Dealing with in-laws isn’t always a walk in the park.
Sometimes the relationship between a spouse and their in-laws is magical; other times it’s a disaster.
Things can get especially stressful when a baby comes along.
Some in-laws, now grandparents, either don’t understand or ignore boundaries.
This can lead to a lot of drama.
Redditor BuffaloEmbarrassed23 to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not wanting my son to call my mother-in-law ‘momma?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi everyone, I (29 F[emale]) have been with my husband (34 M[ale]) for 9 years.”
“My relationship with my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] (let’s call her Cornelia) has never been great.”
“On the surface, she’s polite and diplomatic, but she has this way of making little digs at me, always subtle enough that outsiders wouldn’t notice unless they knew me well.”
“For example, she buys white chocolate as a gift for me, even though she knows that’s my husband’s favorite, not mine.”
“It sounds small, but it’s these kinds of constant little jabs that build up over the years.”
“My husband and I now have a 2.5-year-old son.”
“When he was born, Cornelia decided she wanted to be called ‘MaCo’ (short for ‘Mama Cornelia’) by him.”
“I didn’t love the idea, but I went along with it because I want my son to have a relationship with his grandmother.”
“For context, when I was pregnant, she used to call my unborn baby things like ‘cigarette butt,’ which I found really hurtful.”
“Recently, my husband took our son to visit his parents.”
“When they came back, my son suddenly wasn’t calling her MaCo anymore, he was calling her Mama Cornelia.”
“This really bothers me.”
“To me, there’s only one Momma in his life, and that’s me.”
“I don’t want to be petty, but I also feel like she’s crossing a boundary here, maybe even deliberately.”
“My husband sees where I’m coming from, but doesn’t want to rock the boat with his mom.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So Reddit, AITA for not wanting my son to call my MIL ‘Momma?'”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Start referring to her as ‘granny’ at home.”
“Also, your husband is an AH here for not having your back.” ~ bokatan778
“I think she needs to be re-titled Grandma Corny.”
“OP is definitely NTA.” ~ The_lunar_witch
“My MIL also acted like yours and OPs.”
“She ended up kidnapping my daughter.”
“Cannot emphasize enough that that needs to be SHUT DOWN IMMEDIATELY!”
“NTA.” ~ oO0Kat0Oo
“OP needs to ask her husband how he would feel if her son called her father or someone else ‘Daddy X.'”
“Sadly, some people refuse to see how wrong a situation is until they experience it themselves.”
“You need to tell your husband that there is no ‘not rocking the boat’ when someone interferes with your marriage or your child.”
“He either grows a backbone and stands up to his mom, or the marriage is going to crumble.”
“I mean, who wants to sleep next to (or with) a person that doesn’t have your back?”
“A person who allows your role as your child’s mother to be threatened?”
“He needs to understand that.”
“And from now on, MIL is only referred to as grandma.”
“If she doesn’t follow that, you go home.”
“And son only sees grandma with you present because obviously your husband isn’t going to correct her.” ~ JustKindaHappenedxx
“My own mother wanted to be called ‘Mini Mom,’ because she’s small in stature.”
“Turns out she was insane.”
“SHUT. IT. DOWN. NOW!”
“Grandma is a perfectly acceptable moniker for a grandmother. NTA.” ~ Putrid_Magi
“NTA – just start calling her Granny Cornelia, you will say it more times than she will.”
“The name will stick, don’t budge, and don’t let it continue.”
“Talk to your husband first and often, you need to have him inside.”
“It’s creepy.”
“Update: just thought, if anyone corrects you or your child.”
“Say something dismissive like don’t be silly, I’m mummy, that’s granny.”
“The child will instantly see the reason in it.”
“‘Cause ya know it’s reasonable.”
“I’d be putting some more distance in there from the weird woman, who knows what is going on in her brain.” ~ Equal_Dragonfruit280
“Hello, Husband!”
“WHY are you willing to rock the boat with your wife, who is your family now and you should be supporting, but not your mom, who should not be disrespecting your wife this way?”
“Your mother is your past.”
“Your wife and child are your future.”
“Act accordingly!”
“Your wife is NTA, but you need to step up so you aren’t the AH here.”
“Shine up your spine!” ~ KingBretwald
“Feel like you really buried the lede there with her calling your son ‘cigarette butt.'”
“That’s AWFUL!”
“NTA. She’s pushing boundaries on purpose.”
“She sounds like a very petty, passive-aggressive woman.” ~ dogsandwhiskey
“NTA – there’s a phrase for the jabs your MIL gives you over time – ‘death by a thousand paper cuts.'”
