Content Warning: Drinking, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Alcohol-Free Shaming
There are countless different ways to have fun, enjoy yourself, and make great memories with the people that you love.
But people who are more dependent on alcohol to help them loosen up can really struggle to fathom how someone could have a good time without it, cringed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Quirkygoo chose not to drink for the simple reason that she didn't really enjoy it, and because she could enjoy things perfectly well without the addition of alcohol.
When her close friend was getting married, the Original Poster (OP) was uncomfortable with how much the bride pushed for her to drink throughout her celebration, despite knowing her preferences.
She asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for not drinking at my friend's wedding?"
The OP selectively chose not to drink.
"To begin, I'll admit I'm mostly coming here because I'm just really confused."
"I don't drink at all. Not for any big reason, but all my friends know this."
"Leah and I have been good friends since middle school, so when she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, I was excited."
"Her wedding was Saturday evening, but everything started on Friday night. Her family hosted a dinner for all of us, and being a part of the wedding party, I attended."
The OP was surprised by how she was pressured to drink at the event.
"Throughout the night, I was offered drinks, but I always declined. At some point, shots were given to the entire table to toast to the couple, and I just took the shot glass they handed to me to go along with it."
"After everyone took their shots, Leah looked at me and said, 'You're really not going to drink that?'"
" I just told her no, but if she wanted it, she could have it. It was going to go to waste with me, so if someone else wanted it, then it was all theirs."
"She stared at me for a few seconds and said back, 'Do you seriously have to start this right now?'"
"I was confused because I didn't know what she expected me to do. Besides, she's aware I don't drink, so I don't really know what she meant by that."
As the festivities continued, the OP became increasingly uncomfortable.
"Come the wedding day, the Maid of Honor (MOH) was making mimosas for everyone and asked me if I wanted one. As usual, I declined."
"Drinks were given throughout the day, but I always said no whenever offered one."
"Eventually, when all the bridesmaids were getting ready, one of the other girls asked me if I didn't drink at all, and I said yes."
"That prompted a few of the girls to ask why. I understand that it's odd to meet people who don't drink, so naturally, questions will be asked. I just explained that it wasn't my cup of tea, and we moved on."
"I will say, for the rest of the time, while we were getting ready, I was still asked if I would like any, but I kept saying no."
"In case it matters, I wouldn't have been able to drink anyway. I was driving myself to and from the wedding, so drinking either way was out of the question."
"Then, at the wedding, Leah's photographer and videographer asked us to take glasses of wine they set up for us and to chug them. I was at the far end of the line they had us in, so I just pretended to drink mine"
" One of the other girls offered to take mine afterwards, so I dumped what was in my glass into hers."
"Leah saw this and told me, 'You know, it isn't going to f**king kill you just to drink it. It's just a drink. No different from water or apple juice.'"
The OP was very confused by how Leah treated her throughout the wedding.
"I thought about it all day yesterday, and I'm just wondering if I missed something?"
"I talked to my best friend about it, and she said she wasn't sure why any of that would be upsetting to Leah, but she also doesn't drink."
"So I'm not sure if there's something to this that either of us is not understanding."
"I'm not sure if I made Leah upset somehow, but I plan to ask her later. She's on her honeymoon until next Sunday, so I won't be hearing from her anytime soon."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were equally confused about why Leah was so set on the OP drinking.
"'Do you seriously have to start this right now?'"
"'Leah saw this and told me, 'You know, it isn't going to f*cking kill you just to drink it. It's just a drink. No different from water or apple juice.'"
"Why is she so set on you drinking? She's literally trying to pressure you into it. That's not good behavior from someone who claims to be your friend."
"NTA. You don't drink, and your 'friend' doesn't respect your personal choice." - IamIrene
"This was all very disrespectful. Especially as OP was absolutely not making it an issue at all. She didn't judge, she just declined quietly and didn't even ask for any non-alcoholic drinks, instead requiring not the tiniest bit of additional effort for anyone else. I don't get the bride's deal at all." - GloriouslyGrimGoblin
"I've noticed it's almost always drinkers trying to coerce others into drinking. I don't drink. It's empty calories, and I don't like the taste. There are so many yummy things I'd rather eat."
"I don't care if people drink as long as they are responsible. You were not trying to stop anyone else from drinking. It's really disrespectful that anyone made this non-issue a big deal. NTA." - fancyandfab
"I fault her for asking for you. It is not a hard thing to remember about a friend."
