Being in a bridal party comes with a lot of responsibilities. But completely altering your appearance is not one of them.
Brides need to learn how to showcase people’s personality instead of just focusing on their “aesthetic.”
Redditor ThisbemyAITAThrowacc encountered this very issue with her cousin. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for refusing to get a spray tan for my cousins wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Throwaway because some of my family know my actual Reddit account.”
“I (18F) am a bridesmaid in my cousin’s ‘Taylor’ (25F) wedding.”
“My dress needed to be altered, and we’d got it back, and I was trying it on in front of Taylor when she tells me that she I will need to get a spray tan for the wedding, and which times suit me best for the appointment.”
“I told her that I’m not getting a spray tan, and she said she wanted me to, because all the other bridesmaids are getting one, and that I look a bit pale and pasty in the dress, and she didn’t want me to look washed out in the pictures, next to the other girls.”
“I don’t think I look pale or pasty, and I’ve never had a problem with my skin tone, and I don’t want to look different or, worse, orange with a spray tan, and that she was asking for too much of me, and that I wasn’t getting a spray tan, and too bad.”
The bride offered to pay for a trial spray tan.
“Taylor then said she’s willing for me to get a trial spray tan at the same place before the wedding, for me to feel more comfortable about it, and so I know how I’ll look with a tan.”
“She said she didn’t want me to be orange or have too dark of a spray tan, she wanted me to ‘glow’ and look pretty in her photos. I told her I my answer was still no.”
“She must have told everyone, because my aunt (Taylor’s mom) called me self-centered and selfish, and told me to get over myself. Every other bridesmaid in our group chat tried to convince me to get the spray tan. My mom told me that is a very small ask of Taylor, and that it is her wedding day, and I shouldn’t be throwing a tantrum over a spray tan. Taylor told me she was sad that someone she thinks of a little sister (we are very close), wouldn’t even do this ‘one little thing’ for her big important day, and that she would do anything I ask for my future wedding.”
“I don’t want to get a spray tan, and I still think Taylor is being too demanding. But everyone else is not on my side, and so I ask you guys, AITA here?”
“TL;DR. I’m a bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding, she wants me to get a spray tan, I’m refusing to get one.”
“EDIT: Taylor is offering to pay for my spray tan. I got asked that, and I thought I’d edit this in.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Agreeing to being a bridesmaid doesn’t give the bride the right to modify your appearance. You can always say ‘Sorry, I’m not going to do that. If you wish, I can step down and you can find someone else.'” ~ SilliusSoddus
“This! I don’t understand why brides think they can impose these kinds of rules upon their bridal party. Whatever happened to letting people just look like themselves?” ~ Janetaz18
“Especially since the bride knew these people before picking them, like the reason you pick your bridesmaids is to have them be there for you, and you shouldn’t expect them to change.” ~ Lynnm225
Most agreed people shine the brightest when they look like themselves.
“Yeah, I can’t imagine trying to make my closest friends match instead of just being themselves.”
“The thing I cherish most when I look at my wedding pictures is seeing our friends in the wedding party showing their super different styles and personalities. (My sister wore bat wings. My bestie wore metallic spandex hot pants. My husband’s two best friends wore, respectively, a unicorn horn and a random pageant sash. It was a good wedding.)”
“If they all looked the same in the pictures, I’d feel kind of cheated, because then how would we get that warm fuzzy feeling that comes from seeing all these different and unique people gathered together just to show us love?” ~ sn0qualmie
“That’s what I wonder. Why can’t bridesmaids look like themselves at all? I just told mine the color and approximate length I wanted for their dresses and that’s it. Anything beyond that was their choice.” ~ 20Keller12
“That was me, and I let them pick out the style of dress. I did require matching shoes and that was because my sis in law kept trying to wear white flip flops and the dress was brown. It looked terrible together.” ~ babymish87
“I’m so pale my concealer looks like clown makeup, and I can say one thing for sure: with good makeup and a good photographer, no one needs to look pasty or washed out.”
“That’s exactly what professional makeup is for. Expecting all bridesmaids to be the same skin color is bizarre.” ~ gizmodriver
“I worked in a seriously posh spa in London where proper A Listers came for treatments. We minions used to get free treatments so new beauticians could practice just being comfortable with the routine of this place or test run new products and treatments.”
“This was early 00s and spray tans were fairly uncommon but the most well know brand now was launching and pinky promised it adapted to your skin tone and since I was so pale, why not?”
“They had to pay me to take a week off work because apparently asking an Irish person who is so pale that other Irish people constantly comment that they have darker milk in their fridge than me to have a spray tan that turns them in a human carrot is bad publicity for your spa.”
“It was so bad that the famously ‘we do not speak on the Tube unless someone is dying’ Londoners came up to me and kept asking if it was for charity? Had I had a bucket people would have been bunging ten pound notes at me for an abandoned carrot sanctuary or retired Oompa Loompas.”
“It was so bad I often looked at the 45th President and thought ‘that’s an atrocious fake tan but I have seen worse. That week felt like four years’. Literally children pointing at me because the fact I have red hair which at the time was in a mini mohawk/fin for the icing on the cake.” ~ IFeelMoiGerbil
OP can get really nice makeup instead of a spray tan.