Traveling for the holidays can be the most stressful part of the year.
Doing it with infants can be near impossible.
And family has a knack for not making travel decisions easy.
Babies often just want to stay home.
So why can’t people come to the baby?
Redditor halfaglassof to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“WIBTA if I stayed home with a 3-month-old and did not fly to visit in-laws for the holidays, which delays their meeting the baby?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Spouse wants to take our 3 kids to visit family (parents and 3 siblings) for the holiday.”
“I want to stay home to avoid travel and discomfort with our 3-month-old and to stay in my own comfortable space with the routine and demands of that baby.”
“Spouse has done many things to make the travel as easy on the baby (re: me) as possible.”
“Willing to buy expensive plane tickets.”
“Willing to find a bus to avoid car travel.”
“Willing to make all necessary stops for the baby.”
“Willing to get multiple hotels along the way.”
“Willing to turn it into a mini vacation and only spend a few days with family.”
“But it will always include a 2-hour drive from a small airport or a 4-hour drive from a major airport.”
“This baby suffers from reflux and other tummy troubles that require stopping every 5-20 minutes in a car.”
“Which would include stopping on small, one-lane highways to tend to the baby while keeping the 5 and 7-year-olds entertained.”
“My older kids are already struggling with having less attention in their own space.”
“I’m imagining they will be more [outward behavior problem caused by inner turmoil] in the grandparents’ house and out of their routine.”
“My kids struggle at home, but it can be mitigated because they are in their own space. “
“Being in an uncomfortable space, with extra adults and new to their rules, AND continuing to have less attention from parents might make them terrorized by behavior.”
“I’m thinking having a break from the baby would be good for them, but who truly knows?”
“My spouse always ends up irritated with the family by the end of a visit.”
“I think they want me to go to help their emotions, feelings, and reactions.”
“I do help him not get as frustrated at his parents.”
“And I feel uncomfortable in their house.”
“Lots of unnecessary details there.”
“It would be so much easier on me if I stayed home with the 3-month-old baby and avoided all of it.”
“I struggle to make decisions (recovering people pleaser) and really can’t tell if I’m a) taking care of myself, or b) being an a**hole.”
“I would be keeping the baby from meeting grandpa, two aunts, and one uncle and their respective families.”
“I wouldn’t be there to help spouse parent the kids.”
“And most importantly, my spouse feels rejected by my choice, and it causes some hurt in our relationship.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, WIBTA if I stayed home and my spouse took the older kids alone?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. There is almost nothing that would induce me to bring an infant who hasn’t had a full contingent of vaccines on a plane, especially not during flu/RSV season.”
“If your husband thinks you’re exaggerating, have him watch some of those videos of tiny babies struggling to breathe and being put on respirators.”
“Family can come to you, or they can wait until the baby is old enough to travel.” ~ loligo_pealeii
“Honey, I barely wanted to take my 3-month-old to the grocery store, let alone traveling through airports and long road trips.”
“This doesn’t sound safe for post-partum you, or your small, fragile baby with digestive issues and a new immune system.”
“Please, follow your instincts and stay home.”
“Your husband and the older kids will have more fun anyway!”
“They can have a big-kid trip and feel special instead of sidelined.”
“The grandparents can come out and meet the baby sometime soon.”
“As a chronic people-pleaser and stretch-myself-thinner myself, I feel you!”
“Remember, when it comes to babies, mom knows best, and you get to be the last word.”
“Follow your gut!” ~ Technical_Tangelo143
“You have a 3-month-old.”
“Let your parents fly to travel to see you.”
“I’ve never been lucky enough to have a family of my own, but even this 60-year-old dude knows that a pregnant woman or a new mother should be catered to.”
“A 3-month-old baby means that a woman has gone through physical hell to bring life into the world, and she should be given a basic amount of consideration.” ~ Responsible-Doctor26
“Maybe you should invite them to town as an alternative to this trip.”
“Consider if them coming to a hotel near you would be a nicer way for them to see the baby on a limited basis (short visits are less of a disruption, and the baby at home is easier to keep on schedule).”
“It’s easier to send them back to their hotel when the baby is past its limit.”
