According to Brides magazine, 14th-century wedding guests in England and France believed touching the bride or ripping off pieces of her dress brought good luck. To escape guests' grabby hands, brides began tossing their floral arrangements or garters as a distraction.
Thus the bouquet toss began.
By the 19th century, the practice had evolved into a game to predict who would get married next. The tradition varies, but the general ritual is for all unmarried, single, or available women to try to catch the bride's bouquet.
Some brides want only participants who are single or available, so no one in a committed relationship takes part. Others want anyone who isn't married, so people who are engaged or in long-term relationships can participate.
A woman who ran afoul of what the bride wanted turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Early-Technology-131 asked:
"AITA for catching the bouquet at a wedding?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Hi Reddit. I’m hoping coming here will give me some clarity on a situation that happened recently."
"A little backstory: I (24, female) have a serious long-distance boyfriend (23, male). We have talked about weddings and proposals, so I know one is coming sometime in the future. But right now… WE ARE NOT ENGAGED."
"Anyways. I went to a wedding yesterday of a friend and her now husband. I was invited to her bridal shower, and we were texting on and off before the wedding. We aren’t like super close, but close enough to occasionally text and talk."
"I was having fun chatting around with some mutual friends, dancing, and having a few drinks. Literally it was a good night until the bouquet toss."
"I figured I would stay up to catch the bouquet because I’m not married and the whole 'hahah maybe my ring will come soon' and I literally had two girls I was hanging out with tell me to stay up and catch the bouquet because I’m not married. So I stayed to catch the bouquet."
"Also I thought catching the bouquet meant 'the next to get married'. Maybe I was wrong. This was the second wedding I have been to."
"So by the title, I caught the bouquet and was holding it up all happy. Until the bride came over and said something along the lines of 'what are you doing up here? You’re literally getting married next week! We need to do a redo'. Loud enough that everyone could hear."
"I’m not getting married next week… I’m definitely not getting married next week. I am traveling to see my boyfriend in a few days, but unfortunately I don’t think a proposal is coming since he doesn’t have the ring. (I found out he bought one)."
"I found out a few weeks ago on FaceTime. But he said he doesn’t have it physically. Now could be he be lying and trying to trick me? Yeah. But I’m trying not to get my hopes up."
"After being confronted for catching the bouquet, I was just in absolute shock—I couldn’t say or do anything. They had the flower girl do the re-throw and someone else caught it. After the whole thing, I was fighting off tears and gathered my stuff and quietly left. I didn’t want to cause a scene or anything."
"When I got home, I called my boyfriend and bawled on the phone because I didn’t understand why I was in the wrong. He told me I wasn’t, and even someone else at the party said I wasn’t in the wrong, but I don't know if they are being biased."
"So…. AITA?"
Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. You caught a bouquet, not a marriage proposal. The bride publicly embarrassing you and forcing a redo was way more inappropriate than you staying up to catch it." ~ Mohitosan_
"The bride probably wanted a specific someone to catch the bouquet. So when OP caught it, she humiliated her and forced the rethrow over again." ~ IceSeeker
"I went to a wedding like that. They asked the single ladies to line up for the bouquet toss but said so and so is going to catch it. The video shows ten of us standing there, arms crossed, watching as the chosen one tripped over her dress and the bouquet hit the ground and fell apart." ~ lawrekat63
"NTA. Yes. That happens a LOT. A close friend asked me to be a bridesmaid along with 5 others. We had been besties until she moved to a new town, 90 mins away, but saw each other frequently."
"Prior to the reception, the maid of honor & a couple others (whom I’d never met) pulled me aside to let me know not to catch the bouquet because someone else was going to catch it. 'Don’t spoil this for her by catching the bouquet'.”
"I was more taken aback by the way I was told than anything. The intended woman was pretty much standing alone as the MOH literally pulled others back. The photos look staged, not organic."
"My former bestie & I had spent the night before her wedding at her shower. Just us 2 had a sleepover at her place like old times. She never mentioned it, so I don't know if she knew about their plan."
