There's no time in a person's life when they will be more vulnerable to illness than when they are first born. That's why it's so important for them to receive the vaccinations they need and for the people around them to be as healthy as possible.
But some people insist that they should be able to be around a baby, just because they want to be, even if they're also an avid anti-vaxxer, side-eyed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Bernoodermooster's parents were unfortunately of this mindset and were increasingly resentful of not being able to meet their grandson because they had not been vaccinated.
When other people in the Original Poster's (OP) life, like their wife's parents, were happy to help keep their baby safe, they felt guilty about their parents but knew they were doing the right thing for their baby's safety.
They asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for not letting my unvaccinated parents meet my baby?"
The OP and their wife were insistent that the people around their baby be vaccinated.
"Our baby is six weeks old and is set to receive his DTaP vaccine at or around week eight."
"I informed my parents (who are staunch anti-vaxxers) about a week before our son was born that we would not let him come into contact with anyone who hasn't received the Tdap vaccine or booster shot within the last 10 years, until he is old enough to get that vaccine at two months."
The OP's and their wife's parents reacted to this boundary very differently.
"Mom and Dad were understandably upset, and still are. They did offer to wear masks if we let them meet our baby."
"I don't like keeping my son from them on principle, but I don't want to remove that boundary just to make them happy at the potential cost of my son's health."
"My wife and I are in agreement with this, and her family did receive the vaccines when we asked them to."
"Also, my dad was hospitalized several years ago from COVID and nearly died. Apparently, he was told by his doctor that receiving the whooping cough vaccine is too risky due to the amount of scarring on his lungs."
The OP's parents became increasingly resentful about not getting to meet their grandson.
"The situation is getting worse, and their resentment toward me and my wife is growing."
"I also work with my dad at our family business, and while he is cordial with me and hasn't complained directly to me, my mom has sent me some ugly messages."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that babies need to be protected from vaccine-preventable diseases.
"Children die from vaccine-preventable diseases. Please stand your ground and NTA." - Necessary_cat735
"My younger brother was hospitalized with pertussis. IMO you are not being punitive. Usually people have at least a mild cough, I believe." - Psychological-Dot475
"I was vaccinated as an adult when we had a local pertussis outbreak thanks to antivaxxers, and I still got it and was sick for four months. There were days I thought I was dying and almost welcomed it. Herd immunity prevented breakthrough infections for decades until the antivaxxers ruined it. I wouldn’t wish pertussis on my worst enemy, not even them, but they are my worst enemy." - blueskies8484
"I don't even need to get past the title to determine NTA."
"Your child's health trumps your parents' hurt feelings."
"What if you let them see your child and the child got sick because of them? How would they feel then?"
"It's your child, so it's your rules. You're not keeping the baby from them; they're keeping the baby from them. They get the shot; everything's OK. So they're choosing not to get a shot. They're doing this to themselves." - Vandreeson
"I am a pediatric ER doc, and I am frankly terrified by the number of people who are refusing to vaccinate their kids. Right now we have decent herd immunity, but in 10 years?"
"NTA. I have treated a few kids with pertussis (only a few because, you know, vaccines) and it is miserable. Sometimes young babies cough until they turn blue."
"The other thing I have learned in my career is that parental concern is important. That doesn’t mean I do whatever the parent wants, but I do take it into account. In your case, you don’t want to be worrying about your new baby! That matters, too." - Loud-Bee6673
"I know one person who has had actual doctor recommendations to not get certain vaccines, so if this was me, I’d be super apologetic but still stand my ground that we can’t wait for you to meet them once they have more protection elsewhere."
"It sounds like OP’s dad had a recommendation to not get it due to repercussions of COVID, but if they’re already anti-vaccine, I don't know if I'd trust that doctor's recommendation implicitly if I didn’t believe he would get that immunization even if he could, ya know?" - witchywoman713
"I’d frame it as, 'I’m sorry you value your antivax beliefs more than meeting your grandson.'"
"OP, I’m with you. I very much doubt their doctor told OP's dad to skip a vaccine that prevents a severe viral cough because of prior COVID. If they did, they found a quack to validate their prior antivax beliefs (there’s often one in town that the antivax people tell each other about), but I’ve seen so many people flat-out lie that their doctor told them not to get vaccinated."
"Getting whooping cough would be so much worse for OP's dad; if he actually has that much scar tissue, getting an infection will mess with his oxygen levels even more and put him at risk of a pneumothorax. There’s nothing keeping OP’s mom from getting vaccinated. If OP’s child got whooping cough, it would be a severe issue."
"They want to have their autonomy over their own health choices? Okay, they’re adults. Under that logic, as I’m sure they told their kids growing up, OP and their spouse are the only ones who get to make health choices for their minor children and have full unquestionable autonomy, too."
"OP’s parents can make those antivax choices for themselves, but they don’t get to invalidate OP’s predetermined and clearly communicated requirements. The grandparents need to accept it, or they’re massive hypocrites."
"Their desire to see the kid right away doesn’t in any way take priority over OP’s choice to protect their baby’s health. They’re not free from the consequences of other people’s reactions to their choices. They don’t get to set rules for their adult children’s families in any way, and sending them nasty messages says a lot about what kind of parents they were." - TheJointDoc
Others who had been asked by their loved ones to get vaccinated willingly went.
"NTA. Just look at the measles outbreak right now..."
"We got Tdap and MMR before grand was born. No brainer, keeping the little one safe. OP's parents do not sound safe under any circumstances." - Suspicious_Name_8313
"My pregnant daughter said I needed to get updated vaccines, so I went that day. My stbx didn’t and wasn’t allowed around the baby until he did." - FlounderBetter2204
"My DIL asked me to get TDAP about three months before her due date. I was at a pharmacy getting a shot before the end of the day."
"I still prepared myself to maybe have to wait until she was home from the hospital at least a few days to see my new granddaughter, and absolutely thrilled when I was invited to the hospital to see her the same day she was born. Even more thrilled to have my sweet DIL ask if I wanted to hold her."
"A little respect for DILs and new parents goes a very long way." - definitelytheA
"I'm not allowed to get the DTaP vaccine because I'm allergic to eggs. When my niece was born, my sister wouldn't let me come around her until she was able to be vaccinated."
"The situation wasn't anyone's fault, but I understood it was necessary to protect someone I loved."
"My point being, even if they truly can't be vaccinated, that doesn't change the risk to the baby, and therefore having them stay away still makes OP NTA, in my opinion." - zanylanie
"NTA. They made their choice about the vaccine; you made yours about who gets close to your six-week-old. Neither choice requires the other person to be happy about it." - Mohitosan_
The subreddit welcomed the OP's boundary with open arms, happy to see the child's health and safety prioritized over someone's feelings about meeting them.
As lovely as it would eventually be to meet their grandson, it was better to meet a strong, healthy grandson than a compromised one; and if they met him now, as they wanted, they would have a compromised grandson.
