We’ve all struggled with setting and maintaining boundaries at some point.
And sometimes the results of boundaries that get crossed are pretty strange.
One woman on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit recently received a surprise because of overstepped boundaries.
Redditor CSPhCT immediately put the boundary back in place, however.
But because of the backlash she received, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was too harsh.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for kicking my roommate’s girlfriend’s kid out of my bed?”
The OP came home to a surprise in her bedroom.
“I came home from work tonight to find my roommate’s girlfriend’s kid in my bed.”
“I don’t care that he has guests over, but my one rule is to respect my stuff and my space.”
“There was another bed free in the kid’s room so I told her to go sleep in that one and give mine back.”
The OP’s roommate didn’t appreciate how she reacted.
“My roommate is p**sed, saying I should’ve slept in the kid’s bed myself (lol (laughing out loud)) and left a child to sleep.”
“I told him he knew I was going to be back tonight and where my bed was, he shouldn’t be putting his guests up in my space.”
“So, AITA?”
The OP also added a few clarifying details.
“The kid didn’t sneak into the wrong room or anything, they put her there on purpose.”
“My roommate’s girlfriend’s kid is 5.”
“My roommate and I share a kid (no romantic strings for over a decade, this is absolutely not the issue, I’ve never had issues with him bringing his girls around here until it’s started putting me out of my own space), and our son is 10.”
“There’s a kids room with 3 beds, 2 free. My roommate’s room is downstairs, and my and the kids’ room are upstairs across the house right next to each other, so it wasn’t so they could get privacy to bang.”
“I wasn’t rude or mean to the kids, just said, ‘Hey, go sleep in the kids’ room, I don’t think your mom knew it was my bed (she did).'”
“This living arrangement is temporary and trust me, I’m trying to move out ASAP, but this market is not forgiving though.”
“The fact that I was yelled at for wanting my own bed is purely what brought me to this subReddit, because my roommate has zero awareness of when he’s possibly in the wrong, so petty me would like to show him how 500 strangers disagree.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned the roommate’s manners and suggested the OP move out.
“I’d find a new roommate also, the entitled attitude says it all, really.” – sehns
“It sounds like a blatant disregard for your privacy from an entitled a**.”
“Is this the first time something like this has happened? Do you think they’re possibly trying to make what seems to be a really uncomfortable living arrangement even more uncomfortable on purpose to get you to move more quickly?”
“I’ve actually had that happen with a roommate before. Nothing happened between us, she just had zero ability to be direct with me and ended up being a total a** to urge me to move.”
“Either way, you’re so NTA. I would personally be beyond livid that someone was not only allowed to invade my one modicum of privacy in my own home, but was clearly encouraged to do so by an adult who d**n well knows better.” – logicisperplexing
“They need to keep themselves AND that kid out of your room. They had no business going in there. Its YOUR room. Period. Your bed, your stuff, your privacy. Such nerve. NTA” – falconstears
Others suggested at least getting a lock for the bedroom door and establishing new boundaries.
“NTA. I’d get a lock for my door that only I have the key for, for in the future. That’s rude AF (as f**k).” – AmethysstFire
“NTA.”
“Secure your room until you have roommates with better manners.” – Here_for_tea_
“NTA and I second that, get a lock.” – Edenwxp
“I bet it was [the girlfriend’s] idea, and he’s defending the decision because having you in the house is causing problems with her.”
“I would just reeaally stress that he’s teaching your son to mistreat women and mistreat partners, and you need that to stop.”
“And definitely change that door lock, especially since he’s got a psycho GF (girlfriend) who thinks her kid belongs in your personal space.” – Andromeda081
“It’s like having your roommate’s girlfriend putting her dog to sleep in your bedroom in your bed and they f**king expect you to take the dog bed. LIKE F**K NO. She knew exactly what she was doing.”
“It’s a f**king power move for sure, like let’s imagine my imaginary life coming true by just erasing X and pretending we live here as a family. Why doesn’t she play house with a man without roommates who are paying rent?” – Powerful_Mixtape
Some questioned why the roommate and girlfriend thought this was a good idea to begin with.
“NTA, but why would they ever think it’s ok to put their kid to sleep in your bed? That’s weird.” – Knitty_Cat
“Exactly! Why was your bed so special? I can’t imagine why the OP is even questioning his position!” – QCr8onQ
“Is there another kid that sleeps in the ‘kids room’? Because I can’t imagine any other reason for them to give the kid your bed. WTF” – Step_me
“NTA!”
“My ONLY guess would be that another kid was playing/studying/reading/whatever in the kids’ bedroom, so it was bright and not quiet. So they put the 5-year-old in your bed instead.”
“BUT – that’s me reaching for an explanation that makes sense? Since it makes NO sense at all to put the kid in the bed of someone not related to the kid at all, when there is a kids’ bedroom with a free bed available.”
“Even then, it would only be kind of reasonable to do that until you got home, then pick up the sleeping kid and transfer them to their proper bed.”
“(WTF saying YOU should sleep in the kids’ room and not disturb the sleeping child???? They’re a sleeping child! You can often pick them up, put them in a car, get home, and take them out of a car and into the house to their bed, and they won’t wake up at all; and if they do, they go right back to sleep instantly!)”
“Again, BUT – it would only be ACTUALLY reasonable if this was something they had asked you if they could do, beforehand. ‘You know the older kid likes to still play in their room, can we put the 5 year old down on your bed temporarily, until we can transfer them?'”
“Doing it without asking you? MAJOR boundary violation.” – eregyrn
The subReddit was very confused and concerned about this particular situation, and recommendations came pouring in for the OP to either move out or to add a lock to her door to create a physical boundary. It’s unclear if this is an issue with the new girlfriend or if the roommate secretly wants the OP to move out, but either way, this was a serious boundary violation.