Comedy is hard.
The wonderful comedian George Carlin once said that anything could be funny, it just depended on where the exaggeration was.
The trouble is finding the right exaggeration and framing it in the right way.
So what happens when the exaggeration you make ends up hurting a whole room full of people?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) iWorkWithPlanes when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for interfering in the bouquet toss at my GF’s sister’s wedding?”
OP dove right into the issue at hand.
“AITA for interfering in the bouquet toss at my GF’s sister’s wedding?”
“My girlfriend (we’ll call her ‘Maggie’) and I went to her sister’s wedding on Sunday (1/22).”
“It was a great event, and things were going well for most of the evening. This was the first time I met Maggie’s mother, but I had already met the rest of her family.”
“When it came time for the bouquet 💐 toss, Maggie was one of the ladies in the group to try & catch it.”
“I thought I had an opportunity to be funny and lift the mood, so I stood behind Maggie and slapped the flowers 💐 to the ground before she could catch them.”
“Idk if she actually would have been the one to catch them, but I did it anyway.”
“I was doing it as a joke, which I thought would be obvious to everyone (I was like 0.0001% serious, I’m actually not interested in marriage. I’m in my 20s).”
“I really had no bad intentions & wasn’t trying to upset anyone, I thought I would get a chuckle from the crowd.”
“After I slapped the bouquet 💐 to the floor there was an audible gasp from everyone around, followed by an awkward silence.”
“I was a little embarrassed, but I laughed anyways to try to nonverbally show everyone that it was a joke. Nobody laughed.”
“After a bit, the moment had passed, and everyone was starting a big dinner.”
“Nobody talked to me, and I was getting a couple of sideways glances.”
“Maggie’s mother eventually pulled me aside and (very respectfully) asked me to leave. To which I obliged. I didn’t want to cause a scene.”
“A few weeks later, my GF & her sister are over it, but the mom still seems weird about it.”
“I haven’t spoken to her since then.”
OP was left to wonder,
“Was this an AH move? Or was it just a lighthearted joke that was misinterpreted?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Some were confused by OP’s plan.
“You were trying to lift the mood? Seriously?”
“It was a wedding for goodness sake. The mood doesn’t get more elevated than that! Yes, YTA.” ~
He_Who_Is_Right_
Many pointed out how many people this ‘joke’ hurt.
“At his girlfriend’s expense, no less! Nope, not gonna marry you, swipe!”
“Hahahah so funny!!”
“Everyone thinks that’s so funny!! My girlfriend is not marriage material!! I don’t wanna marry her!! All these people here who love her, you all get the joke, right?!” ~ DreamCrusher914
“At the bride’s expense too.”
“He ruined one of the fun traditions at her wedding and made the rest of the night awkward.”
“For all we know, the mom asked him to leave at the request of the bride after he made a scene at her event.”
“YTA, btw OP.” ~ Mattekat
“It’s at the couple’s expense, too.”
“Brides don’t usually throw their own elaborate bouquets.”
“They pay for a special one to throw that a guest will take home and pose with in photos.”
“So it must have been really funny for the newlyweds to have their bouquet toss moment ruined by having the bouquet they paid for slammed into the ground for no reason. ~ asuddenpie
“I’m holding a grudge against them.”
“(Is there a German word for that?)”
“Pictures are ruined.”
“The bouquet is ruined (some people like to let the flowers dry and keep them as a memento, I know it’s not the bride’s wedding ceremony bouquet, but still), and now the memory of that wedding celebration is tainted with OPs selfish stupid joke.”
“Wedding AITAs always make me thankful I got married in a courthouse.” ~SarcastiMel
Commenters pointed out that this was just mean.
“YTA”
“The bouquet toss is a tradition that people have various opinions on, but generally, it’s unmarried women competing to grab the bouquet.”
“By slapping it down, you took ALL – literally ALL – of the fun out of the activity.”
“You’re not an unmarried woman. You obviously had no interest in the activity. Why did you insert yourself?”
“It’s a mean thing to do, and it’s not funny – what’s the joke? ‘Haha no one gets the bouquet'”?
