More and more often, couples getting married are paying for their own weddings. As such, control over what happens usually rests with the couple.
But sometimes, other people still demand a say.
A bride-to-be turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Tricky-Ad4898 asked:
"AITAH for telling my mother-in-law (MIL) she can’t play an AI generated song at my wedding?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My DJ reached out to me FOUR days before my wedding and said my (soon-to-be) MIL (50, female) asked if she could play a surprise song that she had 'made' for the groom. She is obsessed with ChatGPT and I, (27, female) couldn’t be more anti-AI."
"I knew it was going to be AI slop."
"I asked the DJ to send me the song and yeah… it was AI, hyper-specific about my fiancé (27, male) and his family dynamics and mentions both of us by name multiple times which really takes me out of the moment mentally. It’s FIVE MINUTES LONG and the second half of it gives 'boy mom who is giving up her baby' energy. If you know, you know."
"I asked if she would be willing to play the song for him before the ceremony while he gets ready or even at our rehearsal dinner. The song truly reads like she wrote him a letter or a toast and had ChatGPT make it into a song."
"In my opinion, it’s not appropriate for our 195 person wedding reception. She responded 'It’s ok… I’ll do it another time'‽‽and then followed with a text that she 'hasn’t felt included except for signing checks'."
"Mind you, I took her dress shopping with me, brought her along to tour the venue with me, and all 3 of her other kids have a role in our wedding despite my fiancé and I having a total of 8 siblings between us that we’re trying to include."
"One of her kids is an 18-year-old female so she WILL get the chance to be 'mother of the bride' one day and be 'fully included' to the extent that she feels entitled to, I guess. She gets to be in the processional, the family wedding pics, and have a whole mother/son dance at our wedding, so I’m not sure what more she was expecting from us."
"I offered (against my better judgement) to let her play the song during their mother/son dance and I was going to have the DJ fade it out after 2 mins, but get this: She doesn’t want to play her 'special surprise song' during the mother/son dance."
"She doesn’t want it to take the place of the song my fiancé picked for them because she thinks he stressed over the song and is sentimentally attached to it, but that’s not the the case."
"Additional context: My fiancé has a stepmom and will be doing a mother/son with her as well, so my MIL thought it would be appropriate for him to do TWO mother/son dances and then STILL play an additional 5 minute-long song that is poorly written by a robot."
"She hasn’t spoken to me since I told her no. Wedding is 3 days away and we’ve always had a good relationship until this."
"AITAH?"
The OP later added:
"We are paying the DJ. She covered catering, but that’s it. So I don’t feel too bad about being 'controlling' about my own wedding."
"My DJ has been great about it. He’s made it very clear that he works for ME and will not play anything without my consent."
"The song is mostly about my fiancé, but, yes, it does talk about this new chapter and her letting go of him so he can be my man now instead of hers… weird undertones, terrible writing and wording… just not the vibe I want at my ceremony."
"I want to get the formalities done ASAP so we can party. The song is so embarrassing to even listen to."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to set this boundary (NTA).
"She 100% thought she could sneak this garbage song in and the DJ wouldn’t say a word. So not only is she being creepily attached to her son, and not only does she exude main character energy, but she’s also conniving to boot. NTAH." ~ WhiteSriLankan
"Say no. That's it. She can play it for her son at her convienence somewhere else and some other time. It's weird that she didn't even come to you with this, but went to the DJ first."
"Seems she wanted to go over your head. This sure looks like a MIL that should get used to hearing the word 'No'. NTAH." ~ XuanChun88
"As a former wedding DJ, that lady is awful. If they had played it, that DJ could lose their job for that if they worked in a structured company. And those who run their own company for it rely on good reviews. A Karen can ruin a career."
"OP's fiancé needs to have a very frank conversation with her about this. This is the sort of scenario where you have to be a united front. And it looks like the first real test of their marriage is coming on day one."
"Good for you, OP. Maintain your boundaries." ~ lookitsaudrey
"Make sure to call her on her crap as well. Ask her, 'You were there when I picked my dress, no? And when we toured the venue?'." ~ Beth21286
"This and did I miss it, but why isn't your husband talking to her? Why do you have to handle his mother?" ~ What_A_Weak
"It's your wedding; your rules. Further, the DJ works for you, not her, so: if you confirm with him it's a no go, that's the end of it. NTA." ~ vorpal_wombat
"NTA at all. Make sure you tell the DJ no and to only accept changes to the music if someone on your preferred list of people tells him to. Be prepared for her to try to hijack him somewhere along the line." ~ Calm_Researcher9172
"As someone who lived through a very similar situation during my own wedding (only it was my FIL who 'wrote' the song, it was during/after his speech at the reception, and I had no heads up it was happening), I can attest that it was pretty awkward to sit through."
"At the end of the day, it meant a lot to him; he’s very close with my husband, and he was genuinely trying to do something special for us (albeit ill-advised), so I let it go. But man, if those weren’t the longest 6 minutes of my life and the only part of my wedding that I look back on and cringe. NTA." ~ Regular-Ad-9368
"NTA, but please clue in your fiancé. You should not be dealing with her alone. It’s his responsibility to handle her, just like it would be your responsibility if it were your mother doing this." ~ sweetnerdwife
"When she says 'She hasn't felt included,' it means she hasn't been in control, and she doesn't like it."
"If this 'song' (because is it really a song if it's AI slop‽‽) is so important to her, tell her to make it something special for your fiancé that he can keep. She can turn it into a letter and give it to him on his wedding day."
"My guess is she more so wants an audience and the attention that the song will bring if it's played at the reception. If it were truly about her son and expressing how much he means to her, she would be okay with it being shared in a smaller setting."
"If it all comes to a head before the wedding, your fiancé needs to address it with her. She sounds enmeshed; hopefully, this is one-sided, and your soon-to-be-husband has no issues telling her 'no'. If not, this is a great time for him to learn how!" ~ Its-Brittany-Biyatch
"NTA. Absolutely put your foot down, get your fiancé to speak to her and say she can play this song another time, preferably at the rehearsal."
"That way you don't need to worry about it being slipped into the DJ or some other heist and it's done and dusted the day before."
"If not, make sure both of you speak to her and say it's not permitted. Make sure your DJ is across the board and informed no one is to make changes to the playlist without your approval. And particularly MIL is not to add any songs or anything." ~ Pixatron32
"Oh wow, what an incredibly normal and not at all creepy thing to say about your child!"
"Oof, okay, so: does she know how you feel about AI? I mean, I'm sure she's aware in general, but have you ever said anything to her directly about it? Because if not, as horrible as this sounds, it might be time to try to mean girl your way out of this."
"It's not a nice thing to do, but you've obviously tried to be kind and accommodating about this with her, and it's not working." ~ eriemaxwell
OP has set a boundary.
Now they just need to hold the line.
