Redditor aitathrowaway566 was planning to get married in October.
But now, the bride is considering postponing her wedding after an incident involving her wedding dress and future in-laws made her furious.
She visited the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit and asked:
"AITA For demanding my fiancé and his mom to pay for a new wedding address?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained what happened to the wedding dress.
"Me 26 F[emale] and my fiancé 28 M[ale] been engaged for 4 months, we're planning on having our wedding on October 18th, My future mother in law kept annoying me and sending me suggestions for choosing the right wedding dress."
"And said that she knew better and tried to get me to approve of wedding dresses that she chose and when she couldn't enforce her decision she demanded that I take her with me to buy my wedding dress so she could have an opinion."
"Before I went shopping I called her to ask if she wanted to come but started making excuses about how busy she was with my sister in law, I went shopping with my mom and I was able to find a really nice dress although it cost me a little over what I saved up for, but it was worth it."
"I made some changes to it and it was perfect, it arrived to my apartment at the end of the week, I made sure it was stored in a safe place so it doesn't get ruined."
"Yesterday, I got back from my mom's house, and found that my fiancé wasn't home neither was the dress, I called him immediately knowing that he must've taken it to show it to his mom since she continuously asked to see it and refused to have me send her pictures of it on Facebook."
"I was so mad when it was confirmed that my fiancé took it to show it to his mom, he said he was gonna be home in 30 minutes after he went to the supermarket I waited for longer than I had to and then when he arrived I ran to get my dress that was buried underneath grocery bags."
"I took it to check on it and it's zipper was broken and the dress itself (fabric) was stretched out, I was like what the f'k happened to it, my mother in law must've tried it on, because it looked ruined, the straps were almost loose."
"I had to call my mother in law when my fiancé told me his mom and sister took turns to try it on, I was absolutely livid, she told me she did nothing wrong and that I was making a big deal out of it."
"She said she'd get a replacement for the broken zipper, but I told her to pay for a new dress since it was stretched out and no longer fitting, she refused and said that I probably wasn't happy with my dress choice and wanted to her to pay so I could get a new one."
"I yelled at her for trying it on and ruining it, that she and my fiancé were responsible for ruining my dress so they should pay for a new one, It's done, no longer fitting, the straps are in a horrible condition, my mom said she'd pay for fixing it but I just hate it now that someone else wore it before me."
"I'm mad at both of them and seriously considering postponing the wedding."
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
NTA - Not The A**hole
YTA - You're The A**hole
ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors said the OP's frustrations were warranted.
"NTA. There are so many levels of wrong here, and none of it by you."
"First off, it's super rude to try on someone else's wedding dress. It's extremely rude to try a dress on to the extent that the zipper breaks. Like, there had to have been some serious tugging and yanking and signs the dress obviously did not fit before the zipper broke."
"But it's really, really creepy that your fiancee's mom wanted to wear your wedding dress. Did she imagine herself marrying her son?"
"And it's very, very red-flaggy that your fiancee treated your wishes so cavalierly. Does he plan to put his mother ahead of you when it comes to things like kids or who he spends time with? Is there a pattern of him ignoring your wishes when it conflicts with hers? Does she make 'jokes' about how you're taking her son away?" – fiveoclockmocktail
"NTA. First : your fiance took your dress without your knowledge or permission? Second :they tried it on ? Why tho!!? that goes beyond commen sense and what's right IMO."
"I think you should let them pay for it and get your fiance involved, if he doesn't apologize and demand his family to repay you and apologize to you maybe you should consider all this wedding thing because stuff like that will keep happening in the future." – reemkms
The OP responded to the above comment by identifying what had upset her most.
"This was a huge huge deal for me and I'm so damn angry, the audacity of this B*** to take the dress that I worked so hard to get and was so happy to finally find and and ruin it along with her daughter who clearly hates me and wants to take whatever I have, wether it be a new phone, job, dress etc."
"They're both bitter but my fiancé is the one I'm made at the most what he did was awful, he's refusing to take responsibility for his mom's awful behavior and is saying that the dress still looks fine."
Given her resentment, Redditors seeing red flags gave the OP a stark warning.
"Do. Not. Marry. This. Man. Especially if he hasn't been knocked on his ass by the realization of what he did."
"This is not about the dress. This about your future family being willing to cross major social boundaries and your husband being perfectly fine aiding and abetting them."
"They will stomp all over your life. They will violate every boundary and rule you set. You will never be able to feel secure at home because every time you turn your back, you will he wondering if your husband is helping them. That is no way to live. You'll go bald with stress."
"If you do not break up with him, the very lowest bar you should set is mandatory therapy, asap. And it goes without saying you must postpone the wedding."
"I'm begging you, listen to reddit. Do not marry him." – alligator124
"Please don't marry this guy, you'll be saving yourself years of bullsh*t and wasted money." – Bearkaraoke
"As they say, 'it's easier to break up with a mama's boy than to divorce a mama's boy.'" – MoGeNo
"Please do not marry this person. Get the money for the dress, and take one of your friends on the honeymoon. You dodged a serious bullet." – MsBaseball34
"NTA. What you need to do is:"
"1- request payment for the dress from both the mother in law and sister in law. Do this over text and save any and all messages where they admit what they did, even if they still refuse to pay."
"This way you have proof they ruined it, then tell them if they won't pay you for the dress you will be suing them for the money. If they still don't budge serve them with papers. This will definitely get them to pay for it."
"2- after you have all the money and they have payed you. LEAVE your fiancé. This is a HUGE red warning sign, showing you what the rest of your life with this man will be like."
"Do you want to have kids with a man who can't say no to his mother? What if he circumcises your kid without your knowledge? Takes your child somewhere you don't want him to? All because of his mother? This is what your entire life with this man will be like."
"3- once you leave him pawn the engagement ring. You deserve the money for everything they have put you through." – SohpieBlake_
When a Redditor told the OP her fiancé basically "stole your property because his mother asked him to," this was her response.
"The nerve of her to try to shift the blame and say that I was just trying to get money out of her because she said that I 'no longer like the dress' and refusing to acknowledge, refusing to take responsibility for her awful actions, along with her daughter is so damn infuriating and I can't even look at the dress anymore."
"I'm disgusted, I'm disappointed, mad and about to lose my mind because of what the terrible nonesense she keeps pulling, I'm done tolerating her behavior and letting her disrespect me like this, My fiancé is a 100 times worse than she is and he's the one who started this."
Redditors not only declared NTA, but they strongly suggested the OP call off the wedding entirely.
There has been no further update on any changes to her engagement status.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.