Content Warning: Biology of Attraction, Primal Attraction, Primal Side Activation, Consent
There are all kinds of things that excite people and make them feel closer to and hotter for their partner.
But it's important to always get a partner's consent before trying anything new, challenged the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Agitated-Accountants had been dating her first boyfriend for the past six months and thought things were going well, until her mother made an unfortunate discovery about her boyfriend's actions. Making that discovery made her question if she could still look at her boyfriend in the same way.
But when she found out why her boyfriend behaved the way he did, the Original Poster (OP) knew there was no going back.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for being disgusted after I caught my boyfriend peeing in the sink?"
The OP had her boyfriend over for a visit while her mother was away.
"I (22 Female) am a bit of a late bloomer. I started dating my boyfriend (26 Male) around six months ago."
"This is my first relationship, so I don’t know if this is a normal thing that guys do?"
"I live with my mom. She went away for a week on a business trip, and I invited my boyfriend over to stay with me since I don’t like being alone. We have a camera in the kitchen, because our housekeeper once yoinked a few things from the fridge."
The OP's mother caught the OP's boyfriend in an unsavory act.
"My boyfriend and I both have remote jobs. We were set up in my bedroom, and my boyfriend excused himself to the bathroom. I didn’t think much of it. He came back a few minutes later. Whatever. Normal behaviour."
"But then my mom sent me footage of him peeing in the kitchen sink a few hours ago."
"I’m stunned. There were plates and cups in the sink. He didn’t even properly scrub it. Just a quick rinse."
The OP wasn't sure she could look her boyfriend in the same way after that.
"I’m honestly disgusted and don’t know what to do. Is this normal? I’ve never been around men much in my life. My dad isn’t in the picture."
"So far, our relationship has been really good. He treats me well, is loving and caring, and remembers small details about me. It’s the type of relationship I dreamt about as a kid."
"But this just shattered that dream. I don’t know if I can get past this. I haven’t confronted him yet."
"I guess I just wanted a second opinion. Or third. My mom says it’s nasty, but she’s letting me decide what to do."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some were equal parts alarmed and disgusted by the discovery.
"NOR. In the kitchen sink?! With dishes still in it?! NOOOOO."
"I don't even wash my HANDS in my kitchen sink if there are dishes in it. (I guess I do when I'm cooking, but not when they're actually DIRTY.)" - Awkward_Stuff5516
"I thought it would be the bathroom sink, which is already a bit gross, because why, if you have a toilet and you brush your teeth there. But the f**kking kitchen sink? WITH THE DISHES STILL IN IT??? What the actual f**k?!" - cheesypuzzas
"Like others who have commented, I also assumed he used the bathroom sink, and even THAT was a giant what the f**k for me."
"But the kitchen sink? Full of dishes? Bigger what the f**k. Breakup-worthy what the f**k."
" Definitely NOR, who the h**l does that? And to make this even worse, surely he passed a bathroom on his way to the kitchen, since he was coming from a bedroom?" - Dull-Bed-7557
"I'm speechless. I wouldn’t even do that in my own home, let alone my... girlfriend's... mother's... house. What the actual..." - Elegant_Progress_686
"Please break up immediately. I don't care what he was thinking. NOR." - Interesting_Age_167
Others pointed out that there had to be something bigger going on here, and it likely wasn't anything good.
"I would literally kick any man out of my entire life if he even tried that ONCE. What the actual f**k? My dogs aren’t even that bad!!"
"They’ve never even peed on a rug; they go in the kitchen if they have an accident. A HUMAN like that is literal trash. Who would put up with that?!" - falooolah
"There is no way to come back from this. There isn't anything he would be able to do or say to convince a reasonable person that what he did was okay. It's a deal breaker. Distance yourself from this guy." - WrappedInLinen
"He’s disgusting. It is probably some fetish he has to pee on your things or have you ingest it without knowing. Dump and move on to better! Good luck." - Any-Sock-3611
"You're not overreacting. That's disgusting and bizarre to do outside of any kind of emergency, and even then, you're a dude, and the world outside is your toilet."
