We all tell little white lies every now and again.
And most of the time, these lies are justified, particularly if they’re to prevent someone’s feeling’s getting hurt.
It’s when these lies can be harmful to others, or for that matter, yourself, that they become more serious.
And if there’s one person you should never under any circumstances be dishonest with, it’s your doctor.
Redditor throwawayirooo couldn’t contain herself when she heard her boyfriend lie to his doctor after a potentially serious diagnosis, and felt she had no choice but to speak up.
But wondering if she was sticking her nose in where it didn’t belong, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my bf’s doctor something he didn’t want her to know?”
The OP first explained that her boyfriend’s family seemed to have an unfortunate medical history that the OP was concerned would eventually befall him.
“My boyfriend (BF) (25 M[ale]) has a family history of skin cancer and both his dad and uncle had lots of basal cell carcinoma removed and his aunt had full blown melanoma but she is ok now.”
“He is a ginger and very light skinned and doesn’t tan at all.”
“He turns into tomato with any sunlight exposure but he refuses to wear sunscreen.”
“The 2 reasons he’s given is that he doesn’t like the feeling and it’s girly.”
“I think it’s ridiculous.”
“I wear sunscreen everyday and I’m not even as at risk as him.”
“He walks around on vacation with no sunscreen and gets second degree burns at least once or twice a year.”
“It’s crazy how much pain he is willing to go though to avoid sunscreen.”
“I tried to buy him Korean and Japanese sunscreens because that is what I use on my face but he says it’s a girl’s sunscreen and refuses to put in on.”
“I also got him ‘manly’ sunscreens like Jack Black but then he complains it’s too greasy.”
“He also uses one bar of soap on his whole body and head despite having dandruff and refuses to use moisturizer even when his legs are almost peeling in the winter.”
The OP’s fears eventually came to be, and when the OP was dishonest with his doctor, the OP refused to remain quiet.
“I’ve since given up, and assumed he would get skin cancer and hopefully that would wake him up.”
“Well he did his yearly dermatologist trip and they found basal cell carcinoma on his arm and he had to get it cut off.”
“Thankfully it wasn’t very invasive but the doctor asked him in the follow up if he wore sunscreen and he said everyday.’
‘I couldn’t help but snort and mutter ‘liar’ and she instantly was on him lecturing him about how dangerous it was for him to not use sunscreen and went on a rant about skin cancer mortality rates.’
“He was pissed and yelled at me in the car saying it was his appointment and he can say whatever he wants to the doctor.”
“I told him he got cancer and he’s still so stubborn because he is more concerned about being a man than not getting cancer.”
“We got into a massive fight over it and he was yelling ‘you have no right’ and stormed out.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not at all the a**hole for speaking up at her boyfriend’s doctor’s appointment.
Everyone agreed that the OP was only looking out for her boyfriend’s health, and that he should take his health much more seriously considering his family history, with a few wondering if it’s even worth it for the OP to remain in this relationship.
“NTA lying to a doctor is the stupidest thing to do.”- navikrish21
“I’m leaning NTA here.”
“You didn’t really TELL the doctor, you just muttered that he was incorrect.”
“Hah.”
“Anyway, people lying to their doctors is an all too common thing and it’s costing people their lives.”
“It’s baffling that your BF is 25 and still acts like he’s 15.”
“The sun screen will save his life, but he doesn’t care because it’s ‘girly’?!”-Â
“He’d rather suffer and die a needless and possibly painful death to NOT BE GIRLY?”
“What’s wrong with girls/being girly he’s dating you, isn’t he?”
“Maybe he shouldn’t, and should find a manly man to date!?”
“What’s wrong with living?”
“What’s wrong with someone caring about his life when he clearly doesn’t?”
“People absolutely baffle me.”- Fanculo_Cazzo
“Honestly.”
“I wouldn’t even want to be with somebody who is this careless about their own health.”
“Zero sense of self-preservation is a lot to deal with and not something I could put up with.”
“I get that what you did wasn’t entirely right but, ugh.”
