Fortunately, in 2023, people are getting better about providing forever homes for their pets when they commit to bringing a new furry loved one home.
But there are still instances where a pet is not a good match for a home, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, in which case they need to be carefully and thoughtfully rehomed.
But Redditor West-Lavishness7428 refused to rehome their dog, even though the dog was not getting enough exercise and frequently escaped their backyard.
When their future wife refused to help search for the dog anymore, the Original Poster (OP) thought she was being heartless.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for screaming at my pregnant fiancée for not helping me find my dog, who had run off?”
The OP felt conflicted about a recent issue.
“My fiancée (28 Female) is currently five months pregnant and has been both fatigued and nauseous lately.”
“I get why she didn’t want to help me look for the dog, but I can’t get over the lack of empathy and borderline selfish behavior of this either.”
The OP’s dog was a chronic escaper.
“My dog (a six-year-old Heeler/Corgi mix) runs off at least once a week.”
“Usually, my fiancée will help me find her, but it’s not without protest.”
“I honestly didn’t even know how she was getting out of our fenced yard, so I installed cameras and found that she was scaling the eight-foot fence. I ended up attaching ‘spinners’ to the top of the fence, thinking that would solve the issue, but it didn’t.”
“I brought her out today and was playing with her when my phone rang. I was inside just long enough to grab my phone, and my dog had gotten out.”
During the most recent escape, the OP wanted their fiancée to help search.
“I immediately went in search of her, thinking she couldn’t have gotten far, but I couldn’t find her anywhere, so I went back to the house and asked my fiancée, who was curled up on the sofa, to come to help me.”
“She immediately said no. She said she was tired of chasing the dog, that she isn’t dealing with it anymore, and that I should have been out there watching her.”
“I explained to her that I had been watching her and simply stepped away for two seconds to grab my phone just inside the sliding door, and she had escaped.”
“She again said it wasn’t her problem, and she’s not exhausting herself anymore to search for my dog.”
“I won’t even say it was unexpected because, as I said, in the past, she has always had a problem with helping me search, but she’s never said no. She just complained about it.”
The OP asking their fiancée for help again led to an argument.
“At first, I went and searched for myself. After maybe a half hour, I came back and asked her again to come to help me.”
“She snapped, ‘I said no! I am so tired of chasing that dog around multiple times a week when I’m already exhausted and throwing up constantly.'”
“I was panicked and unleashed some yelling, which involved me telling her she was a b***h who lacked empathy and that I was thoroughly disappointed with my decision to be with someone so heartless.”
“It was out of pure fear and panic on my part, and I did apologize later after I found my dog, but she said, ‘Go f**k yourself,’ and won’t talk to me.”
“Was I in the wrong?”
“Everyone is on my side except my sister, who says I’m a ‘f**king pr**k,’ because it’s not my pregnant fiancée’s responsibility to ‘chase around my f**king mutt.'”
“She pointed out that she would have left immediately if her boyfriend ever said what I did to her.”
“And for the record, I don’t think my sister is an AH. She’s p**sed because this is the only time my fiancée hasn’t helped me search for the dog, and I immediately turned to yell at her.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the OP needed to be a more responsible dog owner.
“I’ve had three huskies. My first husky got out about 10 times over 10 years. Each time I learned more about his behavior and adjusted. My second and third huskies have never gotten out.”
“If your dog is getting out once a week, YOU are the problem. Honestly, given this lack of training and OP’s willful blindness, I’m worried for that baby’s safety.”
“You have four months to turn this around. Get a trainer familiar with high-intensity breeds and children, and don’t make your pregnant fiancee deal with YOUR laziness.”
“YTA.” – Pippi-Skye1648
“What if the dog gets out while OP is home alone with the baby, or the baby is in the tub or something? Does he just leave the baby alone to chase after the dog?”
“The same goes for his fiancée. Does he expect her to leave their baby alone in the house while the two of them take off through the neighborhood to corral Fido?”
