Choosing a name for your child is never as easy as anyone hopes it might be.
Not helped at all by the fact that everyone will share their opinion on prospective names, even though they have no say in the matter.
Of course, when some people hear a truly ludicrous possibility for a name, they often can’t help but express doubt.
Even if that doesn’t guarantee the expectant parents will necessarily hear these concerns.
The son-in-law (SIL) of Redditor throwaway91023737 had a highly unusual name for his soon-to-be-born daughter.
A name neither the original poster (OP) nor her daughter was particularly in favor of.
However, a scary and unfortunate situation regarding the OP’s daughter allowed
the OP’s SIL an opportunity to give his daughter his first choice of name.
Until the OP interjected.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting my daughters husband see her after her birth?”
The OP explained why she felt the need to block her SIL from getting his way:
“I (47 F[emale]) have a daughter, (24 F) named Leila who just gave birth to her first child.”
“I don’t know much but I know that she and her husband Matt (27 M[ale]) have been having issues on what to name their child.”
“Matt wants to name their baby a ridiculous name, which I won’t specifically name here, but it’s a month.”
“And not something like June, May, or April.”
“Something like October with a middle name that’s color, and once again, not something like violet or Scarlett.”
“Meanwhile Leila wants a more practical name.”
“Because of all this, they have been in marriage counseling, which hasn’t seemed to work.”
“A week ago, Leila gave birth but had to stay hospitalized because of complications.”
“Right after her birth, she was very out of it and wasn’t in her right mind.”
“Matt took advantage of this, and when I asked him what they were going to name their baby, he stated the name he wanted.”
“I knew Leila wouldn’t like this and that it was supposed to be a joint decision, so I didn’t allow him to sign anything, which resulted in him not being able to legally sign off as her father.”
“When Leila woke up, she thanked me for it, but Matt has been refusing to see their baby.”
“What was supposed to be a beautiful phase in their life has been spoiled by his family bombarding her with texts and calls.”
“Now I’m starting to think I may have gone too far since he hasn’t seen his baby in weeks.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to let her SIL see her daughter after she gave birth, thus preventing him from giving her his name of choice:
Nearly everyone agreed that the OP was only thinking of her daughter’s best interests, not even really having anything to do with her grandchild’s name, but her daughter’s safety and autonomy:
“There are two issues here that people keep focusing on.”
“OP didn’t tell the father where the hospital was, so he could not sign any paperwork.”
“OPs daughter was medically incapacitated and unable to exert her own rights after birth, and her husband was planning on taking advantage of that to name the baby something she has firmly refused.”
“Both of these are big issues.”
“I can feel some sympathy for a father missing out on his child’s birth, but the fact that he planned to take advantage of his wife at her most vulnerable moment just to get his way is frankly disgusting.”
“Had he not done that, OP would have told him what hospital they were at, and the paperwork would already be done.”
“This seems to me like a case of the father facing the repercussions of his own actions.”
“He could’ve just acted with integrity and waited for his wife to recover to decide the name.”
“And also, where is his concern for his wife in all this?”
“His first thought is not to worry about her condition but to win a point on the baby’s name?”
“And now he’s pouting and refuses to see her?”
“What a child.”
“We don’t have all the information, but overall, I’m with OP on this one.”
“ESH to NTA, but if it were my daughter I’d probably do the same.”- Last-Campaign-3373
“NTA.”
“While a MIL shouldn’t be interfering in this type of situation, you were not acting on your own behalf – you were advocating for a woman who had just given birth.”
“It’s hard to demonize someone standing between a man who wants to force his decision on someone currently bleeding from an internal open wound the size of a dinner plate.”
“He declared his intention to take advantage of her vulnerable state to make a unilateral decision that he knew was not what the child’s other parent wanted.”
“You only make a decision for someone else when you know they would be ok with it, and a person’s name is not something to be that immature with.”
“And no, don’t come at me with ‘they could change the baby’s name’ that causes extra problems for that kid the rest of her life.”
“I went to college with a girl whose mom changed the spelling of her name when she was a few weeks old, and its a hassle.”- Kitastrophe8503
“I say NTA, but even if you were and should’ve stayed out of it, I don’t think Matt is very mature or ready to be a parent.”
“Refusing to see the baby because he was thwarted from naming his daughter behind his wife’s back.”
“Seriously?!”- Sneezydiva3
“NTA.”
“He was planning on naming her while your daughter was out of it, although he is the father that shows he had no care for your daughter’s opinion in the first place.”
“I think there’s a window for naming the baby, and it doesn’t have to be done right away, and both parties should be present (and aware) of what their child is named.”
“I hope my mother would stand beside me to make sure I was okay with everything my SO was doing if she even thought I’d have second thoughts.”- Extreme-Mushroom9308
“NTA.”
“He wasn’t organized or in communication with his pregnant wife enough to be present at the birth, and you didn’t do anything disproportionate, you just didn’t provide information that would have let him name the baby before your daughter was able to be part of the conversation.”
“How he reacted to that is down to him.”
“Refusing to see the baby is selfish and petulant and will not help his relationship with his wife or his child, which already sounds fragile.”
“The only thing that I can pick fault with is that you said that Matt took advantage of the opportunity of your daughter being very out of it.”
“But I can’t understand how.”
“He wasn’t present, didn’t know where she was, and didn’t get to even see the paperwork.”
“So I suspect there might be part of this story that you are not telling us (or that it might not be true).”- mavenmim
“NTA.”
“He was hours away when his wife gave birth. That’s an issue.”
“His wife didn’t tell him what hospital she was at. That’s another issue.”
“He wanted to take advantage of a situation where his wife and mother of his newborn child was incapable of making a decision, that’s an issue.”
“When he didn’t get his way, he pouted and took his anger out on an hours-old newborn.”
“That’s not someone who is ready to be a husband and father.”- PsychologicalJax1016
“NTA.”
“OP states it was AFTER the birth her daughter was incapacitated.”
“If the daughter wanted the husband there she would have told him when she went into labor.”-OkPresentation9971
“NTA.”
“Your daughter thanked you for advocating for her when she couldn’t do it herself.”- notjimbelushi420
“NTA.”
“How could you possibly be?”
“He’s mad that you got in the way of him taking advantage of the state his wife was in.”- mothwhimsy
“NTA.”
“But he hasn’t seen his baby in weeks?”
“Why is she not divorced yet.”
“Document everything, his tantrum will definitely benefit your daughter in a custody battle.”- Intrepid-Archer-4196
“NTA.”
“Names are one of those two yeses, one no decisions.”
“You advocated for your adult daughter when she was unable to advocate for herself, and she thanked you for it.”
“Little ‘October Ultramarine Throwaway’ would probably thank you as well (and, if not, she can legally change her name in the future).”
“He can always be added to the birth certificate later as well.”
“Matt has been refusing to see their baby’.”
“He’s being a terrible parent.”
“You are not responsible for him deciding not to see his daughter.”
“You are not responsible for the temper tantrum that he is throwing.”
“Little ‘October Ultramarine Throwaway’ is NOT a weapon to be used to hurt her other parent!”
“I do wonder how he’s explaining the situation to his family, though, and what they are saying to your daughter.”
“I would be quite upset with my son if he was refusing to see his own daughter just because he didn’t get to name her ‘October Ultramarine Throwaway’.”
“Like, boy, be for real and get OUT yourself!”- Sea_Peak_4671
Grandparents have no say as to what their grandchild should be named.
Including the OP.
However, considering the OP’s Son-In-Law was nowhere to be seen during the birth of his child while his wife was incapacitated.
Leading one to imagine the OP wasn’t even thinking of her grandchild’s name during this ordeal.