"Do you think it would be okay for someone to ask, every meal they have with a vegan friend, if they're really sure they don't maybe want some meat this time, either?"
"Or would that feel extremely weird after a while. Like that person is pressuring the other. Would it be a 'don't fault them for asking for the 1,357th time' kind of vibe? Especially at an event, where you can simply obtain your own drink if you do want one."
"No one should care this deeply about what someone else is putting in their body." - FullMoonTwist
"I'm just puzzled by the fact that this 'friend,' who's well aware of OP's choices, doesn't go out of her way to make sure there are tasty non-alcoholic beverages available at her social events. Like, that's failing Friendship 101."
"Bonus points for drinks that match the alcoholic ones for the photos!"
"As a fellow non-drinker, I'll add that I've found adults way worse in terms of peer pressure. In high school, people just accepted my choices. For some reason, a lot of grownups can't get their heads around the idea of choosing not to drink." - Clean-Patient-8809
Others theorized that Leah felt threatened or judged when she was around the OP.
"NTA. She’s taking it extremely personally, and I would bet any amount of money that she thinks (and has probably shared with others) that you think you’re better than them for not drinking." - collaredd
"Drinkers want non-drinkers to drink to justify their own alcohol consumption."
"We had a neighbor/friend who was a recovering alcoholic. They were very social, and he always held on to a glass of ginger ale, and people did not nag him. Nobody should have to do that to keep people from nagging them to drink, but it worked for him." - Nonnie0224
"I'm also a non-drinker, and on the very rare occasion someone mocks me or pressures me, I take a page from the 'Traumatize Them Back' subreddit: I have kidney disease, so yes, one drink could very literally kill me. Want to come to the hospital with me when it happens?"
"That shuts them right up. I shouldn't have to do that, though, and the OP shouldn't have to justify herself." - Aggravating-Sock6502
"Most likely she's questioning her relationship with alcohol and/or had it questioned, and OP not drinking is making it obvious that people can be perfectly happy not drinking." - B3Gay_DoCr1m3s
"I'm willing to bet that at least one other person has commented on her issues with alcohol, and that's what's driving her."
"I live in Japan, land of the work drinking culture, and even here, the instant someone says they're not drinking, it's respected. They start offering tea and sodas instead, because pressing beverages is still the culture, but it's non alcoholic beverages." - NihilisticHobbit
"You know she orchestrated the photo with the bridesmaids chugging just to get you to drink, don't you?"
"It's not a normal photo request, and she's making this a mighty big deal."
"Going forward, if offered a mimosa, ask for a virgin one (plain orange juice). At any place with a bar, ask for a Shirley Temple, or a glass of club soda with a twist of lemon or lime. It will have bubbles and look like you're partaking."
"But she's not a very good friend, to be honest." - blondeheartedgoddess
"You not drinking isn’t a 'you' issue. It’s very much a 'her' issue."
"You’ll can look up signs of problem drinking online if that’s a conversation you want to have with her."
"Personally, I’d just ignore what happened and not bring it up unless she asks. Remind her that it’s a personal choice that you don’t drink, haven’t in years/ever, and you appreciate that she offered you a drink. If she pushes, you would be well within the bounds of polite behaviour to question her as to why she is pushing you to drink."
"In the future, if you wish to avoid conflict, just claim that you’re taking a medication where you can’t have alcohol at all. You shouldn’t have to lie, but it may be the social grease you need to avoid situations."
"If you had another situation like the one set up by the photographer, a quiet word with them should get them to swap out the wine for 7Up, ginger ale, or Coke, so that the colour looks the same in the photo."
"NTA… your friend, however, is one. (From a fellow non-drinker.)" - CAD_3039
The subReddit was very taken aback by how the OP was treated by such an old friend, especially regarding something that all of her friends already knew about her. It might be slightly understandable if she'd just recently given up drinking after drinking for years, and her friend group was still adjusting to it.
But the fact that this had been her preference all along gave her friends, truly, no excuse to try to find a workaround.
But how nasty the bride was toward the OP was especially alarming. Shaming her during toasts and photo shoots, and even having the gall to say that alcohol is no different than any other drink, screams of projection, inferiority, and absolutely not friendship.
