Not everyone is a baby lover.
Especially more than one baby at a time.
So that’s why a warning with baby help might be necessary.
Just a heads up can go a long way.
Case in point…
Redditor New_You_2054 wanted to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my boyfriend to stop moaning and stop being a baby when he kept complaining about being handed a baby to entertain at my brother’s house?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Boyfriend and I are both 18.”
“I was going to see my brother to talk to him about some family stuff.”
“My boyfriend was with me so he came along.”
“My brother and sister in law just had TRIPLETS, and they also have an 18 month old.”
“So 4 babies in the house. They need all the help they can get.”
“Once I went to talk to my brother apparently my sister in law just handed one of the babies over to my boyfriend, told him to keep walking with her in his arms until she falls asleep.”
“My boyfriend did that but when we went back he kept on complaining about the fact that my sister in law didn’t ask him to do it.”
“She assumed it and just put him in a position which he couldn’t refuse.”
“He could always refuse, but he considered it to be rude so he didn’t refuse.”
“I told him ‘whatever, don’t come again then’ and he accused me of dismissing his feelings and concerns.”
“I told him that if you unexpectedly visit a family with 4 babies you can’t expect hospitality.”
“And you’re gonna have to help entertain a baby, that’s life.”
“He said I’m being dismissive about it.”
“I told him to stop moaning and stop being a child.”
“He accused me of being an a**hole.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA. Your boyfriend is right on this one.”
“Not expecting hospitality is one thing, but being expected to care for someone else’s newborn without your consent is not on.”
“His presence alone is not consent.” ~ tosser9212
“Yeah, I feel like he’s not relating the circumstances correctly because I’d never just hand a newborn to an 18-yr-old man and assume he’s okay with it.”
“Strange for the mother to just instantly trust he was comfortable with that.” ~ frangipanivine
“She just gave birth to three babies, and has an 18 month old toddler to take care of as well.”
“At this point, she’d probably hand the baby to her Uber delivery driver if it would get them to stay asleep.” ~ 0biterdicta
“I wouldn’t even necessarily put it on the mom.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m as child free as they get, but here it would have helped if the gf said ‘hey sorry about that. She’s probably just sleep deprived.'”
“At least acknowledge his discomfort.”
“OP chose to make him feel like a heel.”
“So YTA for how OP handled the situation.” ~ Wet_sock_Owner
“Agreed. I’m happily child free, and a bit ‘uncomfortable’ with babies (I’m scared I’ll drop them!).”
“I can’t call the mom anything other than a warrior.”
“Trying to power through a battle of unfathomable exhaustion, mentally, emotionally, and physically.”
“I can understand the boyfriend being uncertain how he should handle it.”
“He was polite enough not to cause even a small commotion, and waking the babies.”
“I’m sure he could see the poor mom is hanging on for dear life.”
“All OP had to do was say ‘I’m sorry you were put in that position.'”
“‘Thank you for being so gracious about it at the time, and letting me know your thoughts on it now.'”
“‘I’ll try to make sure you’re never in that position again, but if you are, let me know right away.'” ~ DragonCelica
“Exactly! I’m the same as you, child-free and slightly awkward with babies.”
“But I have three nephews.”
“If I was in this situation, you better believe I’m going to cradle that baby and try my best to soothe them.”
“OP’s boyfriend took the baby and didn’t complain to the mother.”
“He did as asked and helped her out.”
“There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging and validating his discomfort.”
“And making an effort to try to divert babies away from him in the future haha.” ~ abbles1er
“Yeah, poor mom probably would have handed him two if he had more arms.”
“OP just needed to say thank you so much for helping when you didn’t have to and I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable.”
“Then don’t go over there anymore because there will probably be a baby thrust upon you. LOL.” ~ bethyshelton
“Folks can sympathize with the mom (and dad) latching on to any help they see.”
“Mom should have asked, but it’s a forgivable mistake.”
“The G[irl]F[riend] having no sympathy for the discomfort her 18-year old B[oy]F[riend] had with holding an infant is what makes her YTA.”
“If she had any inkling of compassion for a young man who may not have grown up around babies just wishing he had been ASKED before a bay was dumped on him, it would have been N-A- H.”
“Think of the grief given to other mothers who dump their babies on unwilling older adults/ those with experience with babies.”
“The key failure is not asking (and accepting gracefully whatever the answer is).”
“That is the case here, too – but worse because the dumpee was an inexperienced young man.” ~ swillshop
“It isn’t just a male thing.”
“Some women are very uncomfortable with babies as well.”
“Clearly he hasn’t been around babies before and is just sudden handed this very fragile and precious but likely screaming little thing and expected to deal with it.”
“It can be very confronting.”
“And OP is TA for invalidating his feelings and should be having a very long talk with her boyfriend on where they stand on kids in the future.”
“Because it sounds like they are not only on a different page but entirely different books.” ~ MediumAlternative372
“The boyfriend didn’t go to visit though.”
“GF went to talk to her brother and he was with her and got roped in.”
“If I was in his position I would expect to hang in the entryway or turn invisible on a couch until business was concluded.”
“And I would definitely not appreciate being tossed a baby by someone I (probably) hardly know.”
“If I was asked? Sure. But not ‘here, this one’s your job now.'” ~ thesaltystaff
“You can tell all of these people don’t have kids, and probably haven’t been around a baby since being a kid themselves.”
“So saying, not everyone is comfortable with kids and even if the parents aren’t thinking clearly (fair enough, been there done that) OP should have been.”
“And could have easily taken the baby from him.”
“Hell, I’m only really comfortable holding my own, and don’t really want to hold anyone else’s.”
“Boyfriend is under no obligations here.”
“Boyfriend may have even been ambushed on every level here, and not even know he was going to be around babies until OP dumped him in that situation.”
“Whole situation could have probably been handled better by all involved.” ~ ChooseACoolName
“NAH. I kind of agree with you that it’s reasonably foreseeable that someone might try to hand you a baby if you walk into a house with 4 of them.”
“I also understand not wanting to hold or entertain a baby, and he probably really did feel uncomfortable saying no.”
“In the future he should just not go with you, or he should get comfortable with saying ‘no thank you.'” ~ ADawg28
“I think it’s a cultural difference thing.”
“I am from Asia and we have huge families.”
“And as an older sibling/person visiting you are automatically expected to be responsible for the younger ones.”
“It is a form of including someone in the family and the guest shows acceptance and understanding by helping out.”
“Of course if it crosses the line that’s the problem.”
“But in OP’s case I think it’s fine NTA.”
“All parties are at some fault here.” ~ _Tet_
“Based on OPs expectation of him to ‘entertain a baby’ I doubt he could have said ‘no thank you’ and had any different outcome.”
“If he did, it sounds like it would have been a weird and awkward situation that probably makes would have made OP look bad.”
“So there was no winning for him.”
“Plus, 18 is young and not everyone has held a baby before.”
“It also sounds like he wasn’t made aware of the situation or maybe wasn’t aware of who all would be there.”
“I’m 34, a woman, have a large extended family and I have held many babies.”
“I still am uncomfortable every time and when someone thrusts a baby at me without at least saying ‘could you hold him/her for a minute?'”
“I find it INCREDIBLY rude.” ~ AstroRayder
Well OP, it sounds like maybe next time a warning to the BF could be helpful.
People don’t really love babies just being tossed at them. LOL.
Sounds like Reddit is with your BF here.
Good luck.