"What if you went to thaw meat in the sink, knowing it was clean from last use? It's unsanitary to say the very least, but my honest question is why? The bathroom wasn't out of order, and with most house layouts, you would pass the bathroom along the way to the kitchen. Was he marking his territory?"
"Just because you started dating late doesn't mean you should settle for someone who disrespects you, your home in which he was invited into, or the home in which your mother worked hard to provide."
"Dude's trash." - International_Echo66
"NOR. Ten years ago, I told one of my best friends to dump her boyfriend because he kept getting drunk and peeing specifically on her shoes every time."
"We lost contact for a variety of reasons, including the fact that I didn’t approve of their marriage for numerous reasons."
"But she reached out to me last week and said she’d filed for divorce."
"He pees on literally everything she owns when he gets mad at her. All her clothing, both hung and in drawers, shoes… his favorite thing is to p**s into home decor she loves and then tell her point blank to clean it up."
"I’m just saying." - FearlessAmphibian936
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update that made the situation feel even worse.
"I broke up with him. It wasn’t a hard decision after reading all the comments."
"Peeing in a sink disgusting behaviour, and it’s extremely disrespectful. Not just to me, but my mom as well. Everyone who said I’m overreacting and that it’s normal behaviour, you are WEIRD!"
"I decided to confront him to see what he would say about it anyway."
"I made us some lunch, and then we went out to eat on the balcony. I had no idea how to bring this up. I’m not usually confrontational or blunt, so this was all new territory."
"I must’ve been acting strange because he asked me what was wrong. And that was as good an opening as I’ll ever get. I just flat-out asked him if he peed in my sink."
"People mentioned he might get upset and lash out. I was fully preparing myself for that, ready to dip at the first sign of violence or something. I did not expect him to break down crying. Full body sobs, curled in on himself, pulling his hair."
"I was speechless. I have never seen him like this before."
"He kept repeating, ‘I’m sorry, I'm sorry, I’m sorry.’ He was on the verge of like… hyperventilating or something."
"I wasn't about to comfort him until I got a proper explanation. I asked him why he did it. He calmed down after a while and started explaining."
"Guys, I don’t even know how to type out what he said. I’m just stunned."
It all sounded like something out of a "fated mates" supernatural romance, but without consent.
"Apparently, there’s a whole community out there dedicated to getting in touch with your more primal animalistic side. It’s not like those toxic misogynistic alpha male gurus, though. Well, I suppose it is still kinda toxic. Running through the forest barefoot, howling at the moon? That's fine. That's whatever. But this?"
"He asked one of these guys how to attract my primal side more. This guy gave him a list of things so insane. I don't know how he thought this was okay. He has never discussed any of this with me before. I didn't even know he was part of it."
"This guy recommended that after a long day of working, exercising, and sweating, he rub his body odour on some of my things. This counted as not only marking his territory, but also me constantly inhaling his 'scent' will 'strengthen our fated bond.' And the peeing on the plates and cutlery..."
"Apparently, his 'pheromones' will subconsciously make me want him more. It would make me feral and have me jumping him every second of the day. Not only is this extremely gross, but it’s also crossing my boundaries."
"I suppose I am a bit of a prude, because I haven’t slept with him yet. Nothing against him. I was just exposed to really inappropriate things as a kid, and I’m scared of intimacy. He told me he’s okay with that. He’d wait as long as I needed to be comfortable."
"This guy is mentally ill! There are so many other things I can't even mention because it'll surely get this post removed. But at the end of the day, this guy was deliberately peeing on my plates to seduce me."
"I told him to get the fuck out of my house. I told him he should be ashamed of himself. I told him we are over and to never contact me again. He started crying again and tried to apologise."