“OP needs to get this under control, now!” – SirJaimeRegrets
“Your fiancee’s pregnancy makes this worse, but really is immaterial to the problem. You should not own a dog. I had one who climbed vertical fences, and by the time we managed to keep him contained, my yard looked like something out of a grade-B women’s prison movie.”
“We had to install electric barbed wire above an 8′ chain fence and railroad ties around the perimeter to prevent digging out. Not pretty, but the dog was SAFE. It does NOT take years to accomplish this. Nowadays, there are very effective and humane electric fence options, also.”
“Your fiancee’ is justifiably tired of having to help you chase down a dog you are too lazy to care for properly. YTA.” – Entire_Ad2058
“Your carelessness will cause your dog to run away. It’s selfish to expect your pregnant fiancée to check on your dog at least once a week because you’re too lazy actually to take care of it. Do not leave it unattended. You already know what will happen if you leave her alone, so please stop.” – tribbles
“If he can’t watch a dog, he certainly won’t be able to watch a toddler. Toddlers are escape artists and vanish in a blink and can get into really dangerous situations… Like disappearing into a crowded mall or just wandering straight into a busy road…”
“I wouldn’t trust this man with any living, breathing creature, let alone a child.”
“He either needs to get his excrement together and start paying attention, or he won’t be allowed around his own child unsupervised and could lose his dog for good…” – exciting_grocery_223
Others were disgusted with how the OP had spoken to their fiancée.
“Aren’t Heelers working dogs who need a LOT of exercises?”
“If all you do with a working dog is watch it while it wanders your backyard, you are not properly taking care of your dog. The repeated escapes were a sign that your dog needed more exertion opportunities from you.”
“Your fiancée is correct. This isn’t her problem. It’s yours. It’s your dog. Your lack of training. Your lack of meeting your dog’s needs.”
“What do you expect will happen with the weekly escapes when the baby is here? Are you going to scream at her for not waking up a newborn to go chase your dog yet again because you still aren’t taking good enough care of the breed you chose?”
“I’m honestly confused why your fiancée hasn’t just left as your sister and I would have. YTA.” – LimitlessMegan
“Most dogs don’t typically scale 8ft fences to run away from home on the regular. Sounds like the dog is bored, under-exercised, and under-stimulated. Which is even more likely considering the breed of dog.”
“YTA for not only being a massive jerk to your wife for something that is 1000% your fault… but also for getting a high energy working breed that you clearly can’t take care of properly.” – octopushands
“I’d leave you over this yelling, 100%. This is abusive behavior that is not excused by the fact you were panicking.”
“You clearly have no idea how to keep your dog from running away, but that is NOT your fiancée’s problem, and if I were her, I’d be utterly sick of you, too. YTA.” – ImStealingTheTowels
“I’d rather be single than deal with this. Also, I am sure his fiancée knows that partner violence often begins during pregnancy, so suddenly becoming verbally abusive about a common issue is really alarming.” – wildferalfun
“YTA. I feel badly she is having a child with someone who has a dog escape from the yard once a week and insists the pregnant, nauseated fiancé help locate the dog.”
“Get it together, man. Kids are a lot harder to care for than dogs.” – JMLKO
“Given his behavior about the dog, I’m pretty sure if anything comes up with the child that is overwhelming for Op, he will just blame the fiancée and make her handle it.”
“Also, it’s very hypocritical of him to demand empathy from his fiancée when he clearly has zero empathy for her. This guy is just a bag of yikes.” – NanoPsyBorg
“I totally understand why the dog doesn’t want to be there. The fiancée should follow suit.” – lasting-impression
The subReddit was appalled by the OP’s priorities, especially since they seemed to be prioritizing their future wife’s health and even their dog’s safety after the prioritization of simply finding the dog.
If the OP took the proper precautions for the dog, they wouldn’t need to catch them so often or place blame on their partner for it.