“Stand firm on separate lodging regardless of whether you go there or they come over – it’s better for everyone’s wellbeing.” ~ ProjectJourneyman
“NTA. It sounds like you are carrying everyone.”
“That responsibility comes with privileges – namely, being able to put your foot down when too much is asked.”
“This is too much.”
“Your husband and in-laws are not going to agree with us, but they are just wrong.”
“Why are all of you traveling to see your in-laws instead of your in-laws coming to see you if they want to meet the baby so badly?” ~ VreyeanA09
“Why can’t they come to you?”
“Get a hotel or something?”
“Babies shouldn’t be in car seats for more than 2 hours… it’s your 3rd… your husband should know this by now.”
“He should also shut this down; you have a 3-month-old.”
“Does he really want to risk your youngest getting sick?”
“I don’t understand the logic that the ones with the young kids/babies should be the ones to travel and leave their comfort zone.”
“If they want to meet your baby, they should come to you.” ~ RainbowsintheUK
“NTA. You just had a baby!”
“Are you not entitled to put yourself first once in a while?”
“Traveling with small children is hard at the best of times and extremely hard at the holidays.”
“Putting a family of five with three small children on a bus and a plane is a big ask.”
“You do not have to.”
“If these people are so excited about meeting the baby, they can come to you.”
“If your husband wants your presence in his holiday so much, he can let his parents know that your family’s plans have changed and stay home.” ~ eaca02124
“NTA, it should be enough that you don’t want to take a new baby on an airplane.”
“It is more than enough that the baby has reflux and can’t travel well.”
“It doesn’t matter how easy he makes it; the trip will be horrible with a new baby throwing up the whole trip.” ~murphy2345678
“NTA. Please wean the family from having expectations on you and your peace.”
“No way in hell I would travel that soon after giving birth.”
“That baby should not be exposed to winter germs, and you should stay home and rest in your cocoon as long as you like.” ~ XYZ1113AAA
“NTA. Your spouse is asking for too much from you.”
“You should all stay home, or if your spouse REALLY feels they need this, they should either decide to go on their own or go with the older children (assuming you’re OK with either scenario… although I understand if you’re not).”
“Stay home.” ~ PanicAtTheGaslight
“It makes total sense to stay home with the 3-month-old lol, traveling with a baby plus older kids and all that stress would be brutal.”
“Your spouse can handle a few days with the older kids, and you taking care of the little one is legit prioritizing everyone’s wellbeing.”
“It’s not rejecting them, it’s setting healthy boundaries so the trip doesn’t turn into a nightmare.”
“Maybe plan a separate visit later when it’s easier for everyone to enjoy, but staying home isn’t wrong at all.”
“Your peace and the baby’s comfort come first.” ~ lillypadxz
“NTA. No way.”
“We traveled for a vacation with a 10-week-old, and it was so hard.”
“The Trip was planned before we knew I was pregnant, so we just sucked it up.”
“But then we did not travel until after a year because she was such a bad sleeper and I could not do that away from my own comfort.”
“This all sounds like way too much to appease the family.” ~ Ill_Concentrate453
“I’m sorry that this is happening.”
“You deserve to have a beautiful holiday with your family and your new family member.”
“I say NTA, why don’t you talk to your family and see if they can come visit, so you avoid travel?”
“Remember, your baby is just 3 months old, you have 2 other kids, and it’s a lot of work; they should be accommodating you.” ~ Oceanbreeze_queen
“NTA – your husband and all of your children need to be home with you.”
“Travelling with a baby that young is a ridiculous ask, and having your family split up over the holidays to make grandparents happy is gross.”
“Wait a couple of months and plan a new visit.”
“If your husband insists on you going with the baby or if he takes the older kids without you, he’s the a**hole.” ~ blurblurblahblah
“Hubby should tell his family not this year.”
“If he won’t, either send him alone or with the older kids, if they want to go. NTA” ~ DoyoudotheDew
Reddit is with you, OP.
You are trying to do what is best for your baby and yourself.
Traveling with a newborn is near impossible.
Everyone can come to you or wait a year.
Stay firm.