When parents first sign their child up for daycare or preschool, they might be surprised by all the items they need to bring to help the school care for their child.
From baby wipes and tissues and diapers, to spare clothes, to art supplies, and sometimes even snacks, these sometimes lengthy lists of items help daycare centers and preschool classrooms guarantee that all of their children will have everything they need, agreed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But an important point about this is that each child has their own items. If another child runs out, it’s their parents’ responsibility to replenish their supplies, not another child’s.
Redditor feelingstruck’s daughter started at preschool, and they provided everything for their daughter that she needed, including spare clothes, wipes, and other supplies.
When their daughter came home with fewer clothes than they sent her with, and one of her classmates had an outfit that was mysteriously familiar, the Original Poster (OP) was frustrated that the teacher may have shared their daughter’s clothes with another child.
They asked the sub:
“Would I be the a**hole if I asked my daughter’s preschool teacher not to put the extra clothes that I sent for her on other students?”
The OP thoroughly prepared their daughter for her first day of preschool.
“My daughter started school last Wednesday, and the teacher asked us to send pull-ups, wipes, and a change of clothes for her.”
“I sent quite a few pull-ups and a brand new pack of wipes, and a spare outfit as requested.”
The OP was concerned when their daughter came home.
“Only the bottoms for her outfit came back, and I saw another student from her class, wearing her shirt when I went to pick her up.”
“Now, I don’t mind if the teacher needs to use some of my daughter’s pull-ups for the other kids, or even some of her wipes. I’ll send extra of those things if needed because I understand what it’s like to be the parent who can’t provide that.”
“However, when it comes to her clothes, I’m not okay with sharing.”
“For starters, if they get sent home on a kid (like the shirt did), then there’s a chance that the school won’t get it back, and clothes are really expensive, and I can’t afford to replace them like that.”
“It all pretty much boils down to the fact that my daughter doesn’t really have that many clothes to begin with, so I can’t really afford for them to get ruined, or for them not to get sent back.”
The OP considered talking to their daughter’s teacher about it.
“I’m just curious if it would make me the a**hole if I talk to her teacher the next day that she goes to school, and tell her that I’m not comfortable with her using her clothes for other children.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
A few Redditors pointed out that the t-shirt might have been a coincidence.
“Be sure this is what happened before you bring in the manager! Is it possible that another kid had the same shirt and your daughter’s is still waiting for her somewhere?”
“At our preschool, every kid has a bag with their clean clothes, but also a basket for their stuff, like pacifiers or drawings. Sometimes clothes stay in that basket for ages before I suddenly get them back.”
“If you’re not sure, ask the teacher first in a non-confrontational way where the shirt you sent is.” – Quadrantje
“I will say, it’s not out of the realm of possibility that two children had the same shirt, especially if it was a newish shirt from a big box store. Remember, everyone’s going to be buying from the same places, so it’s very likely you will see multiple kids with the same outfit.” – TheBlueMeance
“NTA. Depending on how you approach it.”
“I’d probably say to the teacher, ‘I noticed that my daughter’s clothes weren’t all returned in her pack, and that I think I saw her tee on another child.'”
“Ask what happened, as it might have been a genuine mistake that someone grabbed the wrong pack, or that two kids had matching clothes.”
“Basically, give them a chance to explain. If they say, yeah, we put whatever clothes on whichever kid, then I’d be asking them not to do that.” – Rare_Sugar_7927
“At that age, a lot of kids have the same shirts. So many times I have seen kids wear the same shirt because it’s made at Target or Walmart where a lot of parents shop for clothes. Hopefully her daughter’s was just misplaced, or there was a misunderstanding.” – shortasalways
“Does this other child have a similar name to your child, or are their cubbies beside each other? It could be a simple mix-up. Definitely address it, but maybe go from the assumption of a genuine mistake until shown otherwise.”
“My niece had Elsa shoes and got sent home in another girl’s Elsa-and-Anna shoes, and my sister didn’t even notice until the next day (they were toddlers and putting shoes back on after nap time, the girl on the mat next to her was the same size and also a ‘Frozen’ fan apparently).” – vicariousgluten
Assuming the OP did see their daughter’s shirt on another child, others agreed that the teacher’s behavior was inappropriate.
“That is so inappropriate. If the child had no clothes and the school has no backup clothes, they should phone the parent. They definitely shouldn’t take another child’s clothes.”
“What would happen if they gave her clothes away and she had an accident and needed them?” – gc_Bill5049
“OP is NTA. Every school should have an extra set of clothes in the event a parent is unprepared.”
“I had a student with a huge nosebleed one time, and she got it all over her dress. We gave her an oversized school shirt that fit like a dress, but it was better than nothing. It was one of those standard shirt blanks schools use with their custom logo on it. Not a uniform per se.”
“The expectation was that the parent washes it, and returns it to the school when they’re done.” – meghan9436
“Every school in our district requests clothing that kids have outgrown, specifically to have a supply at school for anyone who needs it. From a random accident that leaves the clothes dirty to kids who simply don’t have enough clothing at home, everyone gets what they need.” – curlioier
“One time at my son’s old daycare, my wife arrived to find him cold and shivering. She asked the provider why he was so cold, and she said, ‘Oh, they were just outside for a while.’ My wife asked why he wasn’t wearing his jacket, and the provider said it was because another kid who didn’t have a jacket was wearing it.”
“He’s at a MUCH better preschool now.” – interface2x
“There are also health concerns like ringworm or some other kind of rash, where you might not even realize the kid has it on the first day it appears. It is absurdly crazy that a teacher would do that unless it was literally a one-time mistake.”
“My son got Molluscum Contagiosum from sharing shirts. It’s highly contagious and took over a year to clear up.” – mlc885
“NTA. It’s wildly inappropriate for the school to be giving away your property. If it were me, I’d be raising it with the teacher and the head of the facility. As you say, sharing the pull-ups and wipes is one thing, but clothes are totally another.”
“I’m petty, too, so I might be the kind of person who sends spare clothes festooned with my child’s name and a massive tag inside saying ‘Property of Child’s name, if found please return to/please call XXZ.'” – Vequielhellim
“NTA. Maybe there was a mix up, but it should still be addressed. It would have been less awkward if you brought it up immediately, but it’s still a valid concern.”
“I’d also suggest labeling them from now on just to be safe, maybe even putting them in a zip lock with their name on it as well.”
“Personally, I would be upset on either end of the spectrum, losing the clothes and having someone else’s child’s clothes put on my child, and not knowing what is made of, what detergent was used, if they are even clean, etc.” – Galaxy661
“NTA.”
“I worked in childcare for 10 years and would never have put clothes from one child on a non-related (direct sibling in the same household) child.”
“Speak to the room leader, and speak to someone above. Ask them to contact the family of the child who was wearing your daughter’s clothes to be returned.” – Vegetable-Stuff1850
Though the subReddit could appreciate the OP’s concern, they hoped that the OP would clarify what happened with the teacher before actively confronting them. It could have been a simple mix-up, including assuming that someone else’s shirt was actually the daughter’s.
That said, if the teacher intentionally gave the daughter’s shirt to someone else, then it would be time to talk about boundaries and possible health and income concerns. There were certainly valid reasons for children not to share clothes, if that was in fact what happened.