A wedding dress is an intimate, sometimes sacred piece of clothing to brides.
They often spend a lifetime dreaming about the perfect gown to accentuate what will hopefully be their perfect day.
So when you find that dress and it’s ruined through the acts of others… it can cause some turmoil.
Case in point…
Redditor Both_Ad8736 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for uninviting my SIL from my wedding after she tried my gown on and accidentally damaged it?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I have a S[ister] I[n] L[aw] ‘Kate’ who I’ve never gotten along with.”
“She is really possessive of my mom, kind of competitive, and sometimes I think my mom likes her more than me.”
“I’m getting married soon and will be wearing my mom’s gown.”
“It is beautiful, custom made, and has a lot of small beading and details.”
“I’m in love with the dress.”
“So I was devastated when my mom reached out and told me that the dress had been damaged due to Kate having a seizure (she has epilepsy) while trying it on and spilling something.”
“Now to be clear I do not blame Kate for having a medical condition.”
“The seizures are pretty well under control, so I’m sure it was unexpected and scary.”
“But I was confused about why she was wearing it.”
“My mom told me she told Kate to put it on so she could take pictures of her.”
“I was grossed out and confused.”
“My mom tried explaining that it was sentimental as it was her dress first, and she wanted to see Kate in it.”
“She said she brought it to the best cleaner and will pay whatever, but I’m still pissed and feel really violated.”
“I decided that I don’t want Kate at the wedding, because I feel so creeped out that she put the dress on.”
“My mom says I’m being unfair as it was her dress first.”
“Kate called me ‘psycho’ and said it’s ok because my mom told her to, and my brother is upset and thinks I’m being cruel because the seizure wasn’t her fault.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole; for the most part.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Buy a new dress.” ~ Desert_Sea_4998
“Agreed. Wearing that dress will be a negative thing.”
“You’ll think of this story whenever you look at the pictures.”
“Find something else. ESH.” ~ Dot81
“How does ESH?”
“The bride lost her wedding dress because her mother and brother don’t respect boundaries.”
“The bride is NTA in reaction at all.” ~ SwimmingDifferent977
“Yeah but you don’t see the possible favoritism at play?”
“Like, I see why OP feels like her mom likes SIL more.”
“Considering it’s ‘SIL’ and not ‘my brother’s gf’ one could assume SIL already got married and had a chance at the dress if either her or mom had wanted to try it on.”
“And ‘seeing my daughter figure put on my wedding dress’ is kinda a special moment OP could reasonably expect to happen to with her, the bride.”
“The fact that this had to happen now, when OP is getting married and should be bonding with her her mother smacks of SIL marking her territory.”
“Even if the dress hadn’t been ruined the moment had been stolen.”
“Even if her mother wasn’t making comments OP would be thinking about how SIL got to steal her thunder by being there first.”
“The mom being an a**hole doesn’t make op an asshole for being upset by it.” ~ mangababe
“I completely agree with you.”
“OP is NTA. Mom and SIL are.”
“As much as OP wants to wear the dress, I would try to go buy a dress that is all my own.” ~ No-Day8754
“ESH? Do you think OP is somehow the AH here?”
“Mom is definitely an AH for wanting Kate to try on a dress that her own daughter was going to wear just to take a picture of it.”
“To have a picture of her DIL wearing the wedding dress before the daughter – who it was being given to?”
“Was she planning to keep that pic a secret from OP?”
“Had Kate not had a seizure, would they have been able to keep the pic a secret forever?”
“Jealousy was Kate’s motivation for wanting to try on the dress.”
“Why the hell did the Mom want to do this?”
“She is very weird for doing this and were I OP, I would go no contact because I’d be angry, hurt and for the lack of trust.”
“Kate is AH for happily going along with it and having the nerve to call OP a psycho.”
“Brother taking his wife’s side without thinking of how unfair it is to OP – AH too, but I get it: he chose the crazy.”
“OP needs a new dress.”
“As for the wedding – NO Kate, NO brother and NO Mom.” ~ IdlersDreamGirl
“This! I have to wonder just how ‘accidental’ was the damage.”
“Nah, Kate was making it all about herself, and OP’s mother allowed it.”
“It sounds like OP’s being treated like a second-class citizen in her own biological family.”
“In her place, I would find another wedding dress and limit my contact with them–before, during, and after the wedding.”
“That includes the preparations, the ceremony, and reception.” ~ DarkViolet99
“Yeah – but ESH.”
“OP’s issue is with her mother first.”
“OP doesn’t currently have possession of the dress, her mother does, it was her mother’s dress first, and her mother gave it to someone else to try on.”
“The dress getting damaged is mother’s fault!”
“Kate may very well have tried to dress on just to keep the mother happy.”
“So if anyone gets uninvited to the wedding, it should be the mother.”
“Kate sucks a bit because she should have known better.”
“But again, we don’t know exactly how the try-on session went, so hard to say if Kate’s a big AH, or just a little one who made a bad judgement call.”
“OP is the AH because Kate didn’t try on HER dress, she tried on the mother’s dress.”
“OP saying it’s ‘gross” is weird.'”
“If it was just OP’s dress, that she bought, I would understand.”
“But Kate didn’t try on OP’s dress because she wishes she was marrying her brother.”
“She tried on the mother’s dress because the mother asked her to.”
“So I don’t think it’s gross.”
“Snd I think OP is taking out her anger on Kate because it doesn’t feel ‘safe’ to take her anger out on her own mother directly.”
“OP is right for feeling hurt, but she needs to direct her anger to the appropriate culprit!”
“And buying a new dress to wear is probably the best way to move past this whole incident!” ~ OrindaSarnia
“Potentially, but the wording OP was told was ‘spilled something on.'”
“It definitely could have been something like incontinence happening during seizure etc, and Mom trying to protect privacy of SIL by wording it like that.”
“Even if it was, I still find it weird that anyone is trying on the dress knowing a wedding with that dress is upcoming.”
“I do know it is mom’s dress ultimately, and I guess a judgement is hard without knowing way more specific details.”
“ETA: OP’s comments are that SIL was drinking a mango smoothie, and that is what spilt during the seizure.”
“I take Reddit with 2 grains of Salt, but if what OP says happened, drinking the mango smoothie while trying on the dress is where I have the problem.”
“Trying it on is weird and not typical, but the mango smoothie is what does it for me.” ~ IndigoTJo
“No one in their right mind brings a drink near a wedding dress unless they’re intending something to happen.”
“I’d still be side eyeing sister in law and also wondering if the seizure story wasn’t created to cover something else up.”
“OP needs to find a dress that isn’t the mom’s.”
“There’s no proof, but something fishy going on here. Rather than trying to figure it out, I’d just put some distance.”
“Also, would not be surprised if the dress is mysteriously determined to be not salvageable or altered in a way OP won’t approve of.” ~ whichwitch9
“Mom can technically let whoever she wants wear it as it is her’s.”
“But seems a little weird that OP is the one getting married, and she’s telling SIL to play dress up in it.”
“It just seems courteous to leave it untouched until after the wedding is over.”
“Then let others try it on.”
“Kate could have had a spine or moral compass and thought the same thing and told mom no.”
“Also I find it coincidental Kate had an episode when she was trying the dress on.”
“Not saying it isn’t plausible at all but given the background OP provides at the beginning… seems suspect.”
“OP should uninvite mom as well though if she wants to uninvite SIL.” ~ babblingbabby
OP… most of Reddit is with you.
It sounds like you and your mom may need a therapy session together.
You deserve a beautiful wedding and a dress just for you.
Good luck.