Especially in today’s economy, it’s impressive when a person lands a high-paying, secure job that makes them a totally independent person who can even help support other people.
But unless the person secures one of the top career options, like being a lawyer or doctor, someone will always have something to complain about, pointed out some while rolling their eyes in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Though her parents couldn’t afford to assist her in studying to be a doctor, Redditor Driedtears11 worked hard to become a high-paid nurse at a private practice, and she was proud of her job, her income, and her ability to support those who she loved.
But her future husband’s family did not appreciate the Original Poster (OP)’s hard work and encouraged him to marry a doctor instead.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for breaking up with my heart surgeon boyfriend over his mom’s comments about me being a nurse?”
The OP developed a career where she could independently provide for herself.
“I am 27 (Female), and I am a nurse. I make six figures (in my country, not the US) as a private nurse for a firm that provides care for rich families. I am proud of my career.”
“I wanted to be a doctor when I was a teen, but it wasn’t possible for my family to provide me with a medical education, on and at that time I hated myself for only being a nurse.”
“But by the age of 20, I became a nurse, and now I love it.”
“This job has made it possible for me to buy my own house and car and travel outside the country. I also have a good pension plan and other savings. I can raise a family on my own income.”
The OP’s future mother-in-law was not proud of the OP’s career.
“I had a boyfriend named Rob (28 Male), who specializes in cardio, and we fell in love during hospital visits. He was the one to pursue me. He is soon going to be a heart surgeon.”
“His mom has always made passive-aggressive comments about me being a nurse.”
“He has tried to stop their comments whenever I told him it bothered me. He said to try to ignore, and whenever he tried arguing with them, they said it was just joking, and he shouldn’t disrespect elders.”
“We got engaged recently, and all of his relatives had a family dinner party held by Rob’s parents last week.”
“So his mom and aunts at the dinner table joked around that a heart surgeon like Rob can get any female doctor as a wife instead of me.”
“Rob took offense and said I was very independent and made a good salary myself to take care of the whole family.”
The OP decided she was done hearing her future mother-in-law’s comments.
“This didn’t stop his mom, and she kept making comments.”
“I had enough. I have respect for housewives, but this time, I fired back. I said his mom and aunts were all gold-digging housewives with no life skills outside raising kids and gossiping. They live on their husband’s money, who are rich.”
“Some of them started crying and started shouting. Everyone, including Rob, asked me to apologise.”
“I broke up with Rob on the spot and called off the wedding. As I left, I said I would not sell my self-respect for his family.”
“I’d rather marry a normal man than a surgeon whose family doesn’t respect me.”
“Also, after marriage, we would have shifted to the house next door. I would never have peace in my life, I realized. He would never cut them off, nor would I force anyone to do that, but he also won’t really stand up for me the way I deserve. It’s better to end it now.”
“I left, and Rob has been begging me for another chance. I know he tried to silence his mom. But I don’t see the future. I see a lifetime of taunts, and I can’t ask him to cut off his parents, which he won’t do anyway.”
“My parents keep butting in, saying he is a good catch and to ignore his mom’s comment.”
“But money isn’t everything, and social status isn’t everything. I don’t wanna be looked down upon. But I miss him, and it is breaking my heart.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said that the OP advocated for herself, which was exactly what she should do.
“Girl, you chose you, and I respect that heavily. Like yeah, love is cute and all, but not when it comes with a side of disrespect from the in-laws buffet. You don’t sign up for a lifetime of microaggressions just to be someone’s ‘respectable nurse wife’ when you’re already out here thriving.”
“His mom acting like you’re some peasant for not being a doctor; meanwhile you’re out here making six figs, traveling, owning property? Be serious.”
“And Rob might be a sweetheart, but if he can’t put his mom on mute when she’s coming for your whole existence, then what’s the point? You didn’t lose a heart surgeon, you dodged a future group chat full of backhanded compliments and ‘when are you going back to school?’ vibes.”
