Comments on a person’s weight are bad enough when they come from family and friends. But when the commentary comes from a coworker, it’s a whole other level of inappropriate.
A woman on Reddit recently found herself in this situation ending up embroiled in drama with her coworker, and wasn’t sure she handled it quite right. So she asked the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the name mindyourowndiet on Reddit, asked:
“AITA for telling my coworker to mind her own business or I will report her to HR?”
She explained:
“I (27F[emale]) have been obese for majority of my life. My highest weight was 92kg and I am 164cm.”
“My parents tried to instill good habits in my childhood but I got addicted to junk food in my teenage years.”
“It was a big struggle to lose weight since. Last year I finally managed to get my eating habits under control.”
“I eat one meal a day (OMAD) but it is a big meal that is satisfying and balanced. Usually I have rice with a side of vegetables, eggs and one type of meat.”
“Sometimes if I feel like it I will also have an avocado shake or some fruits. I fast for the rest of the day.”
“There are other reasons why I follow this diet. I have terrible acid reflux that makes me nauseous if I eat anything in the morning and at night.”
“Keeping my meals to the afternoon period (1-4pm) has helped me to control this. Before this the nausea would get so bad that I would have to get off the bus to vomit on the way to work.”
“Haven’t had this issue since I started this diet. I reached my goal weight and have been maintaining this diet since.”
“For some reason my diet immensely bothers my co worker, Rachel. She always has something to say about my food.”
“Some of the things she said: ‘it looks boring’, ‘doesn’t it get boring to eat the same thing everyday?’, ‘I feel sad looking at your diet’, ‘a donut isn’t going to hurt your weight loss’, etc…”
“We only worked in office until April 2020 before lockdown started. After April we were working from home so I didn’t have to deal with her comments anymore.”
“We have not stepped foot into office until this year January. Many of my co workers were shocked at my transformation.”
“Rachel has started her nonsense comments again saying my diet is unhealthy, restrictive and that I am ‘too thin’. I have told her multiple times to stop commenting on my food and body as it is not appropriate, but it seems like she cannot stop herself from saying something.”
“I have even changed my lunch hours so that I don’t have to eat lunch around her.”
“Yesterday I snapped as she was purposely talking very loud about me to another co-worker, talking about how I have disordered eating and am ‘too thin’. It seems as if she wanted me and the rest of the office to hear.”
“I walked over and said very loudly that she needs to mind her own business and that if she doesn’t stop with her comments on my weight or diet that I will go straight to HR. Her face changed and you could hear a pin drop in the office.”
“Majority of my co-workers support me. However, there are 2 other people that have come forward saying they think I am too thin and they were concerned and that I was too harsh on Rachel.”
“I told them that I will also report them to HR if they don’t mind their own business. For the record my weight is in the healthy BMI range.”
“I haven’t heard a thing from Rachel today.”
“When I told my mom she thinks I massively overreacted and that they are still getting used to the thinner me.”
“AITA?”
OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong using the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Their response was nearly unanimous.
“NTA. Telling the person to stop is actually HR’s first recommendation.”
“Document what you can if it happens again.” —17217
“Document as much as you remember, not just everything from now. And when you talk to HR, because it doesn’t sound like this will stop, be sure to use phrasing like ‘commenting on my body and health.’”
“That makes it clear this is both in the realm of sexual harassment and disability/health related.” —Alternative_Year_340
“I think you should go to HR now. If it’s gotten to the point that you have to confront a person loudly, you need to get your story in first. NTA.” —usernaym44
“NTA… If they were genuinely concerned with you, they wouldn’t be talking about how ‘bland’ your food is. If they were genuinely concerned, they would have approached you as someone concerned, not as someone sh*t talking your food.” —astareastar
“Nta, but I wouldn’t wait to report it to hr. It is something that should be brought to their attention, if it’s been an ongoing issue, and if other people are starting to agree with her.” —whitewer
“NTA. They do not need to “get used” to you at any weight. Commenting about your body is inappropriate anytime, but doing so to a third party and loudly in the office especially is not done out of concern, but a desire to shame.” —bethfromHR
“NTA. Frankly if she was concerned she should have brought it up with you ONCE in private, then when you told her to stay out of it, she should have stayed out of it. Talking to your coworkers about you was inappropriate. That goes from honest concern to gossip. You were not in the wrong.” —Jumpyropes
“NTA. Commenting on other people’s bodies is never, ever ok.”
“Please go to HR and get this behaviour on record so if she ever does this to you or anyone else something can be done.” —snow_whiteish
The moral of the story?
Nobody needs your unsolicited two cents about their body. Keep it to yourself.