We’ve all been there.
We’ve all been in a circumstance where we say all the wrong things.
Chalk it up to nerves or ignorance.
However, that doesn’t given us permission to say whatever and take no responsibility.
Case in point…
Redditor wanted to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“She asked:AITA for throwing out my brother-in-law’s fiancée and saying her comment was out of line?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ll start by telling the background story of what happened to my wife and where this left us so my post makes sense.”
“Some years ago my wife was injured at her job.”
“My wife didn’t cause the situation but she was the one who was injured.”
“She lost a limb as a result. “
“Her company was investigated under OHSA and there was also legal trouble for them because there were major safety violations that led to what happened to my wife.”
“We took the money my wife received in the aftermath to purchase a home and with the bit that was leftover we invested for our retirement as my wife and I were in our 30s when it happened.”
“We are comfortable having no mortgage, no debt and our savings but we aren’t living like we have a bottomless pit.”
“Our house isn’t a mansion.”
“Our vehicles are used.”
“We don’t have expensive clothing or unlimited vacations.”
“Both of us still work part-time because we want to keep our resumes current.”
“We don’t want to rely solely on the money from what happened to my wife because that is our nest egg.”
“And frankly we both need something to do besides be at home.”
“What happened to my wife was traumatic beyond any words I have.”
“I love my wife exactly how she is but both of us agree that we would trade our house and nest egg for our old shoebox studio apartment and the debt we had before it meant my wife could go back to how she was before the injury.”
“The money we got was not from something happy.”
“Also we have never bragged or flaunted our money at anyone.”
“Everyone knows why my wife got that money.”
“There was no way to hide her injury, hospital stay and rehabilitation but we don’t talk about it to anyone.”
“Even though what happened is public.”
“My wife’s brother got engaged and we had the two of them over for dinner and drinks.”
“His fiancée had the gall to tell my wife (and me) how lucky she was to have the accident because it got her money to be able to afford a house in an expensive market.”
“She further told her he would gladly chop off her own limb (the same limb my wife was missing) to have a ‘free’ house and to not have to go to work every day.”
“I told her to leave my house because her comment was so out of line to me.”
“My brother-in-law got mad at me for ‘sticking my nose’ in a family argument and later I got an angry call from my in-laws because he told them I threw them out.”
“He did not tell them why but when I repeated his comment they said the same thing my brother-in-law said.”
“Which is that she was probably just nervous and not thinking straight and that since affording a house here was impossible her envy is understandable”
“. My brother-in-law wants me to apologize.”
“The only one of my in-laws who isn’t mad at me is my wife’s oldest brother [my wife has 2 brothers and birth order is oldest brother, engaged brother and my wife].”
“Normally I would never but in the heat of the moment I saw red.”
“So… Was I TA for getting involved in my wife’s familial dispute?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. The dispute DID involve you.”
“We see so many posts on here where the verdict goes the other way because a partner didn’t step up to defend the other.”
“You love your wife and you’re both very realistic about what transpired.”
“What the fiancé said was tacky, disrespectful, and lightly cruel.” ~ Electronic-Tax4469
“Honestly, I’m currently not working because of an injury, and I’ve had so many people say must be nice.”
“And it’s like oh yeah it’s so nice being in constant pain, and needing pain medicine to have any chance at sleep.”
“I’d love, and give anything to be a physically normal human again that has to go to work.”
“I’d choose that over what my injured life is any day.” ~ Admirable_Pipe_5918
“I’ve had a similar experience. I’m disabled and people tell me it must be nice to to work.”
“Like… no?”
“I feel stupid and useless and I’d rather work but I’m in too much pain to get out of bed reliably.”
“I feel like I’m not a contributing member to society.”
“As a result, I’m always depressed and often suicidal.”
“Yaaaaay, so fun…” ~ _PrincessOats
“Exactly! If I am told must be nice one more time I will invite the idiot to have 12 spinal operations, crippled legs, incontinence caused by nerve damage, being ignored by some family members, as in not being invited places, 2 solid months in the hospital and no hope of ever improving.”
“OP is NTA.” ~ playfulspirit123
“So my very first position at a firm was working for a guy in Private Investigating, who was notoriously difficult to work with.”
“And he didn’t take nuisance cases.”
“I think this had more to do with him be a pretty no nonsense former DA, but whatever, he only took cases where he felt a serious injury occurred.”
“I can tell you that any one of those individuals would have much rather preferred their old lives back.”
“Some of them had to live with daily pain killers just to get through work, which they needed to do to survive until their case was settled, then they get into addiction territory.”
“Lots of cases end up settling for less than they are worth because the Plaintiffs didn’t want to have to go on the stand and explain why the preexisting minor back pain the had for two years prior to the accident isn’t what’s causing them daily pain as well as huge loss of range of motion in their arm.”
“Not to mention the predatory loan places that will ensure you have little money at the end of your settlement or my favorite $10k a day ‘expert witnesses.'”
“OP’s Brother In Law’s fiancée is off her rocker if she thinks an injury will bring her money or happiness.”
“You’re seldom lucky to get even one of those.”
“OP you’re definitely NTA, I hope you and your wife are ok.” ~ Puzzled-Passion7255
“That’s because of all of the ignorant comments seen/heard everywhere of ‘nobody wants to work anymore’ and ‘people aren’t disabled, they’re just LAZY and want to collect a check!’”
“While I’m positive there are bad apples that take advantage of the systems in place, it obviously does not mean that applies to everyone.”
“Ignorant comments like Brother In Law’s fiancé are perfect examples of people speaking on subjects they know nothing of.”
“I went through a terrible accident 6 years ago.”
“And while the ‘payout’ pales in comparison to what I went through physically, emotionally, financially… others would think otherwise even though they’ve never been in my shoes, your shoes, OP’s wife’s shoes.”
“It’s ignorant and heartless and I’m glad OP stuck up for his wife instead of setting the precedent that you can disregard my wife’s situation around us.”
“NTA. I’m sorry for your challenges, your pain, your situation entirely.”
“I wish nothing but the best for you.” ~turd_ferguson083
“NTA More than likely brother has been whining about the unfairness of his sister getting all this free money… gag.”
“They’re both jealous and disgusting.”
“How are your in laws even remotely decent humans if they can be mad at you for standing up for their tragically injured daughter??”
“And over someone who’s not even a full member of the family yet. That’s gross.”
“I would cut them all off with the only exception being oldest brother.”
“I’d absolutely never allow a single penny benefit any of them.” ~ Jstbkuz
“I feel like I can relate to the foot in mouth/word vomit of saying something very awkward and borderline inappropriate.”
“But to me, the difference of being an AH or not, is whether you recognize and apologize or double down and stand by what you said.”
“If the fiancee was so nervous she said that, saw how OP and wife reacted, realized her error and immediately was embarrassed/apologized, I have no problem with what happened.”
“Sometimes things slip out like that.”
“Or a well intentioned idea gets said poorly.”
“In this case, holy cow, is that not what happened.”
“OP, you’re NTA and again, sorry about your wife’s injury.” ~ lopingwolf
Well OP you have Reddit on your side.
Sorry for the situation.
Hopefully OP and wife can make the best of this and find some peace.