“I probably wouldn’t have been able to keep myself from letting a comment slip either.”
“I don’t even want to include a judgement because this gives me so much second-hand frustration.”-DramaCat95
“NTA.”
“It’s sad that your boyfriend is so insecure about his masculinity that he’s willing to risk cancer to feel more manly.”
“Real men don’t give a crap about appearing manly because they live it.”
“Sunscreen is not ‘girly’.”
“Courting danger isn’t manly; it’s just stupid.”- SomeoneYouDontKnow70
“JUST BREAK UP WITH HIS DRY, UNMOISTURIZED SELF!!!!”
“Man, can you imagine his scratchy he feels?”
“He probably doesn’t even wear chapstick because it’s ‘girly’ or wear deodorant either huh?”
“Just why… nta.”-Original-Challenge-1
“NTA.”
“Biggest issue doctors have helping their patients is the patient lying to them.”
“I guess your friend is just cool with going through all this pain and life-long issues and that is his call but I don’t think I could sit back and watch a friend lie about their health.”- deathfromace1
“NTA except for putting up with your fragile snowflake boyfriend.”
“Just how bad is his self-esteem if he’s literally willing to risk death instead of doing anything even remotely ‘girly”, in his mind.”
“If he’s that sensitive, he’s no man.”
“He’s a toddler.”
“Do you really want this to be your life?”- JanetInSpain
“NTA.”
“Doctors need the truth.”
“And your boyfriend needs to wake up and realize what he is doing to himself.”
“If you need to rat him out to the doctors for him to realize then so be it.”-Tiggy88
“If he has already had a basal cell at 25 he is in for having a lot of them, and very likely more dangerous skin cancers as well.”
“But I guess that ‘pales’ in the face of feeling girly.”
“NTA.”- sparklyvenus
“Why are you staying with someone whose abject refusal to care for themselves clearly has a negative impact on you?”- TallLoss2
“NTA.”
“It’s unfortunate that hyper macho masculinity culture is literally making your BF slowly kill himself, and be miserable, rather than take care of himself.”
“He obviously values his masculine macho man image more than his relationship, health or even his own life.”
“That’s just utter insanity.”
“Like it’s literally not sane behavior whatsoever.”
“Your life and relationships should be number one in your life, not the image you show to just some shitty friends.”-r2bl3nd
“NTA.”
“You care about his well being.”- RecklessCreature
“I knew a girl who died at 24 from skin cancer.”
“This is not to be fucked with.”
“Honestly, where do you see this relationship going if he’s determined to die before he’s 30?”
“NTA.”- rescuesquad704
“Your bf needs to check his feefees at the friggin door.”
“My grandfather, rest his soul, had multiple melanomas towards the end of his life.”
“And by then the cancer turned inwards.”
“There is nothing manly dying like that.”
“My grandfather fought for years to stay with us.”
“But i can tell you this at least.”
“He used sunscreen.”
“Your bf, according to my husband, needs to check his testicles at the door.”
“You being concerned is not an attack on his masculinity, his fam has a medical history.”
“And that needs to be taken seriously.”
“NTA, his doctor needs to know the truth.”
“For his sake, and to make sure, his doctor is not liable, just because your bf lied because of feefees mentioned earlier.”
“Honestly, if my husband were this stubborn i’d ask for an annulment.”
“Or at the very friggin least smack the ever loving sh*t out of him.”
“Thankfully, he’s not that stubborn.”
“Yes, he had a little bit sliced/burned away, because i had a fear of skin cancer.”
“Thank F*ck he agreed after I explained my reasoning.”-Fun_Macaroon9841
If the OP’s boyfriend was no doubt embarrassed and upset by how his refusal to wear sunscreen led to an unfortunate result, one can’t help but wonder what he felt lying to his doctor would accomplish.
Or why he would get angry at the OP, who spoke up purely out of concern for his health.
If he wishes that he had a girlfriend with less inclination to speak up, his wish might very well come true sooner than he thinks.