We’ve all heard stories of family members not getting along and parents not approving of their children’s future life partners.
But usually, that hatred doesn’t run so deep as to warrant sabotaging a wedding, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit
Redditor bridetobe-ta was already aware that her future mother-in-law (MIL) did not like her and had done things in the past to exclude her.
But when she tried to step in and cancel some important wedding details, the Original Poster (OP) knew it was time to put her foot down.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for uninviting my Mother-in-Law (MIL) from my wedding after she tried to sabotage my wedding dress?”
The OP was not close to her future MIL.
“My future MIL has never been a fan of me (26 Female) for the entire duration of my relationship with my fiancé (29 Male).”
“I’m honestly not sure why it is that she’s always disliked me and been cold to me, but after multiple attempts over the years to build some type of relationship with her (we’ve been together for four years), nothing has worked.”
The OP was surprised at how verbal her MIL was about the wedding.
“She couldn’t give two s**ts about me up until the wedding planning started a few months ago.”
“My fiance and I are paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves, while my dad and stepmom are financially contributing as well.”
“My MIL and FIL have not contributed at all, but MIL is giving her opinion on things as if she’s footing the bill, like ‘You should make the themes this color,’ and ‘Make sure you have this dish on the menu to be served,’ and ‘Don’t do an open bar; you don’t want people being too rowdy,’ and ‘Make sure me, my sister, and cousin are sitting front row at the wedding ceremony,’ etc, etc.”
“My fiancé and I are absolutely sick of this. Every time she tries to give an opinion, we politely shut it down and tell her we have it under control, but she just never gets the hint!”
The situation became more intense while choosing a wedding dress.
“Before she became such a nightmare, I regretfully invited her to come dress shopping because I didn’t want her to feel left out.”
“A few weeks ago, we went dress shopping (my mom and close friends came too) and I found my DREAM wedding dress. I have a curvy hourglass figure, and I found a dress that shows off my figure perfectly and makes me feel gorgeous.”
“The dress is kind of revealing (low cut on the chest and mermaid style), but it’s nothing I’d be ashamed of my family and friends seeing me in.”
“My MIL, on the other hand, HATED the dress I chose. She made sure to express that to me multiple times.”
“She even went as far as to say, ‘This is a wedding, not a strip club. I don’t like it.'”
“Well, I bought the dress anyway since I’m the one paying for it after all.”
The OP was shocked when something almost happened to the dress.
“Last night, my fiancé and I were cleaning up after dinner and I received a call from the shop I ordered my dress from.”
“They were calling me concerned because apparently, a lady (my MIL) called them pretending to be me and wanted to switch the dress I chose to a more appropriate dress.”
“The sales associate realized that it wasn’t my phone number that called to make the change, and called me immediately to confirm before they changed the order.”
The couple was furious.
“I was LIVID. My fiancé heard the entire conversation and was LIVID as well.”
“He called his mom to confront her, and she fessed up, after denying it a few times.”
“I told her if she was so bothered by my dress to consider herself uninvited from the wedding and hung up on her.”
“Safe to say, she is NOT happy. She’s been calling both my husband and me nonstop trying to defend herself, but I’ve had enough.”
“But I feel bad for my fiancé because he won’t get to have his planned dance with her.”
“Did I take it too far?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some applauded the OP for standing up for herself.
“What the MIL tried to do would have RUINED the OP’s wedding if the change hadn’t been realized until it was too late. F**k that MIL. Let her sit at home and sulk. If her fiancé isn’t on board, then he can hit the road. NTA.” – Epsilon_and_Delta
“OP, you need to go in person to all your vendors immediately and set up a password, so this sort of thing doesn’t happen again. Most wedding vendors have seen this stuff before, so they are happy to do this.” – Rodney_Copperbottom
“This is the easiest NTA ever. This isn’t her wedding. She isn’t paying for ANYTHING, let alone the dress. And she seems like a confrontational person to begin with.”
“Time to have fun at your wedding without having to worry about her ruining it by being there.” – sub1030
“NTA. If your wedding dress was reasonably priced, buy a second one. Not for the safety of the dress, to wear every time you see her for the rest of her life.”
“Also, call every single person you’ve hired for the wedding, explain all this, and put a password protect feature on your account for any changes or cancelations.”
“And hire actual security for the wedding (and an additional videographer so you don’t miss a moment of her inevitable meltdown in the parking lot).” – unlovelyladybartleby
“IF fiancé changes his mind and really wants her there, and IF OP ends up compromising, they need to get a minder for MIL.”
“I wouldn’t put it past her to try and spill something on OP’s dress or otherwise disrupt the ceremony.”
“The best course is no MIL, but life rarely lets us pick the perfect course.” – StrangledInMoonlight
“NTA. She has routinely shown that she doesn’t respect you or your fiance.”
“Tell her that if she’d like to be re-invited to the wedding, then she will have to pay you a retainer fee. As such, every time she offers her broke a** opinion, and then she will be charged X. Any time she tries to sabotage, she will have to pay Y. In addition, any scenes caused at the wedding will cost Z, and she will promptly be removed from the venue.”
“Oh, and if you do re-invite her, be sure to seat her at the very back with her sister and cousin. Cause you KNOW she’ll start some s**t.” – silfy_star
Others were grateful to see a couple standing as a united front.
“And an important lesson learned: your fiancee is willing to stand up to his mother to defend you. Keep an eye on how he acts and reacts as this continues. While it would be AH to set up something like this to ‘test’ him, it is a test of your relationship and interactions, and it is entirely appropriate to use it as a moment to get a glimpse of what your future together may be.” – Jazzlike-Humor3340
“NTA. I would have done the same thing. But you and your fiancé need to be in lockstep on this. So if he is/starts hedging, don’t go through with the wedding until you are both on the same page.”
“You need to get these boundaries in place now because MIL will be a nightmare if you have kids or if you don’t.” – ChakraMama318
“It’s so refreshing to hear a partner that stands with their future spouse. Glad you’ve each got the right person in your corner. Have a fabulous wedding.” – No_Appointment_7232
“Making this decision without the unilateral support of the fiancé is a recipe for disaster. This is his mom and his wedding too. He needs to be the one to make the final call with you, or you will start this marriage off with resentment from him.”
“NTA, though. This would totally be my reaction as well.” – UnfortunateDaring
“It sounds like fiancé is just as fed up with momzilla as OP is. He was described as LIVID about the dress incident and doesn’t sound like he’s objecting to her being booted out either.”
“Mom may well have more over-protectiveness (particularly when it comes to partners) than son is willing to put up with, but sounds more like she’ll end up driving him away rather than tying him to her by the apron strings.” – RandomPotato43
“In a way, it’s good it happened now rather than later. You’re going into this marriage with your eyes wide open, and you know your partner will have your back.” – Common_Echo6265
The subReddit was proud of the OP and her future husband for standing up for themselves in the face of adversity. As long as this is what the couple both wanted, the best thing would be for them to go forward and enjoy their wedding day with one less guest, but if they really wanted her there, they likely would need to have some security in place to avoid another dress fiasco or something similar.