Sibling rivalry is a normal course of childhood development. But if a person harbors such feelings well into adulthood, they should probably seek help from a therapist.
A sibling whose sister can't get past the attention they received as a child because of a disability turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared
TryOriginal5477 asked:
"AITAH for telling my sister I don't have the looks to sleep my way to the top after she called me a DEI hire?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I had a traumatic brain injury as a child. It left me with some physical impairments as well as slurred speech. My sister has always thought I used my condition to get extra attention from our parents and at school."
"My face is scarred up and my skull has a weird dent. I'm not a model. My sister is very beautiful."
"My sister married her boss. I believe they did everything right. Before anything started they went to their company HR and she was transferred to a different office. He had no direct control over her employment."
"I have worked for my dad since I got out of university. It works for me because I didn't have to interview and I can have lunch with the boss sometimes. At work we have a professional relationship and I don't take advantage."
"I was recently headhunted by a company my dad does business with. They were impressed with the level of work that was coming out of our shop. I talked to my dad about it and he said he would be sad to see me go, but the next step up at his company was his job and he wasn't going anywhere. So I had his blessing."
"I accepted the job and my dad threw me a going away party. All of the employees were invited and family and friends. My sister was there with her family."
"It was a great time until she decided to pipe up that my accident had helped me get ahead again. That I was a DEI hire and only got the job because I checked off so many spots in the checklist."
"I always knew how she felt about mom and dad giving me so much of their time after the accident. But they never ignored her. She got extracurriculars. They went to most of her events at school. They helped pay for her education."
"I fully acknowledge that there is more to parenting, but from my point of view they did their best. I just didn't realize that she still thought I got special treatment because of my condition."
"No company that I know of would hire me for the job I got if I wasn't good at it. They could be throwing money away."
"I was furious that she would say this in public. If she had said it privately we could have talked it out. But she wanted it to be public."
"So I said what I said."
Her husband's face went red and she was speechless. Her kids looked confused. I felt bad when I saw my niece's reaction to what I said."
"My sister and her family left the party. My dad came over and said that I should have taken the high road and that she was very sensitive about her relationship still."
"I honestly feel bad about what I said. It wasn't fair and it wasn't true. She hasn't called me or accepted any calls from me and in over a week."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to return their sister's energy (NTA).
"If dad didn't immediately say '[Sister' name]!' and react verbally in shock to her saying what she did, he lost the opportunity to have it handled in a way he thought it should be handled."
"She said it in front of (former) work collegues and potentially those your new boss could have communication with. If he had dealt with her jealousy and hang ups as a teen like he should have, she wouldn't have been empowered to make such a comment." ~ GroovyYaYa
"This is what really bothered me. He spoke up for sis but didn't have that same energy for OP." ~ Historical-Dingo3845
"Honestly, he should have asked her to leave immediately. They were at a party to celebrate OP's tenure and success at his company—treating the interaction like a childhood spat instead of a pointed professional insult wouldn't do the OP any favours." ~ NattG
"Especially because what kind of unhinged thought process does OP's sister have?"
"Does she truly think OP schemed to get a traumatic brain injury as a kid to advance their career all these years later?"
"Only one of them made a choice, and it's the sister who decided to pursue a relationship with a man who was her supervisor until she was put in another office. There are millions of guys she could have chosen instead." ~ Stormtomcat
"Also ableism is such a consistent barrier to employment and retaining employment—not due to lack of ability, but because of biases. Particularly if speech or mobility is impaired."
"OP had a chance to have success and show ability and skill because of Dad's business. Opportunities that the whole rest of the work world offers to Sis." ~ trinlayk
"Sister lied about OP. What she said wasn't true. Now she's upset OP lied about her? When sister publicly apologizes for her jealousy and lies, I'd apologize. Not a second before." ~ tlaloc995
"NTA. Don't start none. Won't be none. She could have avoided a sharp retaliation of she didn't put a petty accusation out there first. She's not a victim, she's just bitter that she can't put you down her sibling with impunity." ~ Winter-eyed
"NTA. Personally, as a hiring manager I don't care what you have or look like, if you're good at the job that's all I care about. My line worker is autistic AF but he makes a damn good pizza."
"I had a driver who didnt speak English, but I could always rely on him to deliver. I myself have ADHD and I'm the general manager of a high volume Dominos."
"It's not a matter to me if you're physically impaired or what color you are, language you speak, or anything. If I can count on you to be on time and do your job, then you're in my crew. And that's all I care about." ~ Princess_Panqake
"Also, DEI is being used as a dirty word here. DEI doesn't mean you hire unqualified people for a job they didn't earn just so you can meet some sort of quota of underserved people on your staff. It serves to help give everyone equal opportunities when prior to DEI policies it was typical for minorities, women, disabled, etc.. to be passed over for able bodied White men."
"It helps even the playing field, it doesn't give those people an unfair advantage."
"And f*ck her sister for thinking so—it's equity, not equality. She's the one who opened the door, she can deal with the consequences. She intentionally tried to ruin OP's send off party. I don't fault OP with not taking the high road one bit. Sister had it coming. NTA." ~ strawcat
"Why doesn't anyone, especially dad, ask why the sister was nowhere near the high road? Where is her license to be a petty loser?" ~ Proof-Ride-339
"The sister's insult was a dumb position to take. In reality, who gives a rat's a** if OP was a DEI hire? It doesn't affect OP's sister, or anyone else at that party. It also doesn't automatically mean OP is any less qualified or less skilled than anyone else."
"You can both be a DEI hire, and super talented in your role and an amazing asset to the new team. Win/win for the company."
"I understand what sister was heavily implying. I'm just saying, her point could easily be argued against and refuted. What makes what she said so inappropriate was the intent behind her saying it."
"She was out for blood with this one. It is 100% clear that she said it with the sole purpose of publicly demeaning, embarrassing, insulting, and flat out bullying OP."
"She threw the gloves off first and sucker punched OP. OP didn't start the fight, nor did she throw the first punch. All she did was make sure she stood up for herself and ended it." ~ CatmoCatmo
"Just saying DEI hire tells me all I need to know about your sister. And as far as your dad saying YOU should take the high road? If somebody starts a fight with you to hell with taking the high road."
"Either put them in their place or they will do it again. Good for you for standing up for yourself! NTA!" ~ llcdrewtaylor
"OP's sister was WAY out of line trying to publicly insult and humiliate OP at her celebration, then sister—and Dad—were upset when OP came back with the same energy. Her sister just learned not to insult someone publicly if she didn't want to experience a public response." ~ AccordingToWhom1982
OP's sister deliberately tried to humiliate them and steal their joy during a party in their honor in front of their work colleagues.
Getting a taste of her own poison was appropriate according to Redditors.