“What you are feeling is real.”
“She is an a**.”
“Anyone who says otherwise has the luxury of not having someone do this to them and doesn’t know how to be empathetic.”
“Your husband needs to get his mom to stop this behavior by enforcing boundaries.”
“She is a grandmother, not a Mama Cornelia.”
“Plain and simple.”
“It’s overbearing, creepy, and an unfortunate sign of things to come.”
“If she knows she can get away with this, she will keep pushing when other opportunities present themselves.” ~ Historical_Bag_5304
“NTA. Maco is fine, or any version of grandma.”
“If you are Mom/mommy/momma, then Momma is not OK.”
“You have a bigger problem, though.”
“Your husband doesn’t stand up for you with his mom, and he really ought to.”
“She will only treat you with proper respect when her son says, “Mom, this is not OK. I love you both, but my wife and child are my top priority.'”
“‘I need you to treat my wife and our marriage with respect. My wife is Momma to our son, you can still be Maco.'”
“Not ‘Mom, my wife isn’t OK with you being Momma. She wants you to stick with Maco.'”
“When mom gives you white chocolate, he should take it and hand it right back to her, saying, ‘Mom, you know my wife prefers milk chocolate.'”
“‘I’ve asked you to treat my wife and our marriage with respect, why do you refuse to do so?'”
“And if she still doesn’t treat you respectfully, then you all should see a whole lot less of her.” ~ Top-Entertainer2546
“Tell him there’s going to be a rocking boat either way.”
“Ask if he wants to be a family man or a mama’s boy; the time has come to choose. NTA.” ~ Zestyclose-Custard-2
“NTA. Having him call her Mama Cornelia is just a route to being called Mama.”
“But I’d have a huge issue with your husband not standing up for you all these years.”
“He’d rather make you upset and uncomfortable than make his mom upset and uncomfortable.” ~ ladancer22
“NTA- Not wanting to let your kid call anyone else mom is totally normal.”
“It’s a special name, and it’s one you have every right to reserve for yourself and assert who’s the mother and who’s the GRANDMOTHER!”
“Maybe try correcting your son to say ‘grandmama Cornelia’ or something along those lines.”
“If she makes a fuss, let her know you don’t want him getting confused between his mama and his grandmama, but he does not need to call anyone else mama.” ~ Kukumber_Koi
“NTA, and in addition to your MIL problem, you have a husband problem.”
“He doesn’t want to rock the boat with her, so he’ll rock the boat with you instead?”
“That’s messed up.” ~ samanthamaryn
“Hard pass.”
“Check it now and tell your husband to check it now too.”
“If he doesn’t think it’s a ‘big deal,’ then your son can only visit grandma when I’m present, since no one wants to knock off the microaggressions. NTA.” ~ Mandiezie1
“NTA. Mama is a name for a mother, not a grandmother.”
“Maybe suggest ‘Granny’ instead.”
“Also, your husband prioritizing not rocking the boat with his mother over your very valid feelings is BS, and why she keeps up her little microaggressions and will continue to as long as it goes unchecked.” ~ hannahkelli
“NTA. She’s walking all over you, and you and your husband were letting her.”
“Call her whatever you want to call her, refer to her as ‘grandmother’ in for of your child.”
“He will pick upon it and start using ot amd don’t let him go to her house without you present.” ~ International-Fee255
“NTA. ‘Momma/Mama X’ isn’t that unusual for a grandma, but I think it’s regional, at least in the United States.”
“I think it’s more common in the South (not sure about elsewhere).”
“And if that were the actual issue, I’d say NAH and it’d be a communication issue.”
“But the problem is that it sounds like your MIL is going out of her way to disrespect you, and your husband isn’t standing up for you.”
“It’s hard to give her the benefit of the doubt here about the name when she treats you badly in general and insulted your baby before he was even born.” ~ didifallasleep13
“You are NTA.”
“She will continue to trample your boundaries if she isn’t stood up to.”
“And even then she will try.”
“No or low contact is the only way to have a ‘relationship’ with people like this.” ~ No-Mud-9304
“NTA, but if you want to change it, change it now.”
“He’ll mostly hear her name by whatever his parents refer to her as, so just call her whatever you want.” ~ beedieXP88
“Your husband is an a**hole – if he sees your point, not rocking the boat is like choosing his mum over you.”
“You have a husband problem. NTA.” ~ MaryVonDerInsel
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your husband needs to step up and handle this.
It will only get worse.
Grandma knows what she is doing.
You have every right to be upset.