There’s nothing for a young woman to be ashamed of going through a period.
But when they’re bullied by their peers and even questioned about the adults in their lives, it can quickly become an embarrassing experience, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Common_Piglet7437 was furious when her teen daughter came home after being reprimanded by her teacher for an unexpected reason.
While she could understand a teacher not wanting her students to walk out of class randomly, the Original Poster (OP) felt her blood boiling over the teacher not letting her daughter use the restroom to deal with a feminine issue.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for being angry with my daughter’s teacher for giving my daughter a referral for walking out of a class for a female emergency?”
The OP’s teen daughter got in trouble at school for an unexpected reason.
“My 14-year-old daughter is a Freshman in high school. She has big dreams, so she takes school very seriously. She’s a good student and doesn’t get into trouble.”
“Today, she emailed me to tell me that she told her teacher that she has her period and urgently needed to go to the bathroom. The teacher said no.”
“She went on to tell the teacher that she is actively bleeding through her tampon and didn’t want to get her light gray pants dirty for the rest of the school day. The teacher again said no.”
“She panicked and went anyway. She stayed within the bathroom rules of being back without five minutes, etc.”
Her daughter’s teacher punished her with a negative referral.
“When she arrived back, the teacher told her to speak with her in the hallway. The teacher told her that she didn’t believe her and that she was going to receive a disciplinary referral.”
“She recommended that my daughter have me email her to verify that she has her period.”
“My daughter is freaking out because disciplinary referrals are usually used for students using AI or getting caught with their phones too many times. It won’t look good on her record.”
The OP wanted to escalate the situation.
“I’m trying really hard not to rage out at this teacher right now. Every email I’ve started isn’t great.”
“I ultimately decided to call the assistant principal to ask what my daughter should have done in this situation and plan to reserve my words for when I hear back from the assistant principal.”
In the meantime, it was obvious to the OP that her daughter wasn’t faking her symptoms.
“Since all this started, I was called to come to the nurse’s office yesterday because my daughter had bad cramps, and I needed to give meds as well as sign a paper allowing my daughter to carry the meds on her.”
“My daughter just got her period yesterday, and this happened at about 9:30 am. Given that it’s her second (heavy) day and how early she gets up in the morning, it makes sense that she was overdue at this point.”
“Am I overreacting that my daughter is getting in trouble for not listening to the teacher during a biological urgency? I’m curious what others would have done or how you would approach this with the school/teacher.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some reassured the OP was justified and suggested speaking to a superior.
“Don’t send an email to the teacher. Go over their head and deal directly with the principals.” – adventuresofViolet
“I’ve seen people say this doesn’t happen, but I remember it happening when I was in school.”
“One kid will abuse the system because they don’t want to be in class or think they’re being slick, and the teacher will decide to punish everyone and take the stance that any kid who has to go to the bathroom for any reason must be lying to get out of class.”
“The principal needs to be involved. The system where kids have to ask to go to the bathroom is terrible as it is, but if the teachers have decided they’re right before anything already happens, then it’s an even bigger problem.” – Neveronlyadream
“Something like this happened to my son in first grade. He peed himself because the teacher would not let him use the bathroom. He was so embarrassed that he sat in his p**sed-in pants all day becausehe didnt want anyone to know he peed himself.”
“I found out later from talking to his friends’ parents that at least four other kids had peed themselves because of her.”
“If you can’t understand that a six-year-old is telling you it’s an emergency, then it’s an emergency. They aren’t sneaking to the bathroom to do drugs.”
“Some people have no business being teachers.” – BasicRabbit4
“When I was a teacher, I never said no to a bathroom request. Ever.”
“Sure, guaranteed, there were kids taking advantage of that, but so what. When I slip out of a meeting to use the bathroom (or just to walk around and stretch a minute because I need a break) nobody says anything. Because we are grown-a** adults.”
“Why do people treat teenagers with less respect than they expect to be treated?” – Qoly
“NOR. She did exactly the right thing – the general rule of thumb is that if you have to go and it’s an emergency, you ignore the teacher and take care of YOURSELF FIRST, ‘repercussions’ last. what did the teacher expect?… for your daughter to flash her bloody pad at her for proof?…” – fivehxrgreeves_
“NOR. You march your adult self into the principal’s office and stand up for your daughter! That demerit needs to be removed from her record.”
“A report needs to be made not just about the teacher’s refusal to let a young girl change her menstrual products, but about the interrogation, disciplinary threat, and disrespect after the fact.” – wovenwebs
Others commiserated with the OP’s daughter.
“I p**sed my pants for spite in third grade because a teacher told me I couldn’t go to the bathroom. I asked twice, and the second time she told me no; I said okay and peed right there.”
