Redditor sevenseas59 comes from a religious family.
When it comes to family conversations, any mention of sex is a topic they all avoid as an unspoken rule.
That all changed when he brought his girlfriend over for a cookout at his grandparents’ house.
After an awkward incident during a game of Texas Hold ‘Em, he started shutting his girlfriend out.
He visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling my girlfriend that I wasn’t going to do anything with her with my family for a long time after she said something really embarrassing in front of them?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I think maybe I’m over reacting to it, but it was super embarrassing and awkward after she said it. My mom said I should come to a cookout at my grandparents and said I should bring my girlfriend so they can meet her.”
“So we went and it was good at first. After we ate some hamburgers and stuff we played Texas hold ‘em, which we do a lot. They’re short games with 50 chips that only last a couple hours usually.”
“Anyway, I was in a hand with my girlfriend, and I bet the flop and she called. She was low on chips, so when I was about to bet again she blurted out ‘if you bet again I won’t have s-x with you for a month.'”
“It was sort of awkward and I felt really embarrassed. My family is Christian, and we barely ever even swear around each other.”
“Talking about s-x is something I’ve never done with any of my family and I felt so uncomfortable even though it was a joke. I feel like my relationship around my whole family shifted.”
“But I’m maybe being a little dramatic and most of them don’t care, but to me it was awkward as hell.”
“I ignored her and bet so she folded. It wasn’t too bad after that but the air changed and I was sort of embarrassed the rest of the time. I told her that was a super inappropriate joke and it was embarrassing, she said she wasn’t thinking and didn’t mean to say it.”
“But she didn’t apologize at all. Then she texted me and asked why I wasn’t replying much and if I was ignoring her. I said no but I was still a little mad, then we got into a little bit of an argument and I told her she wouldn’t be around my family for awhile.”
“It marred the relationship I had with almost everyone, my aunt, uncle, cousin, younger siblings, and my parents and grandparents all know about us having s-x, which maybe they assumed, but it’s awkward they know that about me now.”
“So I’m pretty upset. She says I’m making way too big of a deal out of it. AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA, I am not Christian and am quite liberal and I would never make a sex related comment in front of my or my partner’s family, especially while meeting someone for the first time. It is tacky, rude and quite awkward.” – carlamarx86
“I agree and she really needs to acknowledge OP’s embarrassment, validate his feelings, and apologize. Instead, she’s doubling down.”
“I do think she was probably nervous given the situation, but she still should have thought a lot more before making the ‘joke.'” – poet_andknowit
“NTA my family is super religious and if my partner said something like this in front of them I’d be mortified. Just because it might be socially acceptable for some doesn’t mean you should say it in front of all audiences.” – chobanihowitzer
“NTA.”
“That is mortifying and so tacky. If she doesn’t know how to behave around your grandparents, I wouldn’t bring her around my family either.”
“That said, my brother’s girlfriend has made embarrassing reference to her sex life with my brother in front of us and we still like her. Maybe ask a cousin if it was really that big a deal.” – newbeginingshey
“Yeah, OP, my family was super conservative too. They assumed a lot, but we never said it. If I had a partner who said that in front of my family, it WOULD change things between us for the worse.”
“I think you could forgive your GF if she was sorry and understood where you were coming from and assured you it wouldn’t happen again, but her behavior tells me she may not be the partner for you.” – crystallz2000
“NTA. That’s a real cringe worthy comment, because now the whole family had a visual in their heads of you two going at it. Totally inappropriate and embarrassing thing to say.” – Chargednotconvicted
“Nta- She made a bad 1st impression. It happens, but the fact after you explained how it made you feel, and she isn’t even willing to apologize for that speaks volumes.”
“The comment itself is problematic as well. That’s manipulative, to weaponize sex in a relationship is a very slippery slope. Before you say ‘it was a joke’ again.”
“All jokes come from a thought you have 1st, so it’s not out of the realm to think she will do it, being serious later on.” – There_R_NO_MOUNTAINS
“NTA.”
“Regardless of family values, views, etc., that’s just an out-of-line comment to make anywhere at anytime. ESPECIALLY when it’s her first time meeting your extended family.”
“This was her first impression to the rest of your family and sometimes those do matter, so I don’t blame you for being uncomfortable. Don’t let anything she says make you think otherwise, that was random and inappropriate.” – randoguu
“NTA. The fact that you said that it made you uncomfortable and she didn’t apologize is immediately an issue.”
“Is acceptable for you to say that that is inappropriate talk and it’s not something you want to do around your family, your partner would apologize and tell you they weren’t going to do it again, someone who doesn’t like you very much would argue with you and then get angry that you aren’t texting them as much.” – JCBashBash
“NTA we all say things we shouldn’t sometimes and the least she should do is apologize. That’s bad to say in front of family whether they’re religious or not, and if you’re serious about staying together she needs to recognize that.”
“If I had said that, I’d casually be mentioning around them that I’m sorry for what I said and acknowledging that it was inappropriate. Own up to your mistakes.” – lisa111998
“NTA. She could have just apologized for hurting your feelings inadvertently, but instead she dug her heels in.”
“If it makes you feel any better, while they probably thought the comment was weird, keep in mind that they probably hear much worse at school, work, etc. It was still an inappropriate comment for her to make tho.” – acryingnidoking
“NTA- my parents aren’t religious, they’re extremely liberal; even my grandparents and we have a super open-communicative relationship but even I would be uncomfortable with my partner making a joke like that in front of my family, it’s just not respectful.” – marzzyy__
“NTA, If the joke tone was taken out of this then this is what she actually said in front of your family and why it’s awkward with all of them now.”
“‘I will withhold the sex that I am having with you over what I feel would be a slight in a friendly game of poker.’ In front of your family no less.”
“Boil it down further and you get ‘I will withhold love from you until you do what I want’. Big, Ginormo, Humungous, red flaggerino.”
“Don’t care if she was joking tho, she outed your sex life and her immaturity in front of your family when you were bringing her there to further bond with them and embarrassed you in front of them.”
“No, you aren’t in the wrong for not bringing her to family functions for a while, she can’t be trusted if she just blurts stuff out like that without thinking.”
“I’d be less worried about that though and more so about her lack of apology or acknowledgement, and her mocking you by saying your making a big deal out of your very valid feelings.”
“Then she acted like she didn’t know why you were upset and not replying. You told her why clearly, she just chose to ignore it.” – WishGiraffe
“NTA. This is one of those situations where your family probably already knew you guys were having sex but it doesn’t need to be brought up because some people may not want to think about that.”
“I nearly threw my husband out the window when he made a sexual comment in front of my mom and sister.” – bloominblossum
Overall, Redditors thought the girlfriend should’ve read the room and apologized when the OP called out on her indiscretion.
Redditors also thought her lack of understanding of the situation was a red flag in their relationship.