“You’re the prize. Always were. Keep the crown on.” – VeraSultry
“Your self-respect and self-worth will keep you company. Right now, you are in the transition phase and you’re weighing that ‘sunk cost fallacy.'”
“Just remember, the problems with his mother and his family are not going to go away. They may pretend to act right to get you to come back around, but it is temporary, and they are the type of self-absorbed folks who will never see what they do as being the bad guy.”
“The only way to even survive something like that is for you both to go no contact with his family, which is probably not something he will be willing to do. After all, they aren’t mistreating him, they are only mistreating you.” – Trick-Style2372
“The fact is, if you marry someone, you marry their family too (unless they are dead or have no contact). But that’s just how it is. And while spousal support is always required, there is only so much s**t a person can take before they break.”
“Imagine getting s**t from multiple people you consider family for years just because you decided to marry a nice guy. Yeah, no thanks. NTA.” – Aggravating-Pie-5565
“F**k yeah, NTA, I can imagine his mom’s passive-aggressive comments would drive me nuts too! Like, if she has a problem with you as an engaged woman, what makes her think it’ll magically stop after you’re married?”
“Some people just don’t know when to keep their mouths shut and mind their own business… Silly me, I guess I’m still naive enough to believe in fairy tales where the wicked stepmother (or MIL) turns into a supportive partner once the wedding bells chime.”
“But hey, at least you stood up for yourself and your hard-earned career, don’t let anyone make you feel less than what you are!” – Tremenda-Carucha
“OP, please know that you know you are NTA.”
“Nursing Job and Financial Independence: Great.”
“Heart Surgeon boyfriend that is on your side: Pretty Good.”
“Breaking up with him so you won’t have to avoid his Gold Digger female relatives dependent on a man for their livelihood and yet want to criticize you for working and making great money: PRICELESS.”
“Never sell yourself out! Those leeches with no job skills don’t matter.” – Stormy8888
“NTA. Don’t take him back because if this is how his family treats you and you’re not even married yet, imagine what would happen if you actually married him. He doesn’t have a spine and allowed his family to disrespect and bully you and then had the nerve to tell you to apologize to them.”
“You dodged the bullet on this one. Move on with your life and don’t look back!” – JunePlum79
Others wondered if the toxic mother-in-law was projecting about herself or just misogynistic.
“Not to knock housewives, because I held that role at a crucial time in our family’s progression, and it can be a hard job, BUT how can a fully dependent housewife look down on a fully independent nurse?”
“Who is to say a female doctor will want starter Doc Rob? When there are all those already independent and established doctors out there?”
“Furthermore, who is to say that a female doctor will respect Rob’s family and maintain a relationship with the mum and aunts?”
“You would think as elders, by now they would know that the grass always looks greener somewhere else.” – encouragement_much
“I’ve been both a fully independent woman with a career and a SAHM. I never understood why some women feel the need to tear others down. We should all support each other.”
“OP’s in-laws must be incredibly insecure to act the way they are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a nurse. It’s a good career.”
“Honestly, no one deserves to be treated the way OP was. I don’t care if they are a janitor or whatever job people seem to look down on. I was taught to treat everyone with respect, no matter what their job is.” – msgigglebox
“Let’s not forget that she’s going after OP for not having a better career when she hasn’t had a job in possibly forever. That takes some guts and is pretty hypocritical.” – Wrong_Moose_9763
“How much you wanna bet that family expects them to marry a doctor but then also expect that doctor to stop her career from being a wife? They want the cloud of being able to control someone’s choices and to fit within their narrow-minded version of what a wife should be.” – Ryoko_Kusanagi69
“NTA. Even if he married a doctor, she would still have a problem because, at the core, she is driven by jealousy look at how easily you walked away because you yourself are very successful and don’t need to beg for scraps from anyone.”
“Your head is held up high; meanwhile, she couldn’t do the same because her life depends on a man and his money. You’re above these people. Choose yourself.” – Impossible_Nebula_33
The subReddit applauded the OP for standing up for herself. Ending a potential marriage might seem like a dramatic move, but spending the rest of her life around people who didn’t respect her would be an even more drastic one.