“The worst part was that this elementary school had a toilet closet at the back of each classroom, so she didn’t even have to let me leave the classroom. She just wanted to be mean.” – photogypsy
“I told my first-grade teacher I was sick and needed to go home. She told me to wait and see if I felt better. I told her I was nauseous and needed to call my mom. She told me to keep working on my reading sheet and see if I felt better.”
“A couple of minutes later, I projectile vomited all over my desk and the floor. She was mad at me but let me go home then.” – Crow_with_a_Cheeto
“I was in kindergarten at a Catholic school. I grew up in a bilingual household, and I was crying and telling the teacher in another language that I wanted to throw up. I was holding my stomach, and she was just yelling at me, telling me that she didn’t know what I was saying.”
“I ended up puking on the floor in front of her. Instead of showing concern, she screamed at me even louder and said, ‘WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE GOING TO THROW UP?’ I tried, lady, I tried.”
“I remember her always being very mean to me. My parents pulled me out of that school, and my mom recently told me that she was incredibly racist and that I always came home crying from things she said to me. I started at a different Catholic school in first grade.” – ThrowRA01234567899
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a series of updates.
“I was going to stop by the school when I was done running errands, but the Vice Principal called me back just before I left.”
“I told her the story just as my daughter told it to me. She genuinely seemed horrified. She shared my concerns as a mom who also has a high school daughter.”
“She said she had looked up my daughter’s record, and there was zero evidence that she skips class or had any disciplinary actions against her that might suggest she has other intentions, and even if she did have a record, she still should have been allowed to use the bathroom.”
The Vice Principal was interested in pursuing further action.
“She asked what I wanted done to the teacher. I said, as a rage-filled mom right now, I want her fired. But I also understood the district was already understaffed, so I believed she at least needed to be educated and reprimanded.”
“She asked if it was okay if she spoke to my daughter so she could get the cadence of the conversation straight from her before she spoke with the teacher and others.”
“I told her to please do, and that I thought it would be good for her to know that what happened was wrong and that she did the right thing.”
“The downside to all of this is that the Vice Principal was leaving after their talk to go to a conference and wouldn’t be back until Monday. So she probably won’t talk to the teacher until then.”
“She said that she was going to talk to my daughter and let her know that she can go to the ARC instead of that class until they meet again on Monday. Additionally, she is going to offer her a change in schedule.”
“It does sound like the referral was merely a threat, and it worked. It scared the s**t out of my daughter, who is scared of any sort of record.”
After speaking with the Vice Principal, the OP’s daughter’s teacher called her.
“The teacher called me. I answered because I thought it was the Vice Principal, which was dumb of me, because she had told me she was leaving for the day/week.”
“The teacher told me her account of the situation and explained to me that she created a new policy, and because it was the start of the semester, she was being firm with it.”
“I said, ‘She told you it was urgent because of her period, and your response was to deny her, humiliate her, and then threaten her.'”
“She said that she just wanted to know that she wasn’t lying to her. I said, ‘How did you want me to prove to you that she had a period? Did you want a picture of a bloody tampon or something?'”
“Not my finest moment, especially with my daughters in the car. She responded, ‘No, that’s disgusting.'”
“I said, ‘I agree. Denying a young woman a bathroom and then wanting proof that she wasn’t lying was disgusting. I was very disgusted in this situation.'”
“I then told her that I would prefer to continue this conversation with the Vice Principal, and we hung up.”
The OP had one more conversation with the Vice Principal and her daughter.
“It took a while to hear back from the VP, so I followed up. She told me that the teacher had been written up, but she couldn’t tell me anything more specific than that because of her privacy.”
“My daughter talked to the teacher a day or so after it happened, and they apologized to each other. As a girl mom, I’ve tried to teach my kids not to apologize when they did nothing wrong.”
“She’s a sweet kid, though, and felt bad for doing what she thought was disrespectful on her part. I assured her it wasn’t, but she wanted me to stop talking about it because she felt ok about the situation.”
“A few days after the incident, the teacher sent out an email to the entire class and their parents informing them of the new bathroom policy and why she decided to start this (other kids abusing bathroom passes).”
“She also said that, of course, she wouldn’t block a kid from going to class if there was an emergency situation. I wish I had a little more closure for the stress this caused me, but I’m glad that my daughter still feels comfortable in school, and for my own sanity, I had to mentally move on.”
There are undoubtedly students who take advantage of being able to step out of the classroom, but in most situations, that simply is not the case.
Especially when a student expresses that they are ill or it’s an emergency, it’s best to respect their judgment, allow them to go, and show them a little respect where respect is due.