It's just a fact that kids get dirty. Even if your own child is fastidious, unless you encase them in plastic 24/7, at some point, some other kid will get them messy on the playground, in the classroom, or in the cafeteria.
Having kids means dealing with messes. The most a guardian can do is make efforts to mitigate the inevitable damage.
A parent turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a mother demanded reimbursement for their daughter's stained dress.
Jedikimica asked:
"AITA for not wanting to pay for this little girl’s dress?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"A couple weeks ago, I threw my daughter a tea party for her 7th birthday at a small local play place with about 18 of her friends. The invitation stated to bring their dolls and stuffed animals as honored guests and that there would be a toy painting activity as well."
"The owner of the play place is a super lovely mom who was absolutely amazing and handled everything for me so I could be stress free and enjoy the party. I was a little concerned about the paint getting everywhere but she told me it should come out easily if anything got stained."
"One guest’s mom was away on a trip and asked if her 80 year old father could bring her kindergarten aged daughter. I said 'Absolutely! No problem!' I didn’t think anything of it."
"Six days later, the mom contacted me upset that her daughter’s expensive dress was stained and ruined by the paint from the party."
"When I pointed out that painting was on the invitation, she said the host or business owner should be responsible and the kids should have worn smocks. I understand wishing there had been smocks, but also if she already knew that there would be painting, why would she let her 5-year-old wear an expensive dress?"
"I reverse Google image searched based off a picture of the daughter from a group picture and the dress was $78 from what I can find."
"So then, this mom ends up contacting the owner and demanded that she pay for the dress that was ruined! Like WHAT?! I’m just shocked by the audacity of this woman!"
"The poor sweet owner ended up offering to pay her 50%. We live in a small town and the owner doesn’t want any more drama. But the owner messaged me and warned me that this mom said she would ask me to pay for the other half of this dress."
"For context, I barely know this mom. Our daughters are just playground friends and our kids also play on local sports teams together so I invited them out of polite courtesy. If I had known she was like this I would have ripped up her invitation. Now its’s going to be so awkward seeing her at games."
"I feel bad about the dress and that the helpful owner is paying. But does sending a child to an advertised painting activity in an expensive outfit make the host responsible for replacing it? Would I be unreasonable to decline if she asks?"
Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA, I wouldn't pay, but also wouldn't invite her to anything again." ~ benjm88
"I would 100% warn all the other parents and about the risk of inviting this child to a birthday. I'd be afraid she would sue another parent over a perceived slight." ~ An_Boin_De
"Agreed. Poor kid, feel bad for her, but that mom has just ruined her social life because anyone who knows about this is not going to risk hosting that kid." ~ MaySeemelater
"This. The mother is so hyperfocused on getting the money that she forgot her daughter will bear the consequences of her actions. Sucks that she went looking for someone to blame just to hide her own irresponsibility." ~ IceSeeker
"It makes me feel really bad for the kid because I can see how it probably went. The girl was excited for the party and wanted to wear her nice dress and her grandad (who likely didn’t know what type of party it was/didn’t know how expensive the dress was) thought it was a wonderful idea."
"But now because the mother can’t accept that 'ok, I messed up I should have planned an outfit out with her' and just come to terms that the dress is ruined (though I am shocked that it can’t be dry cleaned?) she’s going to ruin her kids social life." ~ FondantLegal2788
"The sad part is that the kid did nothing wrong here, she should not be missing out on her birthday parties because her mother quarrelled about a dress. Hopefully the adults will be able to keep the drama away from her because she will be the one that will suffer the consequences in social terms." ~ Few-Werewolf-8079
"100% this. Her mum sounds the type that would invite kids to a party then send invoices to everyone too.The owner of the play place should be reimbursed back by the mother. They should never give in to people like her as it could damage her business more if others think she's a push over."
"I took my daughter to plenty of play places with painting. Don't ever remember anyone helping put smocks or aprons on them. If parents did, that was their choice, but think about how much time would be lost if the person hosting had to put them on every child."
"The grandfather, if he stayed instead of dumping and running, should have done it. Though I doubt an 80-year-old would give a damn between a fancy dress and play clothes.This is all on the kid's mother. Bet she didn't read the invite, just saw tea party, free childcare with food."
"She's a piece of work. Warn everyone so they can be prepared for future issues." ~ IntelligentCitron917
"You reminded me of my coworker's story. Her 7-ish year-old daughter attended a party at Build-a-Bear, where each attendee got to build a bear. At the end of the party, the host mom made all the attendees hand over their bears to the birthday girl. My coworker's daughter was devistated." ~ PurplePufferPea
"I'm willing to bet if OP asked around she would find she wasn't the only one to have this kind of encounter with this mom." ~ M312345
"Invite the child (poor kid shouldn’t be shunned because her mom sucks) but require mom to return by mail a signed RSVP with a liability waiver on the back." ~ Pure-Kaleidoscop
"I get it, but most folks have enough going on in their lives to not want to deal with this person's drama in addition to it. Honestly, I'd not invite the child to my party either. Parties are expensive and stressful enough—you don't need the threat of litigation on top of it!" ~ FaitAccompli73
"I’d want to see the dress and receipt, and if I did decide to pay, I would keep the dress." ~ teatabletea
"This. Tell her you will buy the dress from her and want the physical dress in your hands before you pay. My guess is it's not actually all that damaged, and you can wash it and re-sell it."
"I might consider paying half of what the shop owner paid to the mom to the shop owner to make up for having to deal with her. Definitely wouldn't give the Mom anything. (NTA, obviously.)" ~ KCC8720hsl-N
"I would tell this woman that her behavior is the reason her daughter will never be invited again and ask her if she really wishes that for her daughter. Please start to shame people for their bad behavior again!" ~ cosmickittycar
"This is a much better way to deal with this, well I mean talk to her about how this will effect her daughter in a small community. Word will get out, gossip will happen (the nice lady at the event place is also part of the community I assume) and her child will be affected."
"Is this her 1st child? She may be so entitled and clueless that you might be helping this parent and child by pointing this out. Do not pay for the dress." ~ Sakura1375
"That poor kid will not understand why they aren't invited to things for a couple more years." ~ OverthinkingWanderer
"That pairing of zero payment and permanent social exclusion is the cleanest way to neutralize this kind of entitlement. Have you seen the ruined dress? Because she might be trying her luck if these were wash out paints."
"Maybe offer to clean the dress. But I suspect she wants the money (and let me guess, it's an expensive dress)." ~ CatCharacter848
"This is a very good idea. I think it’ll be much cheaper to just wash the dress or have it cleaned." ~ BeneficialBake366
"It's not. It means more interactions with a petty person who probably won't be happy with the cleaning job. She wore a fancy dress to a paint party. Not your problem (and the mom is a loon for trying to make it someone else's problem)." ~ chubs66
"Waiting almost a full week to report the stain strongly suggests a cash grab." ~ Yzelrion
"And ask to see the invoice for the dress, too. Face it, there is no ruined dress. This is just an opportunist." ~ SaltyFriend705
"I would not go down this route personally. It lends credibility to her take. Even if the dress is ruined from paint, its on her and you should not offer to clean it." ~ Jorrissss
OP was assured that the child's dress is not their problem. The girl's family member let her wear an expensive dress to a paint party.
