We've all heard of people having best friends of the opposite sex who eventually cheated on their spouse with their best friend. We've also heard of creepy accounts where siblings are a little too close.
But sometimes people are naturally, platonically close, especially when they've gone through traumatic experiences together, reasoned the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit, and that relationship remains important to them, even when they become romantically involved with someone else.
Redditor ParticularValued had a tough childhood alongside his sister, and while they had to go no contact with their father, they were very close and symbolized their siblingship with matching bracelets.
Honoring his commitment to always wear it, the Original Poster (OP) planned on wearing it for his wedding day, despite his future wife's complaints that he was making their wedding day about his sister instead of her.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for telling my fiancée I was going to wear my bracelet to our wedding and that I was not going to remove it?"
The OP was excited to marry his fiancée.
"My fiancée (27 Female) and I (27 Male) have been together for three years, and we're going to get married next month."
The OP also wore a special bracelet to commemorate his relationship with his sister.
"To provide some context, my sister (29 Female) and I had a pretty terrible childhood."
"We lived in a single-parent house with our dad, and it was a pretty traumatic time for us as he was very emotionally abusive. He shouted at us a lot and made us cry many times. We are now in no contact with our dad."
"When I was 13, my sister handmade two bracelets, one for each of us, each with a mix of blue beads and green beads, which were our eye colors, and we made a promise then that we would wear it the rest of our lives."
"And we have. I still occasionally remove it when I'm at home, but when I'm out, I always wear it, even though some might think it's a bit childish."
"My sister, too, has worn hers constantly over the last decade and a half."
The OP's fiancée did not want him to display his connection with his sister at their wedding.
"While my fiancee has no issues with it, she says that I should remove the bracelet at our wedding because it is all about us as partners, and my sister has no role in it whatsoever."
"My fiancee and I have had many discussions, and I am unwilling to budge. I want to wear the bracelet at our wedding."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some assumed the bride was jealous of the sister somehow stealing the spotlight.
"Why is this the hill she is willing to die on for this major life event? It makes no sense to me. Plus, wouldn't it be hidden anyway?"
"It sounds to me that she doesn't like the symbolism of it and doesn't want him to have bonds with anyone else after they are married."
"I'm throwing a red flag on this one. Sometimes it is the seemingly innocuous things that you need to pay the most attention to." - 2Legit64
"This is obviously something that has bothered her. She has just not said anything about it to OP yet because who wants to marry that? But once the deal is sealed, the jealousy will rear its ugly head."
"NTA." - pathouligirl77
"According to OP the reason she gave is that the day is about them, not him and his sister. It reads to me like she is objecting because she is jealous about how tightly bonded he and his sister are." - Peaceful-Spirit19
"What gets me is a wedding is a joining of families, where you want to be surrounded by all the people you love and care for to witness it. Yet she's trying to exclude your sister instead of joining her family."
"Why the heck is she jealous of his sister throws up red flags and makes me wonder if she would try and push her out of their lives once married."
"Regardless, he needs to get to the bottom of this and make it clear she has no right to demand this and that being married to her doesn't mean his sister isn't a part of his life. He shouldn't have to choose and it's ridiculous she wants him to. NTA." - Sweet-Interview5620
"NTA. If it's important to you it should be important to her. And the fact that she's got such an issue with such a small thing (it could easily be hidden) makes me wonder if there's no underlying jealousy of your sister or something. I would ask her how she'd feel if the roles were reversed." - ObjectiveLength7230
"A jealous bride. Scary."
"She needs to be more important than his family of origin. He's known these people his entire life. I'm glad when siblings are close. What a bonus to have a friend who is also your sibling."
"But that's not a good thing, to the bride. She's like, 'No! No love for anyone but meeeee!'"
"Be careful, OP. Know where you two stand before you wed. NTA." - SweetWaterfall0579
"My brother is a soldier and has been for 25 years now. Before his first deployment to Iraq, he gave me a wristband of his battalion tartan (we're Scottish). I never take it off and have literally been wearing it for 25 years, including at my wedding."
"People have noticed if I've taken it off but that's only ever at home if say we're decorating, painting walls or such like, so it doesn't get ruined."
"NTA. The fiancée needs to get over it and realize it's important to you, the wedding is your day too OP, it's not just about the bride." - hepburn17
Others agreed and were worried about the bride's motivations.
"I can't imagine, knowing the story behind it, wanting OP not to wear it. The bride-to-be is either a ridiculous bridezilla or she's planning even now that they will distance themselves from her in-laws after marriage and make things All About Her."
