.
In this day and age we have made great strides in normalizing the talk of addiction.
It’s a delicate conversation that needs to be addressed. Stigma-Free.
From all angles.
Case in point…
Redditor no_addiction_throw wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to get help for my ‘addiction?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (29 m[ale]) sister (32 f[emale]) thinks I’m addicted to gaming and keeps hounding me to get help.”
“Now she’s starting to get the rest of my family involved, and I’m losing my mind.”
“This began when my ex and I broke up.”
“She and my sister were friends before we dated, and she vented to my sister after our breakup.”
“To hear her tell it, after moving in together, I spent all day on the computer and never had any time for her.”
“When she brought this up, I ignored her and refused to compromise.”
“So she left me so I could date my computer.”
“For my side, she made unreasonable demands on my time and refused to respect the fact that I sometimes want to be alone.”
“But apparently, being in a relationship means I need to be available 24/7, ready to drop whatever I’m doing on command.”
“I realized we were just too different.”
“Before thinking that I was neglectful, here’s a general breakdown my time:”
- “Fairly flexible 40-50 h/wk work schedule, about half from home.”
- “Sleep 6-7 h[ours]/d[ay].”
- “Hygiene, chores, and meals total 3-4 h/d”
- “2-3 h/d on gaming, maybe 3-5 on days off”
“The rest of my time (4-5 h/d) was available for my ex, and because of my flexibility, I worked it out so most of that available time matched hers.”
“The problem, she wanted me available to be with her all the time but didn’t want me to actually be with her all the time.”
“She wanted to choose when and how we were together.”
“Despite this, we still spent 2-3 h/d together (outside when we were already together for meals, sleep, etc).”
“She wanted more but ignored the realities of our schedules.”
“She would constantly come into my home office/gaming room and want me to get off the computer.”
“Sometimes I couldn’t (working), and sometimes I wouldn’t (gaming); she conflated the two and put all the time I didn’t spend with her in the category of gaming.”
“When venting to my sister, it seems she used this conflation to paint the picture of me as a gaming addict.”
“My sister says she’s concerned about my computer time, but I keep telling her I’m fine.”
“A few weeks ago, she sent me a link to a treatment program she looked into.”
“I tried not blowing up and we had a long talk where I got the details of what my ex told her while trying to clarify my side.”
“It didn’t work.”
“She said I’m in denial before mentioning something that mortified me.”
“Apparently, my ex once saw me ‘enjoying’ an adult video game and told my sister.”
“I couldn’t continue that conversation due to embarrassment.”
“But have started to suspect my sister believes my ‘addiction’ is more than just playing games.”
“Last week, I start get calls and texts from my parents and brother.”
“I don’t know what they’ve been told exactly, but they all want me to get help.”
“Trying to explain my side does not work.”
“They get mad at me for ‘ignoring my problem’ and say I’m putting the family under strain by making them worry.”
“I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Is 2-3 hours a day playing video games really too much?”
“Am I not allowed to have time to just be by myself?”
“AITA if I keep insisting I don’t need help?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Would she be as mad if you spent that 2-3 hours a day on the couch watching tv? Probably not.” ~ holigramj56
“OP is def not addicted.”
“And his ex is out of her mind.”
“I stood nude in front of my ex to get his attention from gaming and on us and I got hit with a ‘just after this boss battle.'”
“He was somehow confused when I didn’t wait and went to put my clothes back on.”
“Doing the math OP seems to just be trying to have some time to himself to unwind and then time with a partner 100% reasonable.”
“Sounds like this girl got dumped and wants to make op look bad when there was nothing to really complain about from her end.” ~ GundamGirl94
“Seriously not an addiction.”
“My husband spends that much when he can and I knit.”
“I knit for more than 2-3 hours every day, so I have a knitting addiction?”
“Your sister is being soooo over the top.” ~ Glitterasaur
“I knit and game.”
“Can’t quite figure out how to do both at the same time.”
“But, that is how I unwind. Some Sims 4, Animal Crossing, or knitting.”
“OP, NTA. 2-3 hours a day is not an addiction.”
“My teenager plays the moment he gets home from school to when he goes to bed and would play all day on the weekends if we let him.”
“That is an addiction.”
“You are a functioning adult who unwinds with gaming.”
“Your family is freaking out over nothing.” ~ Emotional_Fan_7011
“NTA OP I seriously have a vendetta against people like that.”
“Why doesn’t she try gaming as well and play games with you?”
“That’s what my partner and I do.”
“Sometimes we wanna play different things and that’s okay but we aren’t ever like what she was.”
“Be glad she’s gone and tell your family they clearly don’t care about how you feel if they believe her (not their family) over you.”
“God your family reeks of enabling manipulative and toxic behavior.”
“She can get over herself and stop playing victim.”
“Sincerely, woman who games with her partner instead of getting pissed that he isn’t ‘spending time’ with me.” ~ LeviTheNeko
“I am not a fan of being on the computer gaming BUT what if you worked out at the gym 2-3 hours a day, or went for a run, or worked in a workshop?”
“No one would say you are addicted to those things. Gaming is your hobby.”
“It sounds like you two aren’t compatible (as you stated), so try using analogies with your sister.”
“You don’t owe anyone an explanation but it may help her worry less.”
“Also she needs to be on your side, not your exes!” ~ Responsible_Candle86
“Exactly this. It’s a completely unfair double standard.”
“You’re NTA, and what you choose to do with your (I’m guessing fairly introverted) time to yourself is entirely your call.”
“If your family members aren’t willing to listen to your side of the story or see reason, then stop associating with them.”
“They don’t have to live your life: you do.”
“Game your little heart out and have fun while doing so.”
“We don’t know how long we’re going to be here, so might as well enjoy the ride.” ~ ScathingHagfish
“You’re NTA for being a gamer and spending time enjoying your hobby.”
“I’m (34F) also a gamer, for reference.”
“So that being said – you’re very unlikely to find a non-gamer adult woman who wants to be in a relationship with someone who has a 2-3 hr/day commitment to gaming.”
“In fact, I was a pretty hardcore gamer for a few years, and even I would not date someone with your habits.”
“Some people are saying ‘would anyone have an issue if you were going to the gym instead?”
“The answer, actually, is yes.”
“I was in that situation, had an ex who worked out 2-3 hours per day as a rule and was very inflexible about moving it and refused to skip days.”
“It was not okay, and contributed to many fights.”
“So, you really need to decide what kind of lifestyle you want to lead.”
“Is gaming 2-3 hours a day okay while you’re single?”
“Sure, who cares. But do you want to be single forever?”
“You’re very unlikely to be able to maintain that gaming schedule while participating in an adult relationship.”
“I can certainly see why your ex thought you were an AH if you refused to get off of the computer to spend time with her multiple days a week.” ~ ASleepandAForgetting
“NTA. The second you say ‘I spend 2-3 hrs a day playing games’ everyone goes bananas.”
“But if you said you spend 2-3 hrs a day watching TV, reading a book, doing a hobby, or whatever no one gives a sh*t.”
“Your sister needs to stay in her lane.” ~ Mofukin_Irisden
“NTA. I read books probably 2-3 hours a day for fun, also occasionally play games.”
“I don’t really see the difference, it’s how you relax, decompress.”
“As long as you’re not devoting every free hour you have and never spending time with others, I don’t see the problem.”
“Ask your family if you were reading instead of gaming, would they consider that an addiction?” ~ BathStock166
Well OP has Reddit as support.
Sounds like OP should go over these messages with his sister and family.
And tell the ex move as it seems he has.