Redditor aitathrowaway566 was planning to get married in October.
But now, the bride is considering postponing her wedding after an incident involving her wedding dress and future in-laws made her furious.
She visited the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit and asked:
"AITA For demanding my fiancé and his mom to pay for a new wedding address?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained what happened to the wedding dress.
"Me 26 F[emale] and my fiancé 28 M[ale] been engaged for 4 months, we're planning on having our wedding on October 18th, My future mother in law kept annoying me and sending me suggestions for choosing the right wedding dress."
"And said that she knew better and tried to get me to approve of wedding dresses that she chose and when she couldn't enforce her decision she demanded that I take her with me to buy my wedding dress so she could have an opinion."
"Before I went shopping I called her to ask if she wanted to come but started making excuses about how busy she was with my sister in law, I went shopping with my mom and I was able to find a really nice dress although it cost me a little over what I saved up for, but it was worth it."
"I made some changes to it and it was perfect, it arrived to my apartment at the end of the week, I made sure it was stored in a safe place so it doesn't get ruined."
"Yesterday, I got back from my mom's house, and found that my fiancé wasn't home neither was the dress, I called him immediately knowing that he must've taken it to show it to his mom since she continuously asked to see it and refused to have me send her pictures of it on Facebook."
"I was so mad when it was confirmed that my fiancé took it to show it to his mom, he said he was gonna be home in 30 minutes after he went to the supermarket I waited for longer than I had to and then when he arrived I ran to get my dress that was buried underneath grocery bags."
"I took it to check on it and it's zipper was broken and the dress itself (fabric) was stretched out, I was like what the f'k happened to it, my mother in law must've tried it on, because it looked ruined, the straps were almost loose."
"I had to call my mother in law when my fiancé told me his mom and sister took turns to try it on, I was absolutely livid, she told me she did nothing wrong and that I was making a big deal out of it."
"She said she'd get a replacement for the broken zipper, but I told her to pay for a new dress since it was stretched out and no longer fitting, she refused and said that I probably wasn't happy with my dress choice and wanted to her to pay so I could get a new one."
"I yelled at her for trying it on and ruining it, that she and my fiancé were responsible for ruining my dress so they should pay for a new one, It's done, no longer fitting, the straps are in a horrible condition, my mom said she'd pay for fixing it but I just hate it now that someone else wore it before me."
"I'm mad at both of them and seriously considering postponing the wedding."
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
NTA - Not The A**hole
YTA - You're The A**hole
ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors said the OP's frustrations were warranted.
"NTA. There are so many levels of wrong here, and none of it by you."
"First off, it's super rude to try on someone else's wedding dress. It's extremely rude to try a dress on to the extent that the zipper breaks. Like, there had to have been some serious tugging and yanking and signs the dress obviously did not fit before the zipper broke."
"But it's really, really creepy that your fiancee's mom wanted to wear your wedding dress. Did she imagine herself marrying her son?"
"And it's very, very red-flaggy that your fiancee treated your wishes so cavalierly. Does he plan to put his mother ahead of you when it comes to things like kids or who he spends time with? Is there a pattern of him ignoring your wishes when it conflicts with hers? Does she make 'jokes' about how you're taking her son away?" – fiveoclockmocktail
"NTA. First : your fiance took your dress without your knowledge or permission? Second :they tried it on ? Why tho!!? that goes beyond commen sense and what's right IMO."
"I think you should let them pay for it and get your fiance involved, if he doesn't apologize and demand his family to repay you and apologize to you maybe you should consider all this wedding thing because stuff like that will keep happening in the future." – reemkms
The OP responded to the above comment by identifying what had upset her most.
"This was a huge huge deal for me and I'm so damn angry, the audacity of this B*** to take the dress that I worked so hard to get and was so happy to finally find and and ruin it along with her daughter who clearly hates me and wants to take whatever I have, wether it be a new phone, job, dress etc."
"They're both bitter but my fiancé is the one I'm made at the most what he did was awful, he's refusing to take responsibility for his mom's awful behavior and is saying that the dress still looks fine."
Given her resentment, Redditors seeing red flags gave the OP a stark warning.
"Do. Not. Marry. This. Man. Especially if he hasn't been knocked on his ass by the realization of what he did."
"This is not about the dress. This about your future family being willing to cross major social boundaries and your husband being perfectly fine aiding and abetting them."
"They will stomp all over your life. They will violate every boundary and rule you set. You will never be able to feel secure at home because every time you turn your back, you will he wondering if your husband is helping them. That is no way to live. You'll go bald with stress."
"If you do not break up with him, the very lowest bar you should set is mandatory therapy, asap. And it goes without saying you must postpone the wedding."
"I'm begging you, listen to reddit. Do not marry him." – alligator124
"Please don't marry this guy, you'll be saving yourself years of bullsh*t and wasted money." – Bearkaraoke
"As they say, 'it's easier to break up with a mama's boy than to divorce a mama's boy.'" – MoGeNo
"Please do not marry this person. Get the money for the dress, and take one of your friends on the honeymoon. You dodged a serious bullet." – MsBaseball34
"NTA. What you need to do is:"
"1- request payment for the dress from both the mother in law and sister in law. Do this over text and save any and all messages where they admit what they did, even if they still refuse to pay."
"This way you have proof they ruined it, then tell them if they won't pay you for the dress you will be suing them for the money. If they still don't budge serve them with papers. This will definitely get them to pay for it."
"2- after you have all the money and they have payed you. LEAVE your fiancé. This is a HUGE red warning sign, showing you what the rest of your life with this man will be like."
"Do you want to have kids with a man who can't say no to his mother? What if he circumcises your kid without your knowledge? Takes your child somewhere you don't want him to? All because of his mother? This is what your entire life with this man will be like."
"3- once you leave him pawn the engagement ring. You deserve the money for everything they have put you through." – SohpieBlake_
When a Redditor told the OP her fiancé basically "stole your property because his mother asked him to," this was her response.
"The nerve of her to try to shift the blame and say that I was just trying to get money out of her because she said that I 'no longer like the dress' and refusing to acknowledge, refusing to take responsibility for her awful actions, along with her daughter is so damn infuriating and I can't even look at the dress anymore."
"I'm disgusted, I'm disappointed, mad and about to lose my mind because of what the terrible nonesense she keeps pulling, I'm done tolerating her behavior and letting her disrespect me like this, My fiancé is a 100 times worse than she is and he's the one who started this."
Redditors not only declared NTA, but they strongly suggested the OP call off the wedding entirely.
There has been no further update on any changes to her engagement status.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.