"I gave him 10 minutes to collect all his things before I called my neighbour (police officer). He gathered his things, got in his car, and left."
"I called my mom and cried for like a solid hour. She's coming home from her trip early and taking me to Build-a-Bear. Childish, I know. I don't care. It's comforting."
Then the OP had to explain everything to her ex's mother, of all people.
"But guys, I thought it would be the end here. I thought this nightmare was over."
"I got a phone call from his mom a few minutes ago. He went to his parents’ house in tears, telling them that I broke his heart and called him a disgusting pig. He was there acting like he was some victim."
"She luckily just wanted to hear my side of the story. He didn’t even tell his mom why I dumped him!"
"Safe to say, she was equally as grossed out and disappointed. She apologised and even offered to replace our plates. I just told her that I want them out of my life. Please keep your son away from me!"
"I wish this wasn’t true. I know how crazy insane it sounds. I have cried myself red in the face. I want to wake up from this nightmare. I wish this wasn’t my f**king life. But alas…"
"Who knows, maybe one day he’ll find a girl who’s into that, but that girl is not me."
"That was so gross. I’m gonna throw out everything that was in the sink, wash all my stuff three times, take a long shower, book myself a therapy session, and just… I’m going to bed."
Fellow Redditors were just as disgusted as the OP and urged her to do something to make herself feel better after all of this.
"What the f**k?! I thought it was the bathroom sink, but I saw the original post, and it was actually the kitchen sink with dishes?"
"That's 27429372847 times more disgusting Oh my f**king god." - -bluerose-
"It's truly a terrible day to be literate. I need to delete this app." - Adventurous-Rice-830
"I'm 100% convinced that the advice some of these toxic manosphere sites spew out is DESIGNED to make men undatable. Peeing on someone's possessions to 'seduce' them is right up there in crazytown with 'wiping your a** is gay,' and as awful as 'insult her looks all the time so she'll be miserable and won't think she can do better.'"
"The guys who follow advice like that end up driving away any woman they might otherwise have a chance with, which makes them lonelier and angrier, which, for some reason, drives them right back to the sites that gave them the advice in the first place. Destroying relationships for ad revenue, what a timeline we live in." - Fandragon
"This is the way. Teach these dipshits that listening to and obeying manosphere weirdos will make them incels."
"Some of them will just get angrier and double down, but if we women can just achieve a united front on this and stop rewarding nutjobs with sex and companionship, that's the quickest way to extinguish the bulls**t."
"My favorite part of this post is his mom calling up, thinking she gon' tell this bi**h a thing or two, and ending up like OH MY GOD, WHAT THE F**K, can I replace your dishes. I would pay to be a fly on the wall of their house after she hung up with you." - SuburbaniteMermaid
"Wow. What an update. Proud of you, OP, for how you handled this. And I hope you got the CUTESTTTT bear from Build a Bear." - LadyMogMog
"I did not read your original post, and having read this update, I don’t need to read the original."
"Bravo to you for handling this, not falling for his crybaby act, not giving him 'another chance' to do something gross and unsanitary to get you to love him, and for breaking up with him over just one disgusting, disturbing behavior rather than allowing him to continue to use and abuse you."
"I applaud you for standing up and saying NO, not in my house, not in my relationship."
"The fact that he went crying to his mother that you broke his heart for no reason just adds another layer to why you should never again be with that man. (I am so glad you didn’t have sex with him.)"
"You did NOR. You handled this just right, and the end result of you breaking up with him was perfect. Well done. I salute you."
"Now, go buy new dishes!!" - BecGeoMom
The subReddit was so thoroughly grossed out, they might need to wash their hands, their eyeballs, and their memories before proceeding with additional stories.
Fortunately, the OP wasn't in this relationship for long and did not do anything in the relationship that she would regret. Finding this out early was disgusting but a blessing, so that she didn't waste any more time or accidentally reuse those dishes.