‘“Haha, I don’t want to marry my partner'”
“‘Haha traditions are dumb’? I can’t think of any reason it’s funny.”
“The kindest interpretation I could reasonably see is you wanting attention and going about it in an annoying way.”
“You took an activity that involves a group you aren’t a member of and made the moment entirely about yourself.”
“If you have any relationship with the married couple, I suggest apologizing for being unaware and self-focused.” ~ erinsnotfunny
Some commenters even went so far as to explain what jokes are.
“Hard agree.”
“There’s a huge difference between making a harmless joke and being the main character in every situation.”
“Also, OP, have you even apologized meaningfully about what happened?”
“Or have you said, ‘I’m sorry if you didn’t think what I did was funny, but it totally was’ the situation?”
“Either way, OP is the a**hole but the former makes him a bit of less than one.”
“As the spinster of the family, I always get seated at the ‘singles’ table at weddings.”
“Oftentimes, I’m sat with the priest as I have an advanced degree in religion. This leads to a lot of (drunk) heated discussions.”
“Every time there’s a bouquet toss, I’m called up by everyone and refuse.”
“My brothers. My sisters. My parents. Oftentimes the DJ will all specifically call my name.”
“I hate being in the spotlight.”
“My family knows this and thinks it’s hilarious the red-faced sister is called up in front of everyone. Normally, I simply jump as far away from the bouquet as I can and rush back to my seat.”
“The last wedding, when they all started calling me up, I was having a lovely conversation with the priest sitting by me. I waved my family off.”
“They kept calling my name.”
“So I made an exaggerated yawn, wrapped my arm around the back of the priest’s chair, gave an obvious head nod in his direction, and an exaggerated wink.”
“The priest made a ‘cheers’ with me, and we went back to the debate.”
“The next day, I made sure it wasn’t too much and apologized if it was.”
“My brother thought it was hilarious, and his wife loved it. She said it was the perfect way to introduce her family to mine.”
“Also, as a bride, I’m sure I’d be heartbroken if someone swatted my bouquet to the ground. I have no idea how much they cost, but they can’t be cheap. At least offer to pay for it.” ~ 25minutedrive
“YTA.”
“A) Not the right place or time to joke – it’s someone else’s wedding, not your turn at open mic night.”
“B) Especially not the right place or time to joke in front of strangers and members of your girlfriend’s family.”
“You remember your girlfriend right, the person you presumably love or at least like like a lot and probably want to make a good impression in front of her family?”
“C) You seriously thought a good joke would be to show just how horrified you are at the thought of marrying your girlfriend IN FRONT OF HER FAMILY that you’ll physically smack away a bouquet thrown at her like it’s a volleyball.”
“AGAIN, IN FRONT OF HER FAMILY you basically said, ‘The thought of marrying your daughter/sister/niece/cousin sickens and horrifies me to the point that I must spike this bouquet like a volleyball lest any marriage cooties get on her and try to infect our relationship.'”
“Funny ain’t your forte.”
“On the bright side, pretty sure you don’t have to worry about marrying her now.” ~ AmishAngst
“All of this. OP, you:”
“Didn’t know these people well enough to play a ‘joke’ like this.”
“It’s almost like pulling out a chair behind someone as they’re sitting down and making them fall on the ground.”
“MAYBE it’s funny if it’s an inside joke with everyone, but you wouldn’t do it to a stranger. You essentially did this to a stranger.”
“Sent a ‘funny’ message that you don’t want to marry your GF. To her family. And her. A guy who was probably TRYING to make a good impression on them at this event.”
“These people were smart to ask you to leave, and the GF should be realizing you’re not the right fit for her and her family. Hopefully, you learned something from this experience.” ~ crystallz2000
OP did return to remind people to stop voting.
“Hey… Don’t know if anyone noticed, but contest mode ended 20+ hours ago. Your votes don’t count anymore.”
If the joke you’re trying to tell relies on someone else feeling small or insignificant, maybe don’t tell the joke.
Be kind.