"If she keeps insisting, it's probably not a good long-term match because it speaks of more issues down the road. Who wants a partner who will pitch hissy-fits about things that are meaningful to you while insisting she gets everything she wants?" - Gatodeluna
"You need to remind your fiancée that it's not just 'her' special day but 'our' special day, and the bracelet is special to you. These days, it's getting more ridiculous what expectations brides are projecting on others to have their perfect Instagram wedding."
"Tell her the bracelet is non-negotiable, and if it's her hill to die on, then so be it."
"OP, your fiancée is about to show you her true self and how she'll react in the future when she doesn't get her way. Make sure you're paying attention."
"NTA." - tryintobgood
"NTA. Your bracelet means something deep for you. Does she have issues with your sister? It seems weird she's so against you wearing your bracelet on your wedding day."
"There's more to this, there has to be, because I would assume you'd be wearing a tux or a suit, so in theory, it probably wouldn't even be seen. I'd be speaking to your sister and asking if there's been tension or something between them."
"Your bride-to-be, in my opinion, is acting like a bridezilla." - MyChoiceNotYours
"NTA, I'm stuck at how your 'sister has no role in it whatsoever.' Does your fiancée not view the wedding as a celebration of your love with your family and friends?"
"Of course your sister has a role!! She is your family, the only family you have left, and she will be there to support and celebrate your love and commitment to your fiancée. I understand not including her in the wedding party if they aren't close, but you'd expect your future wife to at the very least be willing to sacrifice a small detail in the wedding (your bracelet showing) to include her future sister-in-law, specifically when the bracelet means so much to you."
"Honestly, she seems to lack empathy and doesn't seem to understand that the wedding is not all about her and that your feelings matter. It is your wedding, too." - Why_r_people_
"I know it's fiction, but this line from 'Game of Thrones' always rings true for me:"
"'Sometimes, when I try to understand a person's motives, I play a little game. I assume the worst. What's the worst reason they could possibly have for saying what they say and doing what they do? Then I ask myself, How well does that reason explain what they say and what they do?'"
"Imagine, as a romantic partner, being jealous of a sibling relationship."
"Gross. NTA, OP." - mountcrappish
Some urged the OP to sort this out before he and his fiancée married.
"I will say... this wouldn't be the first time someone left things out of a Reddit post. Maybe she's said for years that she's uncomfortable with how close they are. Maybe she has valid complaints that he has put his sister over her when he shouldn't."
"Or maybe she's weirdly jealous. Maybe she's being a bridezilla. Maybe she just thinks it looks childish and he could incorporate it into his boutonniere so it was 'hidden.'"
"No matter what, I think I would want to know why before I got married to her." - knightsofni11
"They should sort all of this out before getting married. Whether OP left something out or not, it needs further discussion, before the marriage."
"It seems she should know how important this bracelet is to OP. Her wanting it hidden cause it looks childish isn't a good reason. It's OP's wedding, too."
"There can be any number of reasons, which is why OP should get to the bottom of this before getting married." - Fragrant-Hyena9552
"When you marry someone you marry into their family, loosely defined as the people most important to each partner. If it is important to you, OP, it should be enough for your fiance to drop it. That she would nitpick on this is somewhat concerning."
"You may want to share with her that you are concerned about how this unreasonable demand of hers will affect your relationship and your level of trust in her support of your emotional well-being. Surely you would feel the same if roles were reversed, right? Then it's worth sharing as a valid concern." - mmebrightside
"Marriage is about accepting your partner in their totality. OP's relationship with his sister is part of the totality of who he is, and it's absolutely 1000% appropriate for him to wear a symbol of that relationship at his wedding."
"I have a necklace of my grandmother's that I wear a lot. If I were to wear it to my wedding, I'm betting people would say it was a sweet way to honor an important relationship."
"I'm guessing it's less about the fact that it's 'not about their relationship' and more about the fact that OP is a guy and there's less of a cultural tradition in the west of guys wearing jewelry to honor their important familial relationships." - readthethings13579
"OP, before you get married, ask her if she considers life-long vows important."
"You've already proven your stance by wearing this bracelet. It's her turn."
"NTA." - energizernutter
The subReddit could not stop shaking their heads over this one and questioning why the bride-to-be had such a problem with her future husband wearing a green and blue bracelet on their wedding day.
Even if it didn't match their wedding colors, the groom's tux jacket sleeve would probably cover it anyway... even if it didn't, it was an important symbol of his relationship with his family, which was supposed to be brought together with the bride's family on their wedding day.
Maybe the bride forgot that wedding days are not just about the bride.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.