"Bride isn’t much of a 'friend' to publicly humiliate OP. Frankly, I’d block the bride and go no contact. She wouldn’t get a second chance. OP did nothing wrong. NTA." ~ MizPeachyKeen
"Exactly. And even if OP was getting married next week, who care?? It's a bouquet toss, not some legally binding marriage." ~ glum_threshold
"My aunt caught my mom's, and they literally were getting married in 3 weeks, and no one cared." ~ TinySparklyThings
"If I were the bride and this happened, I would just laugh and say 'guess it works!' and give the OP a hug. I was at a wedding and someone the bride didn't know (she was a plus one) caught the bouquet."
"The bride was very sweet, but she later told me that she wished one of her friends had caught it. It is okay to be disappointed but no one at the wedding knew she was." ~ melodypowers
"NTA.....the bouquet toss is for anyone not married. I'm sorry the bride treated you like that." ~ DickinSasquatch
"NTA. The bride wanted someone in particular to catch it..." ~ Couette-Couette
"Then she should have either arranged it or handed that friend the bouquet. OP is NTA, but the bride and whoever else involved surely are. The bride is not your friend. Too bad you already wasted money on a gift for the horrible woman!" ~ springflowers68
"This is almost certainly what was going on. But if the bride wants someone to catch it, that is something all the single ladies should know, and they can engineer that result, otherwise any unmarried woman is in there with a chance, and bride is a weirdo."
"The first wedding I attended as a friend was my school friend's, less than a year out of school. The bride was heavily pregnant, the reception was in the flat of the only friend who had moved out of her parents' home. It was a fine party, but depressing."
"When the bride tossed her bouquet, all of us took a step back, and it landed on the ground. Someone picked it up, but in hindsight maybe she should have skipped that ritual. NTA." ~ kimba-the-tabby-lion
"Ugh, it's so annoying when someone is arranged to catch the bouquet, but the ones catching don't know (unless the bride just hands it to her). Just tell us about the plan for catching it. I've had times when they've whispered around to the girls not to catch it, that's what you should do." ~ kpmelomane21
"At our wedding there were 7 other couples who would be getting married in the following months. My wife arranged for 'mini' bouquets and during our speeches presented each of them with one and had a toast to all the future brides. We then kept the main bouquet and everyone was happy." ~ Hamsternoir
"We didn't do one at ours. Partly because the only single ladies there were widows. My MIL, Grandmother-in-Law, and my two grandmothers were the only 'single' women there. The only married women were my sister, my mother, and the preacher's wife. Can you tell we had a REALLY small wedding?" ~ JDWhite1982
"At my wedding, my sister-in-law was the only 'single' woman there. She brought her boyfriend who last year became her husband."
"I didn't do a traditional bouquet toss as she would of hated being singled out. I had a load of little girls at the wedding so I had a special bouquet made that split into enough smaller bouquets. One for each of the little girls." ~ Vast-Ad5884
"When we got married, I gave mine to the longest-married couple there, because making single people humiliate themselves isn't really my thing." ~ steffie-flies
"I was in grad school when we got married, and most of our guests were fellow grad students. Instead of next to get married, we announced it as 'The one to catch the bouquet will be the next to get an article published!'"
"All-genders-inclusive, all-ages-inclusive, and people flooded the dance floor to have a shot at catching the bouquet. Elbows were thrown." ~ riotous_jocundity
"I did an all-genders 'the one who catches the bouquet will be next to own a bouquet of flowers', which was also quite popular because apparently everyone wants pretty flowers." ~ iwillf*ckingbiteyou
OP provided a small update:
"I don’t plan to reach out to my friend (the bride). I’m leaving the friendship quietly and without giving a reason. Same as the wedding—I just said goodbye to one person and left quietly. I’ll do the same for this friendship and not say anything."
OP didn't know the bride didn't want her to participate in the bouquet toss.
To chastise her for a rule she wasn't aware of was bad form on the part of the bride.
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